[b]Dealing with people you can not stand[/b]
by Rick Brinkman and Rick Kirschner
Studies show that people, who like their jobs, feel appreciated for what they do and who they are. Problem people usually do not like what they do. To communicate effectively with other people, you must have some understanding of what matters most to them. By observing behavior and listening to communication patterns with the difficult people, you can recognize their primary intents.
Every behavior has a purpose, or an intent, that the behavior is trying to fulfill. People engage in behaviors based on their intent, and do what they do based on what seems to be most important in any given moment. Therefore, identifying the intent behind a certain behavior is crucial when dealing with people you can not stand.
Success in communication depends on finding common ground with the people around you. You can patiently and supportively demonstrate that you care about what they are saying. Difficult people tend to become cooperative people when you listen to what they have to say and ask them specific questions.
Engaging in an honest dialogue with problem people is an effective strategy for establishing a good level of communication with them. Talk about the problem behavior rather than about the problem person. Show them how their behavior is self-defeating. Make some specific suggestions to them and ask them for their feedback.
To be effective with a person you can not stand, it is essential that you gain control over your attitude toward the problem people in your life, and accept them as they are. Every difficult person that crosses your path, when placed in a positive frame of reference, presents you with the golden opportunity to develop your communication skills. What you learn from dealing with difficult people will make you stronger and help you in many other areas of your life.
Whether you like the situation or dislike it, your opinion of it will not really change much of anything, except the way that you feel. So, instead of making a big deal out of facts that you do not like, you might as well take a deep breath and say “oh well,” and drop your opinion. Let it go and then go on from there.
When dealing with difficult people, you always have a choice. In fact, you have four choices:
1- you can stay, do nothing, and complain to someone else about it.
- doing nothing is dangerous because frustration with difficult people tends to build up and get worse over time. And complaining to people who can do nothing tends to lower morale and productivity, while postponing effective action.
2- you can vote with your feet.
- sometimes, your best option is to walk away. Not all situations are resolvable, and some are just not worth resolving. Voting with your feet makes sense when it no longer makes any sense to continue to deal with the person. If the situation is deteriorating, if everything you say or do makes matters worse, and you find yourself losing control, remember that discretion is the better part of valor, and walk away. You are nobody’s victim without your permission.
3- you can change your attitude about the difficult person.
- even if the difficult persons continue to engage in the difficult behavior, you can learn to see them differently, listen to them differently, and feel differently around them. There are attitudinal changes that you can make in yourself that will set you free from your reactions to problem people. And a change in attitude is absolutely necessary if you hope to find the willpower and flexibility to make the fourth choice...
4- you can change your behavior.
- when you change the way you deal with difficult people, then they have to learn new ways to deal with you. Just as certainly as some people bring out the best in you, and some people bring out the worst in you, you have this same ability with others. There are effective, learnable strategies for dealing with most problem behavior. Once you know what needs to be done and how to do it, you will be well on your way to taking charge over an unpleasant situation and redirecting it to a worthwhile result.
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How do you deal with people you can't stand?
Why bother...
I rarely find people I cannot stand.
However I hate it when people are too close.
I cannot stand close proximity.
That is true both physically and to a lesser extent mentally.
I can tolerate most people. But if I do not like someone, I will find the most hurtful way to do the most minor of things... its my spoilt streak that comes out... i try to avoid that and be generally passive.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
lol i definitely am the vindictive type - if I don't like you - you know it.
The weird thing is I have no idea what causes me to click with certain people and not with others.
There are instances where people will insult me or just be radically different and everybody around me will say "you're respect [i]that [/i]guy?"
...weird stuff
i just cant seem to stand alot of people...
alot of people annoy me very easily, depending on who it is i react differently with them,
the normal me just tends to calm down and let the situation handle itself...or occasionally at the moment when things happen to go OTT i blow and give them a few of my nasty words ([size=9]makes me feel better[/size])
If I dont like any1 I deal with them by giving em two tight slaps.
Actually even people I like or love I will give two slaps, just to keep em in line.
hehehe
Ya ALLAH Madad.
Haq Chaar Yaar
...you must have had rather lonely birthday parties as a child
brirthday parties?
astaghfirullah.
chi chi chi. imitation, innovation, deviation parties.
[size=7]loooool[/size]
Ya ALLAH Madad.
Haq Chaar Yaar
lol
u sure to get a BAAAAAAD reaction then innit...!
surely u not gonna expect them to say thank you that was very kind.
lol he could always say it's an old family tradition if he accidentally slaps the wrong person - like Yao Ming
LOL....looks like its a tradition meds about to start, poor things gonna get a few black eyes..
whos Yao MinG ?
I'm not even sure [i]what[/i] Yao Ming is other than a very very very very large mammal.
He's from China and he's something over 7 feet tall.
Yao Ming is not somebody you want to mess with.
Still has nothing on Shaq though
yeh so people better behave themselves, this is a first warning there will not be a second. After this if any1 corsses the line their only warning will be a stinging right hander followed swiftly by a backhander from myself.
And NAJ i AINT gonna have black eyes, but neither is any1 else. Eyes are beautiful creation.
Ya ALLAH Madad.
Haq Chaar Yaar
I prefer to give everyone a chance without immediately jumping to any conclusions.
I very very rarely dislike someone but after everything if i find i do dislike them. I just blank them... totally ignore them to the point i dont even say hi to them anymore.
Unless ofcourse they've done something thats really wound me up the wrong way i will come down upon them with great and furious vengence.
lol there used to be this guy a few years younger than me who went to the same gym as me. He would really really really :evil: royally P-me off. Now i did ignore him at first... but he kept going on and on... till i gripped him and went really close to his face and said:
"Do you see that patch of grass outside... if you dont shut the hell up.... thats where im gonna bury you".....
lol ... he never said anything to me again.
....
,,,
And thats how i was the one to turn cats and dogs against each other.....
Back in BLACK
thats me number two.my step-bros and sisters can pee me off alot,even though they older than me they treat me abit bad but i manage because dad told me he loves me more and not too worry.
Salaam
I try to get on with people I don’t like…I make an effort. I try to see where they’re coming and instead of focusing on their faults I tell myself that I’m not all that myself…everyone has faults and weaknesses.
I try SO hard not to let my dislike of a person effect the way I deal with them…its hard sometimes.
But some people are just evil…they do things that are unforgivable. I totally ignore such people…they’re not worth the energy.
Obviously, the higher stage in Islam to be is to be good to those people who you dislike and are bad to you….
Wasalaam
yes true....sometimes people do things and you just cant seem to forgive them, but i wouldnt exactly say their unforgivable...coz i believe in some extent everyone is forgivable no matter what.
human relations should be based on forgivness also just the way we ask ALLAH for forgivness...even forgiving your enemies is a important islamic teaching.
when people do things i think i cant forgive them but then i think if ALLAH can forgive who am i not to..that makes it easier for me in hard situations.
I just ignore people that i dont like, the less they are in your face the better but one shouldnt get too agitated by them, aint worth the effort.
Having said that, i dont realy "hate" anyone i just rather they not be around me