Jokes!

You have to be Asian to get this.

Why is it encouraging to see a fat woman wait?

Because she is motivating!

For non-Asians: Moti= Fat (feminine)

:? 🙂

[quote="Courage"]You have to be Asian to get this.

Why is it encouraging to see a fat woman wait?

Because she is motivating!

For non-Asians: Moti= Fat (feminine)[/quote]
it would be better if it was motee--vating

[quote="Irfan.khan"][quote="Courage"]You have to be Asian to get this.

Why is it encouraging to see a fat woman wait?

Because she is motivating!

For non-Asians: Moti= Fat (feminine)[/quote]
it would be better if it was motee--vating[/quote]

true true

Ha ha.... yeah

That one is about as good as:

What happened to the frog that broke down? It got TOAD away!

In fact mines better. 😂

The delivery is obviously different in speaking and unless your weird a hyphon isnt required when you say it.
Why the hell did i write this man i think im going mad.

A sufi, a salafi, a tablighi jamaati and a hizb-u-tehriri are chilling out enjoying a pizza together.

Suddenly, the light bulb goes out and in the pitch black an argument breaks on what to do.

The TJ speaks up first; "Brothers, I think we should make a jamaat, elect an amir and read Fazail-e-Amaal together for guidance".

"And how you gonna read bro?" said the HT, "There's no light. We must first establish a khilafa state and the Caliph will decide how to rectify the situation."

"No, no. You're both wrong" interrupts the sufi, "The 4 of us will hold a dhikr gathering and the noor from the dhikr will light up the room."

The 3 of them start arguing again and then fall silent and look at the salafi; "Well. What do you think we should do?" they all ask him.

"Brother", replies the salafi, "Where's your daleel for the light bulb?"

erm whats a daleel?

[quote="M4k4v3l1"]erm whats a daleel?[/quote]

the punchline to the joke!

It means proof. I think.

Here's the Christian version of that joke...I don't understand some of it:

[b]How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb? [/b]

Charismatics: Only one. Hands already in the air.

Pentecostals: Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

Presbyterians: None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

Roman Catholic: None. Candles only.

Baptists: At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad.

Episcopalians: Eight. One to call the electrician, and seven to say how much they liked the old one better.

Mormons: Five. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.

Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your light bulb, and present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

Methodists: Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved -- you can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Churchwide lighting service is planned for Sunday, August 19. Bring bulb of your choice and a covered dish.

Nazarene: Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.

Lutherans: None. Lutherans don't believe in change.

Amish: What's a light bulb?

Jehovas Witnesses: None. The lights are on but no one's home.

Seeing as we're all posting jokes we've only just come across on the net, here's mine:

[quote][b]Why Do These Muslim *******s Keep Calling Me "Islamophobic"?[/b]

I just don't get it, dude.

I like a frank debate on the issues of the day as much as the next man and I'm always polite. I respect their wacko cultural sensitivities and ****, but I've just about had it with these ****ing Muslims calling me some kind of bigot.

It's always the same - I'll be having an online discussion with some towel-head, and the next thing I know Abdul or whoever gets all aggressive and starts calling me all these filthy names.

One minute I'm making a perfectly valid point about how they're all ignorant sheep following a religion of hate, and out of nowhere they'll suddenly accuse me of being "racist" or "prejudiced".

Just why do these Muslim *******s keep calling me "Islamophobic"? Does the Koran command them to be dumbasses or something?

And Allah help me if I so much as mention the fact that their holy book totally commands them to kill or convert everyone on Earth, which would be a disgusting breach of human rights and wrong. Only a fanatical psycho would think about genocide in the name of religion.

It makes me so mad, sometimes I think we should just nuke 'em all and let God sort 'em out.

Well, I'm done being polite. If I want to call a fifth of the world's population fanatical killers I will, and if they've got any objections they can come take a shot at me any time - my email address is out there for the world to see.

Come try it if you got the balls, Islamonazis.[/quote]

...is this a joke Beast? Looks more like a death threat to online Muslim posters...?

lol i was thinkin the same fing

Read between the lines people.

The guy is being sarcastic.

[quote="MuslimSister"]A sufi, a salafi, a tablighi jamaati and a hizb-u-tehriri are chilling out enjoying a pizza together.

Suddenly, the light bulb goes out and in the pitch black an argument breaks on what to do.

The TJ speaks up first; "Brothers, I think we should make a jamaat, elect an amir and read Fazail-e-Amaal together for guidance".

"And how you gonna read bro?" said the HT, "There's no light. We must first establish a khilafa state and the Caliph will decide how to rectify the situation."

"No, no. You're both wrong" interrupts the sufi, "The 4 of us will hold a dhikr gathering and the noor from the dhikr will light up the room."

The 3 of them start arguing again and then fall silent and look at the salafi; "Well. What do you think we should do?" they all ask him.

"Brother", replies the salafi, "Where's your daleel for the light bulb?"[/quote]

lol!

lol the ligh bulb joke is hilarious!!! i had to share it with mum and dad

teh christians changing light bulb was funny too...altho not sure of a few of the groups, get a gud idea

[quote="M4k4v3l1"]A Pakistani guy, an Indian guy, a beautiful girl and an old woman were sitting in a train. The train was going through a tunnel and then it gets completely dark.

Suddenly there was a KISSING sound and then a SLAP!

The train came out of the tunnel. The beautiful girl, the old woman and the Pakistani guy were sitting there looking perplexed.

The Indian guy was bent over holding his face, which was red from an apparent slap.

The old woman was thinking:
"That Indian must have tried to kiss that girl and has got slapped."

The Indian guy was thinking:
"Damn it, that Pakistani guy must have tried to kiss the girl, she thought it was me and slapped me."

The girl was thinking:
"That Indian guy must have moved to kiss me, and kissed the Pakistani guy instead and got slapped."

The Pakistani guy was thinking:
"If this train will again pass through another tunnel, I could make another kissing sound and slap that Indian guy again[/quote]

LMAO!

loooooooool thats funni..!!!

😂

4 men....A Yank, a Brit, a Russian and a Pak.
Yank says im a CIA agent
Brit says im a MI5 agent
Russian says im a KGB agent
Pak says im a newsagent!

Actually i think you'll find the KGB no longer exist. They were part of the Soviet Union back in the cold war, but where disbanded in 1995.

[quote="Seraphim"]Actually i think you'll find the KGB no longer exist. They were part of the Soviet Union back in the cold war, but where disbanded in 1995.[/quote]

Big deal! Dont take all the fun outta the jokes.

Some would argue against that ^

[quote="Irfan and or Funzo"]Some would argue against that ^[/quote]
oright nobody cares
lets not kill the topic n just stick to the jokes k?

Ooooh calm down love! keep your hijaab on!

[quote="Irfan and or Funzo"]Ooooh calm down love! keep your hijaab on![/quote]

😂

[quote="Irfan and or Funzo"]Ooooh calm down love! keep your hijaab on![/quote]

I see everyone is taking a liking to my hijab joke re:Makaveli.

Stroke o' genius 😉

itz all coz of uuuuuuu am in this position lol

Yeah true.

But you were the one who put that pic up as your display picture.

Shot yourself in the foot mate. 😂 😃 🙂 😛 :!: