Finding a marriage partner...

yes, my question is confusing...so forget it, at least until i can word it better...

@lilly, well correct me if im wrong but i would say its more the guy tht does the snapping up than the girl...i cant imagine myself approaching a potential husband...tht sounds excruciating...

[quote=bilan]yes, my question is confusing...so forget it, at least until i can word it better...

@lilly, well correct me if im wrong but i would say its more the guy tht does the snapping up than the girl...i cant imagine myself approaching a potential husband...tht sounds excruciating...[/quote]
+1 Maybe times might change by the time I'm ready for marriage but right now it just looks desperate, I think.

[quote=rocky]I am willing to get married to anyone who my parents are happy with[/quote]That's great but make sure you know what the girl is like and that you really will be able to spend the rest of your life with her! Don't just think its fine, whoever they choose cuz it might not be the best match (iA it will) but still...

yup to feefs!
theres a wise head on those shoulders 😉

lol

[quote=ThE pOwEr Of SiLeNcE]lol[/quote]

i did not knw tht! just googled it, so i learned something new today 🙂 thnx for tht 😉
so maybe i should say suin like dnt listen to feefs, she doesnt knw what shes talking about! try harder next time!!

and cyber people so do count!! maybe even more so than non-cyber people :p

[quote=bilan]

i did not knw tht! just googled it, so i learned something new today 🙂 thnx for tht ;)[/quote] good good 🙂
For everyone else's benefit I mentioned "He who praises you murders you." which is a saying of Sayyiduna Ali (RA)
[quote]
so maybe i should say suin like dnt listen to feefs, she doesnt knw what shes talking about! try harder next time!![/quote] Or you could stay silent! 😛 (or just say "yeah i agree" lol)
[quote] maybe even more so than non-cyber people :p[/quote] lol how did you come to that conclusion?

or that! haha

and that is of course the only natural conclusion to come to! :p

let me just reiterate, we ARE talking about the POWER of Silence. (Y)

the power of WHAT NOW?????! 😂

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QVZP9pzGKP8 ;):P

[quote=ThE pOwEr Of SiLeNcE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QVZP9pzGKP8 ;):P[/quote]

i kinda find tht voice off putting ...so doesnt suit what theyre tryna sell!

Their concept is pretty good though I think - The question thing - more likely they will be honest about the answers. (I'm quite cynical about this sort of stuff lol)

[quote=ThE pOwEr Of SiLeNcE]Their concept is pretty good though I think - The question thing - more likely they will be honest about the answers. (I'm quite cynical about this sort of stuff lol)[/quote]

i dnt blame u! plenty of weirdos out their and not the good weird we were talking about yesterday ;)lol

[quote=rocky]How does one know its time to get married? Well my brother is getting married soon and like I just feel that I want to get married too so I can abstain from sins BUT I doubt my parents will want me to get married bcause am still 21 and going to go in to my final year in uni, well I've heard I need to be fianancially stable and have a job so I could support my future wife...I am willing to get married to anyone who my parents are happy with, the question is just how do I convince dem am ready for marriage as am scared of approaching dem as I have never had an emotional or close family talks with them![/quote]

Lol you sound like me when I was still young and not married! Financial stability, finish education, get a good job , a house...all this materialistic stuff we forget that the most important thing is trusting Allah swt.

I had exactly the same views as you , except I knew who I wanted to marry. But my so called 'plans' didn't go to plan, Allah had something else in store for me. Instead I got married at 18, first year at university, working part time , no house and no money. I'm now working full time, with a house, just finished my degree Allhumdulilah. Everything happens for a reason and there is always widsom behind it. Whilst you search for your wife or the right woman to marry you can get ready financially or get your education done, but don't let that be your reason for NOT marrying when you have found that particular person.

Whether you are 16 or 21 guy or girl, if you know who you want to marry and be with them or life then go for it. If you don't have anyone in mind and want to get married, go for it. There is no restriction in Islam, in fact Islam promotes to get married early, the sooner the better. Not just to save yourself from sin, but to have the love and emotions you get in a marriage, to know that you have someone looking out for you for life, to share good times and happy times with, to share you Deen and knowledge with.

You need a sit down with your parents, and explain your feelings to them so they understand you and your situation.

was talking to two friends (from the same ethnic background, they were) and talking about hehe, in-laws (what else? eh?)

nyways, how did the convo start? cant remember..ohh yay! 6 years in uni for medicine, and hubby who wont let you study?

"WHAT?!" i say. we're not getting married to OLD MEN, we're getting married to guys from same generation with same views/expectations etc..

friend: what if he's traditional etc?

me: euh.. YOU DONT MARRY HIM?!?!?!?!?! HELLO?!

friend: oh yeah...
_____

then it came to the *beloved* mother in law! and i just couldnt get my head round the fact that the girl has to look after his mum. i was like, euh..and MY MUM? and she's like, well you gotta look after his mum too..
me: WHY?!?
friend: well him and you look after HIS mum. and YOUR bro will have to look after your mum (and HIS wife)
me: WHAT?! why cant people just look after their own family, i look after my mum, he looks after his mum.
friends: just dont marry a Bengali eh?

then the whole, moving in with THEM. why should I, the girl, have to move in a house full of STRANGERS, on HIS ground. nOT FAIR!.

moving out, into NEW territory for BOTH of us. THERE! and an EQUAL distance from BOTH parents houses. but that shouldnt be a factor, more, in an area convenient for both of us. or just where we can find a place.
and if there isnt place. then HE can move in. HMPF!

Disclaimer: !!!! im not saying im not gona look after his mum, after all she'll be my lil mummy in law and all, i just dont like being forced. or told to. and my mum should come first shouldnt she? (yes my lovely lovely lovely mummyyyyyyyy) and anyway, how much looking after would she needs?)

____

FURTHERMORE

these questions:

all this talk about finding a marriage partner..but... what about ourselves?

how do YOU know that you're ready to become a "marriage partner"?

what would you say do you need to achieve to become a "good" marriage partner?

whats a "good" marriage partner?

just a wonderement...

[quote=Lilly]

then it came to the *beloved* mother in law! and i just couldnt get my head round the fact that the girl has to look after his mum. i was like, euh..and MY MUM? and she's like, well you gotta look after his mum too..
me: WHY?!?
friend: well him and you look after HIS mum. and YOUR bro will have to look after your mum (and HIS wife)
me: WHAT?! why cant people just look after their own family, i look after my mum, he looks after his mum.
friends: just dont marry a Bengali eh?

then the whole, moving in with THEM. why should I, the girl, have to move in a house full of STRANGERS, on HIS ground. nOT FAIR!.[/quote]
I guess it's an asian thing. Dunno what topic it was, but I'm sure I've mentioned how my mum says once you get married your mother-in-law IS you mum (too) and so you have to treat her like that.

It's traditional for the guy to stay with his family and it'd be weird for the guy to move in with his in-laws unless he's from abroad or something. But nowadays, I think more and more guys are moving out their parents homes and living alone. Although I personally only know of one couple who live alone, without any of their children and I think its really sad tbh.

What you laughing at, man?! 😛

ok, nothing I said then 😃

[quote=Lilly]

how do YOU know that you're ready to become a "marriage partner"?

[/quote]
When you start to always think about it and so everything in your brain equals to marriage 😛

[quote=Ocean][quote=ThE pOwEr Of SiLeNcE]
I guess it's an asian thing. Dunno what topic it was, but I'm sure I've mentioned how my mum says once you get married your mother-in-law IS you mum (too) and so you have to treat her like that.
[/quote]

No she isn't... She's your Mother-IN-LAW nothing more or nothing less! [/quote]
calm down! no one can replace your mum, d.w lol

[quote]
and it's not an Asian thing... who said it's an asian thing?[/quote]
i dunno, lilly seemed shocked by it.

[quote=ThE pOwEr Of SiLeNcE][quote=Lilly]

then it came to the *beloved* mother in law! and i just couldnt get my head round the fact that the girl has to look after his mum. i was like, euh..and MY MUM? and she's like, well you gotta look after his mum too..
me: WHY?!?
friend: well him and you look after HIS mum. and YOUR bro will have to look after your mum (and HIS wife)
me: WHAT?! why cant people just look after their own family, i look after my mum, he looks after his mum.
friends: just dont marry a Bengali eh?

then the whole, moving in with THEM. why should I, the girl, have to move in a house full of STRANGERS, on HIS ground. nOT FAIR!.[/quote]
I guess it's an asian thing. Dunno what topic it was, but I'm sure I've mentioned how my mum says once you get married your mother-in-law IS you mum (too) and so you have to treat her like that.

It's traditional for the guy to stay with his family and it'd be weird for the guy to move in with his in-laws unless he's from abroad or something. But nowadays, I think more and more guys are moving out their parents homes and living alone. Although I personally only know of one couple who live alone, without any of their children and I think its really sad tbh.[/quote]

yep, that what my friend said (the bold bit). i remember it coz we were entering this shop to buy SWEETS!

I can't think of anyone I know from the top of my head who are married and live with parents. yep yep, most if not all live together in their own flat (cute flats too, so tiny and cute!) but not far from the guy's parents' house, and they come over real often. but they're more the first kids then the last. so the house isnt empty.. yet...

[quote=Ocean][quote=ThE pOwEr Of SiLeNcE]
[quote=Lilly]

how do YOU know that you're ready to become a "marriage partner"?

[/quote]
When you start to always think about it and so everything in your brain equals to marriage :P[/quote]
hahaha nice![/quote]

then i'm safe! phew...
i mean, when will MATHS ever = marriage?! or chemistry!!

on a more serious note, that happens to everygirls. i think its the length of one of those "episode" that we should consider here. but there's still just the passing "marriage-craze" everyone experiences. just coz they can.

in conclusion: this method of collecting data is very unreliable.

never mind tht the person collecting the data is completely fruitella!!!! (a reference to ur love of sweets, just to add tht special little touch) :p

[quote=bilan]never mind tht the person collecting the data is completely fruitella!!!! (a reference to ur love of sweets, just to add tht special little touch) :p[/quote]

completely fruitella eh? ROFL!!

havent had fruitella is a veeerryyy long time....