Why get yourself into a situation where things can get complicated?

Attraction will always be involved in some way and even if you do not develop feelings, the other person may.

I think I heard that someone historical talking about love who mentioned it is much easier to control a horse when on its saddle in a stable then if it has got out of the stable and you are trying to pull it back in using its tail.

Eventually you may get into a situation of "it's not my fault, you can't help what you feel", but evne then it is a question of if you do the right things or not.

Being 'friends' with the opposite sex is haram.

If you like each other get married, quit simple. If you like each other but not enough to get into a commitment of marriage ,stay away ,quit simple.

What's wrong with being friends you ask?

Well there's many things which are CLEARLY WRONG. First of all, guys and girls cannot be just friends. It does not work like that and it's not as simple as being friends with people of the same sex. Firstly, some people define friends as hugging and comforting each other, well if you do that with the opposite sex, being Muslims, that's haram.
Secondly, no matter how much you/I/we deny it one of the friends will have some kind of feeling or attraction to the opposite sex...which will lead to complications within the so called 'friendship' and also commit sin.

(if it is the hugging that is the problem, then it is that which needs to be cut out... on a basic superficial level friendship is about being friendly, which is just god manners... but I assume the original questioner is asking about more than that.)

Statements like "friendship is haraam" need greater backing IMO. It all depends on how the friendship is defined and what people do.

Even if it does lead to feelings, then that can be acted upon in halaal ways.

Only recently, even Mufti's in Saudi mentioned how strict segregation is not necessary in Islam, which came a a shock to many.

Being alone together with a member of the opposite sex is also highly discouraged (but not actually haraam?)

@mush91, if you are asking this because there is a specific girl you want to be around but are being told to stay away, there is a simple solution which will abllow you to be around each other a lot more. The word starts with M and ends with ARRIAGE. I'll let you figure out what it is.

You wrote:

(if it is the hugging that is the problem, then it is that which needs to be cut out... on a basic superficial level friendship is about being friendly, which is just god manners... but I assume the original questioner is asking about more than that.)

Statements like "friendship is haraam" need greater backing IMO. It all depends on how the friendship is defined and what people do.

Even if it does lead to feelings, then that can be acted upon in halaal ways.

Only recently, even Mufti's in Saudi mentioned how strict segregation is not necessary in Islam, which came a a shock to many.

Ok I guess my statement of it being haram , will need backing up,which I will get.

Segregation is necessary in Islam, but there are certain circumstances where it can be excused. Now, I'm not sure whether its MUST or not. But again, I'll find out (if I don't forget).

Bijou wrote:

Segregation is necessary in Islam, but there are certain circumstances where it can be excused. Now, I'm not sure whether its MUST or not. But again, I'll find out (if I don't forget).

This I will argue against as IMO it is a matter of convenience used because it makes obeying Islamic ettiquette and laws easier, but it is NOT from what I see a requirement. Things just don't work too well when it is enforced as one.

(This is a different issue to friendship, its more of a question of apartide between the genders.)

You wrote:

Bijou wrote:

Segregation is necessary in Islam, but there are certain circumstances where it can be excused. Now, I'm not sure whether its MUST or not. But again, I'll find out (if I don't forget).

This I will argue against. It is a convenience used because it makes obeying Islamic ettiquette and laws easier, but it is NOT from what I see a requirement. Things just don't work too well when it is enforced as one.

(This is a different issue to friendship, its more of a question of apartide between the genders.)

You have a tendancy to argue against many things I say .

Segregation does make obeying the etiquette and I would also add Shariah easier, hence its necessary. For example, if we are at a wedding and there's no segregation and if a guy finds a particular woman attractive , looks at her once, and then again and this continues throughout the wedding...he gets wild ideas in his head he has committed a sin that way hasn't he? I believe we are not even allowed to look at the opposite sex more than once or something along these lines...like if I see a guy walking down the street, I've seen him once , but if I look at him again (maybe due to attraction)I've committed a sin...? :?

What if he then sends over a proposal? Being aware of the opposite gender, maybe even some interaction can facilitate the very halaal option of marriage.

(there is a hadith which mentions that while looking at a woman etc is the zina of the eyes, this is different and not the same as actual zina, as the person was told by the prophet by this in a process where he wanted to be punished, but the prophet asked many questions suggesting these are not punishable etc)

Here's the thing, at best you will get partial observance - at school, college, uni, work, in shopping centres, health centres etc there will be no such observance, so such things could still happen there.

So at best this will work while at home and at weddings... if it was that much of an issue, people would apply it to the other 99% of life too.

Bijou wrote:

You have a tendancy to argue against many things I say .

Don't worry, I do this to everyone. Notice how I also disagree with the original poster in this topic?

Now, that is quite a skill I have.

You wrote:

What if he then sends over a proposal?

(there is a hadith which mentions that while looking at a woman etc is the zina of the eyes, this is different and not the same as actual zina, as the person was told by the prophet by this in a process where he wanted to be punished, but the prophet asked many questions suggesting these are not punishable etc)

Here's the thing, at best you will get partial observance - at school, college, uni, work, in shopping centres, health centres etc there will be no such observance, so such things could still happen there.

So at best this will work while at home and at weddings... if it was that much of an issue, people would apply it to the other 99% of life too.

Hm, point taken. There is no chance of total avoidance of the opposite sex in this day and generation and it wasn't it the Prophet's time also. But when it comes to making friends...I think there can be limits and restrictions imposed to stay within the boundaries of Islam.

You wrote:

Bijou wrote:

You have a tendancy to argue against many things I say .

Don't worry, I do this to everyone. Notice how I also disagree with the original poster in this topic?

Now, that is quite a skill I have.

Skill you would call it?

I'm afraid I will have to oppose that!

You wrote:

@mush91, if you are asking this because there is a specific girl you want to be around but are being told to stay away, there is a simple solution which will abllow you to be around each other a lot more. The word starts with M and ends with ARRIAGE. I'll let you figure out what it is.

How do you know Mush91 is a guy? (before i comment in paragraphs - well kinda)

(I got the impression Mush91 was a guy too)

I just assumed.

You wrote:

I just assumed.

Oh ok.

Well here is what i want to say.

For me, being friends with the opposite sex is nice because they always have a different approach to things and in certain cases, you feel that you can be more open with them.

However i have to agree with the whole feeling thing. Islamically it's wrong - yes we know. But on a more 'I-know-it's-wrong-but-i-want-to-do-it-anyway' note, it will leave one or both the parties with heartache - not pretty. At the same time it's kinda pointless because although you're sharing things now (i'm talking personal stuff) you most prob won't be able to remain friends in the future anyway.

I could go on a little more - explain what i think in detail, but have decided that i won't

How old are you Mush91? Oh and are you male or female? (just curious)

From his name I would assume he is both a guy and also 19 years of age.

No idea how right or wrong that is.

As to the rest of your post...

... aren't there dangers there of eg, if you gain and lose feelings often enough, that eventually you eventually become immune to it and then when you do get married, the connection is not as deep due to developing resistance to your own feelings?

the name has 'mush' in it

You wrote:

From his name I would assume he is both a guy and also 19 years of age.

No idea how right or wrong that is.

As to the rest of your post...

... aren't there dangers there of eg, if you gain and lose feelings often enough, that eventually you eventually become immune to it and then when you do get married, the connection is not as deep due to developing resistance to your own feelings?

19 - Very exact. Hmm do you know something that we don't?

I believe (strongly) that yes you gain and lose feelings but these aren't nothing more than infatuation/crushes etc and the deeper connection (for marriage) is built with love which isn't the same thing.

Loving and liking someone are two VERY different things.

i know that if i start being friends with opposite gender i wont even ever look back at girls as friends.

SOOOO im going for the whole "you cant miss what you never had" kinda thing and trying my VERY hardest to stay aWAY from guys.

ALSO, the whole thing about looking looking and relooking and then wedding invite through letter box. well it aint that simple. You arent allowed to look all the time (else guys would just be like, ohh but im looking for a wife).

you're only allowed to look (spy) on a particular girl (no S) when you're seriously thinking about her being "the one".

^read that somewhere^

Lilly wrote:

i know that if i start being friends with opposite gender i wont even ever look back at girls as friends.

SOOOO im going for the whole "you cant miss what you never had" kinda thing and trying my VERY hardest to stay aWAY from guys.

Wow really - you won't look back? If you were to have guy friends (hypothetically speaking) you would need a balance of guy and girl friends - which means you would look back, no?

Anyway we do um like sort of like um you know um talk to guys on here or does this not count? =S

well..i havent been in that situation so im not sure what my REAL REAL reaction would be.

most probably will keep some of the girls i made friends with..but dont think i'd make NEW friends with girls. (like willingly and that).

but hey, im enjoying the girl company!! having too many guy friends would (for me) reduce the "husband value" you see, hence why i STAY AWAY!

Lilly wrote:

well..i havent been in that situation so im not sure what my REAL REAL reaction would be.

most probably will keep some of the girls i made friends with..but dont think i'd make NEW friends with girls. (like willingly and that).

but hey, im enjoying the girl company!! having too many guy friends would (for me) reduce the "husband value" you see, hence why i STAY AWAY!

'Husband Value' - i like

Truth's_Razors wrote:

Anyway we do um like sort of like um you know um talk to guys on here or does this not count? =S

Online and offline, it is all about the type of contact and ettiquette used (and what is worn in the offline world).

If these are according to Islam, that is what governs the overal situation.

Truth's_Razors wrote:

Lilly wrote:

well..i havent been in that situation so im not sure what my REAL REAL reaction would be.

most probably will keep some of the girls i made friends with..but dont think i'd make NEW friends with girls. (like willingly and that).

but hey, im enjoying the girl company!! having too many guy friends would (for me) reduce the "husband value" you see, hence why i STAY AWAY!

'Husband Value' - i like

husband value, sounds pretty cool eh?
should be an article in a men's magazine "have you got the HUSBAND value?" ROFL

Lilly wrote:

Truth's_Razors wrote:

Lilly wrote:

well..i havent been in that situation so im not sure what my REAL REAL reaction would be.

most probably will keep some of the girls i made friends with..but dont think i'd make NEW friends with girls. (like willingly and that).

but hey, im enjoying the girl company!! having too many guy friends would (for me) reduce the "husband value" you see, hence why i STAY AWAY!

'Husband Value' - i like

husband value, sounds pretty cool eh?
should be an article in a men's magazine "have you got the HUSBAND value?" ROFL

LOLL yehh!

I did have guy friends at college and this was in no way romantic at all, just lots of people hanging out in the common room...so i dnt rlly see anything wrong with that as I wasnt actively seeking out guys so that I could just be friends with them...

at uni however, there arent rlly any males in my classes, depending on the modules of course, so in such a case there is no need for me to have guy friends, unless i did actively seek them out, which would be wrong...

i think it all depends on ur 'restraint' shall i say???

ive been in a situation where i have been just friends with a guy but he wanted a bit more than friendship, but i was able to say..thanx, but no thanx, im not able to do that, sooo take from that what u will.....

Truth's_Razors wrote:

You wrote:

I just assumed.

Oh ok.

Well here is what i want to say.

For me, being friends with the opposite sex is nice because they always have a different approach to things and in certain cases, you feel that you can be more open with them.

However i have to agree with the whole feeling thing. Islamically it's wrong - yes we know. But on a more 'I-know-it's-wrong-but-i-want-to-do-it-anyway' note, it will leave one or both the parties with heartache - not pretty. At the same time it's kinda pointless because although you're sharing things now (i'm talking personal stuff) you most prob won't be able to remain friends in the future anyway.

I could go on a little more - explain what i think in detail, but have decided that i won't

How old are you Mush91? Oh and are you male or female? (just curious)

I TOTALLY agree with you

I have a FEW male friends

and theres always been boundaries
we've never hugged or been in an awkward situation
we debate a lot and just chill
and it's nice

but I can def understand why people would stay away from the opp sex
cos you never know
feelings can develop and u can be put into such a difficult situation

but so far ive been so lucky and fortunate to have good male friends that have never crossed that limit