Salaam
I am constantly asked by many ppl for many years now if I know anyone looking for marriage; so i think i'm finally gonna create a database and try to help people who are looking for marraige. I have parents approaching me desperate in their search for compatible partners for their kids. It seems to be so hard nowadays especially if you dont wanna go on matrimonial sites/ date/wanna go back home and get married to your cousin!
So if you/ or anyone else are looking then pls email me your/their relevent details and what kind of partner you/they are looking for. Inshallah with enough ppl finding a compatible match should'nt be too hard.
What do you think of this idea? As previously ppl i have discussed it with discouraged me from going ahead with this:-)
Wasalaam
EDIT: shouldn't have written all that on here, sent Ed a PM instead.
No, it wasn't about me! Keep dreaming, ladies
Don't just do something! Stand there.
muslimhookups.com. *thumbs up*
Saying that I am still the opinion that such things, marriage sites are for freaks. They are supposed to cater for the extreme cases and never become the norm.
If they are becoming the norm, there is something wrong with the community. And I would say there is.
There needs to be intermingling and that needs to be accepted by the wider community.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
so if u dont wanna date, dont wanna flirt with opp sex/ chat em up, dont like anyone in ur community/larger family, dont wanna go back home....WHAT DO YOU DO?
why is looking for a partner on-line 'for freaks'?
and what is the 'norm'?
and which 'muslim community' are you talking about? lol
and what do you been by intermingling? and by whom?
how many here know anyone who hasnt got married to their family/cousin or gone back home and it wasnt a boy/girlfriend thing that ended in marriage?
I know quite a few. Mainly if one/both are converts. Some online - some through mutual friends.
I think online is not bad for some people. The only problem seems to be how picky people are - if you meet someone face-to-face your gonna go more on a gut reaction and hope to iron out any problems over time... dunno if this better/worse.
Also, why didn't you reply to my PM?!
Don't just do something! Stand there.
Not what I said. "Marriage agencies" were my target. I would like to assume that most people have some charm where they can do their own bidding - even if it is currently held back by current social/older-generations taboos.
You could meet someone anywhere, but having to force yourself through a marriage agency like situation is IMO a fail and if a community/society needs to use that as its primary method of getting people hitched, it has completely and utterly failed.
Yes, as a fallback it is acceptable, but that puts it in the same category [or the same as] as "its for freaks!".
With that you might a swell just as "If you don't like the opposite gender WHAT DO YOU DO?" because you need to talk to the opposite gender and would need to even if you go through some other method such an agency. I am quite sure that there is a hadith when a sahabi wanted to get married, the Prophet
told him to go and look at the woman he wanted to marry to make sure she was the right one.
Pretending that we are a society of eunuchs leads to disaster.
And with things like marriage you should not go "ok, I am ready, lets have a look around" but when an opportunity arises that you think is good, take the chance.
Everyone, but the older generation can be allowed to live in its blissful life - the new world does not concern them. Segregation has its flaws and forcing it onto all aspects of life is doomed to failure. or a closeted society of ostriches.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
He's already married, so you're out of luck.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
I agree
unless u sit down n talk to the person
you'll never know if you click or if u find conversations with them easy to have
im not saying they should go out on their own and ... be temped to do things
I think I like the desi way
u know
where the guy comes over with his parents for some tea and you can see if he's alright looking or not, socially awkward etc etc
with regards to the matrimonial thingy
I dont think its a bad idea
depends how it goes really
like....if they just end up talking online, that would be complicated cos when u meet someone from online u feel a bit weird and u dont talk to them in the same way in person
if its...I dunno, u pairing two ppl up who seem suitable and then arranging for them to meet, with a chaperone or something
it could be interesting
this reminds me of a the Diary of a Bachelor article from Emel
did anyone read it???
Just to expand on the freaks comment - a "freak" is anything that is not in the norm, something out there.
If 'Ed wants to set up a matrimonial service, kudos to him. Even better if it is a successful one. What I was saying is that that matrimonial services should never become the norm - whether online or offline. This should at best be a catchall to stop people in special circumstances falling by the side and if it works, good stuff.
The Asian/Pakistani community I feel is at a do or die moment where it can either adapt to the ways of the world or die. Either is better than where we are atm.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
assalamu alaikum,
"intermingling" not permitted in Islam at all. Everyone knows you can, and must speak to a prospective marriage partner, with the presence of your mahram. But this is as far as so called "intermingling" goes.
Anything else such as going out together without mahram present is not permitted under Islamic laws.
Muslim parents create their own marriage services don't they? They ask around line up potential partners and bring them over to their house to meet their daughter or son for marriage. Personally I think many of them do a bad job of it, with the best of intentions.
I don't think there;s anything wrong with what Ed is suggesting, so long as it does not become another online marriage service.
I know this organisation that do islamic conferences and hold a matrimonial event during the course of the residential conferences they do. Anyone interested has to go to one of the conference rooms with their mahram in tow. if they do not have a mahram because they're a revert or have no male relations etc then one of the scholars, Imams or other pious leader would act as their mahram. No one is left alone to mingle. i think this sort of thing is a good "halal" idea. Particularly for muslims who want to abide by Islamic laws whilst seeking a life partner, and for muslims/reverts who may find it difficult to find "pious" partners to marry. These sort of events are now becoming common all over the UK, i've heard of a few in Birmingham, and London. But the downside is you need pretty liberal parents to attend with you. I know my parents would never have attended such an event they would have blasted me for even suggesting it. But i know my brothers would have taken me without parents knowledge.
I am thinking about what will become of my brother i really don't know any pious girls of his age in my town. Many of the girls up here in his age range are not the practicing sort. If let to my parents they will get someone traditional and rich and i know that is not his cup of tea.
“O my people! Truly, this life of the world is nothing but a (quick passing) enjoyment, and verily, the hereafter that is the home that will remain forever.” [Ghafir : 39]
How do you know that for sure?
I'm guessing that you probably took one look at them and just judged them solely on appearances and deduced them to be immoral?
@ Hajjar - even such events etc - they are not ever supposed to become the normal way.
I doubt there were any such "marriage events" at the time of the Prophet (saw).
It all seems watered down an fake.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
I would also add that such marriage events and even agencies would generally be for the older, maturer people. Expecting people to not act on their feelings, urges for years, even decades to come is a path to failure. Massive failure - ask the catholic church with its sexual abuse cases about its success in having celibate priests.
Such a thing is unnatural and evil. I am sure I have read somewhere even the qur'an asks the priests etc a question about how they do a bad job by ignoring the real world...
That leaves intermingling with the chance of things being unislamic, with extra marital relationships etc. And I think that risk overall is more than worth it to stop many other evils from happening.
People do that anyway, but all this will do is not stigmatise them as much and acknowledge that the current situation does not work.
Yes people may want perfection, but this is a less than perfect world and you have to make do with what exists. Expecting the high Islamic standards IMO leads and will lead to more evil.
and yes, I am of the opinion that people have been raped/abused because of how the current pakistani society operates and how people cannot give into urges easily. If this was only a side case, I could accept it as freak incidences, but it is more than that.
So while my approach and solution may sound less than ideal, it is well thought out and prevents worse evil.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
what makes you think i made assumptions on their appearances?
My brother may want someone who already wears the hijab and has done so with conviction for a long time, nothing wrong with that is there?. Whilst some ppl will be happy to take a sister without hijab with the hope of slowly getting her to don the hijab. Each to their own.
So if my bro wants on appearance a girl who wears a hijab out of faith, what would i look at if not her appearance her feet?
to tell the truth there have been quite a few marriages in my community lately, and about 50% have been due to couple dating for years, and parents finally giving in, and other 50% forced in the sense they were emotionally bullied into accepting the proposals, but they ultimately had the power to say no.
I've heard Imams saying it's quite the norm these days for children to marry through dating due to parents failures,it doesn't have the same shock factor anymore
“O my people! Truly, this life of the world is nothing but a (quick passing) enjoyment, and verily, the hereafter that is the home that will remain forever.” [Ghafir : 39]
huh?
Either I managed to write something I did not mean or I managed to write it in a confusing manner. I don't think I talked about appearance.
(fwiw, while he would also only see the outer garments, the hijab, what you consider attractive in a woman may not be the same as what your brother does.)
As long as they are clear beforehand what they expect and how they want her to change/mould herself - otherwise in sales that would be considered miss-selling.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
i'm only looking out for my brother, no one is saying he has to select the girl i suggest. they are nothing but options. If he wants to arrange a meeting he could. I think he wants my help, he'd rather i help than my parents. I will help if i come to know of any sisters.
sorry you some of it was directed at 14rm
“O my people! Truly, this life of the world is nothing but a (quick passing) enjoyment, and verily, the hereafter that is the home that will remain forever.” [Ghafir : 39]
oh, ok.
Just to be clear, I rarely focus on the case at hand and generally waft off into the generic, so what I say is rarely about the single point being discussed (and I sometimes get confused when people somehow manage to take it as a specific concern, even though I suspect that is the normal way as focussing on details makes things easier to discuss, more focussed too).
Inshallah he will be successful in finding someone he wants to marry through halaal means and have a very successful marriage.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
thanks for the dua, much appreciated!
“O my people! Truly, this life of the world is nothing but a (quick passing) enjoyment, and verily, the hereafter that is the home that will remain forever.” [Ghafir : 39]
I think this is an excellent idea.
God will reward you immensely if you help people settle down in love.
through your idea, many brothers and sisters would be helped to find someone to marry.
The database should be simple, free and effective.
hmmmm,
I dont see how you're gonna make money out of this, so for that reason im out lol (Dragons Den)
Im kinda on the fence with this one. I suppose alot of it will depend on how you intend to pull it off. Eds seemed to have given us the rough jist of it, but not really said how he intends to go about it. Or if he's even started compiling a database (or is that his slang for a list of people?).
As YOU has pointed out this kinda thing was not done in the Prophet (pbuh) time, however we can't ignore reality. We live in a time where people are a WHOLE lot different in the way they think to anything that went on in the Prophet (pbuh) time. However, the same guidelines of modesty should still be complied with.
Different people look for different things in a partner. We should not assume that a hijaabi is at the top of their list. And as someone has already pointed out, there is a growing trend of people dating first and then marrying the person once their parents have given in. Maybe this will take some of the cack of the parents and allow an unbiased third party to find someone.
Altho im of the opinon if the kids found someone themselves, then the parents should really allow it.
Back in BLACK
I don't see how this will help with parental apprival in any way.
Guy/Gyal: "Mum, Dad - I want to get married."
Dad: "Great, puttar. Your aunties kid is a doctor."
Guy/Gyal: "erm... I have someone else in mind.
Mum: "but your aunt's family is really poor. We will be helping the family out."
Guy/Gyal: "That's not gonna happen!"
Dad: "Ok, we love you, so I will allow you to marry any nice good Jatt that you want."
Guy/Gyal: "Jatt? I never asked..."
Mum/Dad: "How could you do this to us! Out. We disown you and spit on your children a thousand times."
Guy/Gyal: "Disown? What children!?!"
Dad: "I spit. thoo thoo."
How the people met does not even come into the above!
Agreed and if the couple are sinning while the parents are being an obstacle, the sin goes to the parents.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
How about shared by the parents?
Being dutiful, even if they are being difficult is still important (then again I have no pressure from my mum so can't really empathise in this).
Don't just do something! Stand there.
quote=You]
Thumbs up to the above project...
But I STRONGLY disagree with the statement above..
Someone I know said to me once, that each time she was 'together' with her boyfriend, she was completely blameless and the sin was on her parents head because they prevented their marriage ?!
What about self control???
Also, on the Day of Judgement, we're gonna be accountable for our OWN sins, no one else can take the blame/punishment for our own wrongdoings...its shocking how people are so quick to absolve all responsibility...
Agreed and if the couple are sinning while the parents are being an obstacle, the sin goes to the parents.
[/quote]
.[/quote]
Overrated and ultimately futile.
Even anger sometimes needs to be expressed and not expressing it can cause more harm than expressing it.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
There are quite a few marriage/introduction agencies around today. I applaud your good intentions but, just playing devil's advocate, what makes this one different from all the other marriage agencies around? I suppose you could argue that there is no harm in opening up another one, but with so many already in existent, isnt the market saturated?
IMHO getting married is all about networking. Its about the people you know and how much you are able to market yourself. A lot of good muslim girls/boys remain unmarried because they or their parents dont have good "connections" and tend to stay stay at home at lot of the time, perhaps only going to work and back and going out socialising once in a while which doesnt give them much room to meet/be introduced to potential partners.
May Allah shine sweet faith upon you this day and times beyond. May your heart be enriched with peace, and may your home be blessed always. Ameen.
I think getting married young is a good idea...
A young Muslim girl and guy would be good influences on each other and if you're off to uni or whatever, then it makes things much easier- you don't have to worry about temptation etc because you have a wife or a husband at home who's enough for you and who fulfills you... in that way.
I think it's a good idea (:
#Before you look at the thorns of the rose , look at it's beauty. Before you complain about the heat of the sun , enjoy it's light. Before you complain about the blackness of the night, think of it's peace and quiet... #
Agreed. A sensible idea too, but the current "system" is set up differently in asian families where other things come first (Education, job etc)
Saying that, there is also the question of what will happen if things go wrong - would it be harder for a young couple to deal with/even be a more likely outcome due to potential immaturity? Does that even matter?
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
getting married young is a good idea, but i think it's really hard if the girl ends up pregnant whilst she is studying. Then it will burden herself and her husband. Finance will be a big issue, and her studies will either be put on hold or cut short altogether. Unless they have wealthy parents, or have a large inheritance it could prove difficult.
I think it is better to get the a levels or degree out the way at the very least then think about it.
“O my people! Truly, this life of the world is nothing but a (quick passing) enjoyment, and verily, the hereafter that is the home that will remain forever.” [Ghafir : 39]
I would have to disagree with that. It depends on the person, the level of control and also the strength of the sexual urges.
There will always be an out and the three options are marriage, consentual non-marital sex and nonconsentual (in this case nonmarital too) sex.
If you take both the first two options off the table only the third one remains. and I think that is discounted all too much when people push for idealic solutions.
if you want to be ultra religious, the only option is early marriage. There are no two ways about it. yes the Prophet also encouraged people to fast, but even then, unmarried sahabi's begged to be allowed to castrate themselves to get some control - and these are the best of people, people who sat with, ate with, lived with the Prophet (saw), yet even they struggled.
These days? "Yeah, you need to finish uni, get a job, earn some money, put down a deposit for a house." Some people may need to be able to do that, but tey are fighting nature, fighting what God instilled into them. For others, taking marriage off the table leaves nonmarital sex as the only viable alternative.
If consentual nonmarital sex is taken off the table too, only true evil remains and that is so bad that I can no longer tell people to refrain from dating, haraam. It's a lesser of two evils. Hell, if they do not have the charm to pull it off themselves, I would not think ill of them getting some hired help. Anything to prevent option three.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
From ahadith:
and:
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
Aired Sunday 26 Jul 2009 7pm on Channel 4, watch here.
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