Salaam
Yeh, I know I started this thread before but I want to start it again, because once again this “free mixing” issue has become a bit cloudy.
What on Earth is “free-mixing”?
When I go to Uni and when need be talk to guys/my lecturers/ the Admin etc Am I free mixing?
When go to town and do shopping for mum-Am I free mixing…cos my town centre is not gender segregated.
When I take my baby sister to the doctor/dentist- Am I “free mixing”?
When I’m sitting on the bus or train…Am I free mixing?
When I go to my Mosque and chat to the Imam’s …Am I free mixing?
I don’t think I am. I’m always covered and only ever chat to members if the opposite sex if I really have to.
Whenever my dad/brothers mates come to my house they sit in the front room whilst the girls are in the back room…….but sometimes my uncle brings his mates to our house and we all sit in the same room together….that’s cos his mates are involved with MPAC and they wish to speak to us all about it…..so if I’m properly covered, my families in the room with me, no one’s trying it on with anyone….is there anything wrong with that?
The iron curtain that is drawn by some regarding “free-mixing” bugs me.
What also bugs me is the “its all about the niyat (intentions)” motto that many people abide by.
Some claim that they are unable to find partners because Islam draws such extreme iron curtains between males and females…..which is understandable.
Others claim that they must “date” before they get married, in order to see what the person is really like…… this is not understandable…
We live in a society where girls and boys interact with one another. It’s inevitable.
I feel that if the conversation/interaction is absolutely necessary and does not border on flirting etc then one is justified……but at the same time I don’t believe that girls and boys can “just be friends”.
And in what way does free-mixing take place in the Mosque? Is it when paths cross on the way to the Imam's office?
If women ever managed to get on the Mosque committee's would they be "free mixing"?
So bearing all the implications/limitations of living in the West in mind, share your thoughts…what exactly is free mixing and where do we draw the line?
Wasalaam
free mixing i take to mean socialising with the opposite sex, including chatting and making light conversation
taking on a professional level when necessary is not free mixing
the only thing i talk about on a social level with men is religion/politics and even then i feel this is too much free mixing for me
before marriage i avoided talking to men as much as i could and got myself a name with boys as 'one not to be messed with'. this was adequate for me
when any man talks to me he knows where he stands the signals from me are quite clear, i'm not exactly horrible but i'm serious and firm
My level of free-mixing:
1. give salaam to cousins and other ghayr mahram relatives or family friends; answer questions if asked but dont initiate any convo, rarely ask how they are.
2. very rarely attend mixed functions and if i have to go then show up for 10 mins, give my salaam to as many people as possible and leave.
3. i dont discuss politics or debate religion with females unless they asking a masala in which case i give the answer if i learnt it.
4. went to all-boys secondary school, have no sisters so didnt chat with girls at school or when doing a level, and didnt have to deal with sisters friends so thats another fitnah out of the way.
5. madrassah is boys only, girls madrassah is on side road so no connection with that except when decorating or when we were sorting the garden out cos the female student didnt do the decorating or sort out the garden. Now the female students clean inside and once a week we are sent to clean the outside but headteacher fones his wife up frst and tells her to make sure curtains are drawn and that the girls dont peep out.
so basically i have no connectino with unrelated women. Make dua that ALLAh protect me from the fitnah that is uni.
Ya ALLAH Madad.
Haq Chaar Yaar
I agree with nearly everything Muslim Sis has said. I think it come down to whether it is a control environment or not. Take when I was at Uni, at time I had to do group project and had to work with the opposite sex, when in the classroom or in the Library I thought it was approriate, private study together not so approriate. It about gaining a balance and guarding your intention and not putting ourselve into situation where you may wrong ourselve.
"A true Muslim is thankful to Allah in prosperity, and resigned to His will in adversity."
[url=http//www.guidancemedia.com/videostream.php?id=Burda.mov]Quran[/url]
Salam
Its not a soup. There is no such thing as free mixing.
There is nothing wrong when a girl talks to a boy whom she intends to marry, and wishes to be clear about certain things beforehand. Islam does not consider this as dating.
Dating means letting a boy enjoy you before marriage.
If the boy has NOT agreed to marry you, then there is no point in allowing him enjoy you "freely". Only loose women do that.
Trying your best to persuade him to marry you is same as begging him. This is a desparate act. Not a nice thing on a woman's record. If the man is interested he will only require one clear message. He who needs a chase is bad news.
Other than this scenario, it is fine to be among men in public and talk to them whenever appropriate as highlighted by examples given by the pious lady.
Omrow
some people blow "free mixing" out of proportion
to them everything is free mixing
just cos paths cross sometimes when women go to Mosque to read Eid prayer
people call that "free mixing" and end up banning the women :roll: :roll:
actually the banning is not based on women crossing the path at eid. I refer you to hijab and jeans and the fatwa of Imam Abu Haneefah, Imam Muhammad and Imam Abu Yusuf and I still have not had any proof that the hanafi fatwa has been changed.
Ya ALLAH Madad.
Haq Chaar Yaar
Ameen brother. its not that easy, but im sure your strong enuff. Inshallah i'll be monitering my own actions more closesly this year at uni......but i wont be a hypocrite, i talk to the ladies but very rarely and only a lil hi-bye-how ya doin-wats happenin.
Hey MuslimSis......some could say me posting a reply to your thread is free-mixing :shock: :shock: :shock:
The Lover is ever drunk with love;
He is free, he is mad,
He dances with ecstasy and delight.
Caught by our own thoughts,
We worry about every little thing,
But once we get drunk on that love,
Whatever will be, will be.
ɐɥɐɥ
Free-Mixing... yes a touchy subject.
In my definition free-mixing is only when you freely (out of no obligation) socialise with members of the opposite sex. And as MS said we live in a society where male & female interaction can not be avoided, be it thru work, college, uni.
I think college and uni are the possibly the hardest places to live by the 'no-free-mixing' rule. since alot of teens are now "at that age" they have to learn self control. And i'll admit i did free-mix thru college... well not in Omrows term anyway (enjoying women... wat the hell does that mean?) we used to just hang around togeather whilst we were in college.
Fortunately i had changed my view by the time i was about to go to uni, and (prob by God grace alone) i ended up in a class which was dominantly all guys (one girl). The bad part was they werent good company to hang around with (took one conv to figour that out).
Work is another such place that forces guys&girls to be around each other. I think it was around this time i started becoming more religious and since i had little choice with whom i worked i adopted the "brother & sister" outlook. As soon as i started referin to any girl that i worked with as Sis Shaz or Sis Shnaz, people tend to the idea i wasnt interested in them at all. Worked like a charm. Heck i still do that.
Back in BLACK
AbdusSalam got some friends who go bham and who gonna be doctors and they go that there is noway u can get through uni without speaking with women cos classes, study circles and dsicussions and stuff are all mixed so i think im not gonna exactly implement the sgregation that i wud like BUT that doesnt mean im gonna talk to them beyond the absolute necessity., inshaALLAH
Ya ALLAH Madad.
Haq Chaar Yaar
When workin you have to talk to the opposite sex its inevitable but what matters and makes a difference is where you draw the line and what you talk bout. If one comes across as being "interested" then obviously the person will get the wrong message, so in places like wokr/uni college etc one should make their stance clear bout where they stand and not talk bout things which are pointless and not necessary to talk bout...
yeh the extremists/backwards ones would say that
such people should only visit segregated forums
True, but alot of people (mostly girls ive noticed) dont like awkward silences so they'll try and fill them by making small talk.
Back in BLACK
are there any male only muslim forums?
Ya ALLAH Madad.
Haq Chaar Yaar
if there are ive never come across them.
Back in BLACK
isnt it u who said
seek and u shall find.
Revival forum is NOT segrated.
men and women talk together
articls in the mag are written by men and women
if the "weak evil men" cant handle this
they should escape this fitna and migrate to a segregated forum
Tru tru, seek and you shall find.
However my i must confess my search for such a forum hasnt extended very far than a quick google search. But even then i may have missed somethng.
If you believe that by talking to girls on this board you're committing a sin then by all means leave, we wont stop you.
Back in BLACK
seraph i agree it is sinful but i aint lettin u lot off this easy.
I have only just started annoying some thoroughly amusing characters over here, wheres the fun in just leaving. However if i get an attack of conscience then i may well leave.
Actually i dont think it is fittin for a talib to be here but my posts regrding Hijab and Jeans thread have given me some confidence that there may be some benefit in these forums becuase as of yet no1 has proved me wrong on the fatwa of the Elders of Ahnaaf.
Ya ALLAH Madad.
Haq Chaar Yaar
so u ignored what Mr Ed posted from the Hanifi text regarding women and mosques? :roll:
Your dodging me question.
Do you believe yourself to be commiting a sin by talking to sister on this forum?
Back in BLACK
good question
all "inherently weak evil men" should ignore all sisters and NEVER post in their threads
No. If you read my entire post you will see that I have accepted editors text, but point is I made a request for some evidence to be given that the hanafi ruling is no longer according to the one given by Imam Muhammad, Imam Abu Yusuf and IMam Abu Haneefah and I am still waiting.
I humbly refer you to my posts in that thread, you will not I accept the validity of editors proofs but like i said b4. Those hadeeth reached the Ulama of Ahnaaf aswell, so they still gave their fatwa. WE asl muqallid hanafi do not start our own fiqh by quoting from ahadeeth and making our own masail. Rather we rely on the rulings given by our elders because they saw the whole evidences rather than us just sitting with a few copies of ahadeeth.
yes i do think it is sinful. I will NOT defend my actions.
MuslimSis u request me not to post in your threads?
Ya ALLAH Madad.
Haq Chaar Yaar
its not my thread
put ur glasses back on
and answer Seraphs Question
you have comitted 221 posts..........approx 100 sins i would say to date.
nah man....this is musslim youth forum...we discuss important and relevant stuff
The Lover is ever drunk with love;
He is free, he is mad,
He dances with ecstasy and delight.
Caught by our own thoughts,
We worry about every little thing,
But once we get drunk on that love,
Whatever will be, will be.
ɐɥɐɥ
May I suggest YOU put YOUR glasses on.
I have answered seraphs question above.
Ya ALLAH Madad.
Haq Chaar Yaar
If you really do look at all evidences as a whole, then why do you not look at the ruling given by given by Imam Muhammad, Imam Abu Yusuf and Imam Abu Haneefah in the context of all the other evidence?
No student of knowledge or cleric today can by himself issue a fatwa against the above three aimmah. The ruling of the hanafi madhab can only have been changed if major ulama in a major movement decreed that the hanafi ruling is now this . . .
Bro you make an elemental error. It is not ME or my Teachers or even their Teachers who look at all evidences as a whole. It was the mujtahid imams who did that. We now do not have any mujtahid imams so new rulings have to be made by major movements in hanafi madhab. There is no evidence, not even the shreds of evidence that the earlier hanafi ruling has been changed. If there is such evidence, as I stated before brother plz provide it and i will present it to my Teachers and ask them to explain to me the correct hanafi ruling.
Do not think that I or my teachers are giving their own meanings. We have simply delved into the books containing hanafi masail and taken what was handed down to us from Imam Abu Haneefah to us. The issue is we say that this is the ruling of the earlier Founders of Ahnaaf adn we have yet not seen evidence that the ruling has changed.
Ya ALLAH Madad.
Haq Chaar Yaar
so do u feel ashamed over ur actions and blatent sinning?
Why keep sinning then?
Your not making much sense here. :roll:
Back in BLACK
whats there to make sense?
I think it is sinful, just because I do a sin doesnt mean that im gonna start defending it or justifying it. I could just as easily have written no there is nothing wrong with this but then i wud be defending my sin. Sinning is bad enough, defending your sins is inexcusable.
Ya ALLAH Madad.
Haq Chaar Yaar
and what about the "yeh I sin-And what" kind of mentality
is that excusable?
Pages