Muslims Dating

[quote="Seraph"]

LilSis.. language.[/quote]

sorry garfield

but truth is I've never considered the C word as a swear word :oops:

[quote="MuslimSisLilSis"][quote="Seraph"]

LilSis.. language.[/quote]

sorry garfield

but truth is I've never considered the C word as a swear word :oops:[/quote]

lol

[quote="IAAMS"]well know cos if your talkin from experience then why not just say, in isam it is wrong to lie[/quote]

angel your right this does sound familiar lol

just go and get a life IAAMS

nobody in this forum is willing to waste their time on immature, confused and sad people who use their time to try and irritate other people...hint hint

Lets try and stick to the topic people.

Less cussin more debating.

[quote="Seraph"]Lets try and stick to the topic people.

Less cussin more debating.[/quote]
Yes that is what I was gone to say,

back to the topic iaams...

[quote="Aasiyah"][quote="IAAMS"]once a sister was talking to me about marriage she kept saying that dating is wrong and then when i mentioned parents arranging marriages for their children she said noway man i wouldnt have an arranged marriage. i meen this girl her father works at the mosque i thoght she'd no more. she just didnt make sense.[/quote]
[b]wot is ur definition of an arranged marriage?[/b][/quote]

Salam

[quote="Seraph"]So WHY i ask you do muslims date?[/quote]

They dont see it as a big deal.

They say: "At least we are not killing anybody."

Dating is not that bad for them.

Giving girls a bit of pleasure is something that they believe God will overlook.

Omrow

[quote="Omrow"]Salam

[quote="Seraph"]So WHY i ask you do muslims date?[/quote]

They dont see it as a big deal.

They say: "At least we are not killing anybody."

Dating is not that bad for them.

Giving girls a bit of pleasure is something that they believe God will overlook.

Omrow[/quote]

Even if its haraam pleasure?

And what makes them think God will overlook it?

[quote="Omrow"]

They dont see it as a big deal.

They say: "At least we are not killing anybody."

[/quote]

I agree.

Today, the seriousness of sins has been downplayed, almost everything is seen as being "minor"

This is because many have a tendency to self-justify their actions by comparing sins with other sins.

Some look at the extreme actions of other Muslims such as fornication or adultery and compare them to their own.....That way dating seems trivial in comparison.

We should realise that a sin’s a sin, which all bring about the wrath and punishment of Allah (swt).

[quote="Seraph"]

And what makes them think God will overlook it?[/quote]

their arrognace or their dumbness

Using the word dumb sounds, well dumb. Use stupidity instead. Its also more politically correct. (being dumb is a disability).

Its not a choice: 'hmmm... lets see, shall I kill someone, or shall I go on a date?'

Its not an either or situation, so it not a valid excuse.

[quote="Admin"]Using the word dumb sounds, well dumb. Use stupidity instead. Its also more politically correct. (being dumb is a disability).

.[/quote]

I initially used the word stupid but changed it cos I thought the word Dumb sounded better

my choice

Dumb is a disaility but this word is also used for people who are slow/stupid

even Quran refers to people who are deaf, dumb and blind yet we all know God is not talking about their physical disabilties

btw people who date ARE dumb as as u would like to say "Stupid"

[quote="MuslimSisLilSis"][quote="Admin"]
Its not a choice: 'hmmm... lets see, shall I kill someone, or shall I go on a date?'

.[/quote]

dating is seen as a lesser sin

people do this a lot

for axample when I never wore the scarf when I was younger to prevent me from feeling guilty I'd think to myself "at least I'm not wearing a mini skirt unlike some Muslim girls"

its a lame justification but it works-[/quote]

deleted

Salaam

I don’t believe that marriage is always the answer.

When I was in college a friend of mine was involved with this guy who had absolutely nothing going for him…he had a bad character, was involved in a lot of dodgy stuff, he wasn’t working/studying, he messed her about and was extremely immature.

Thankfully, my friend finally saw him for what he was and finished it.

I wouldn’t say that marriage is the answer for that boy; he seriously needs to sort himself out first before he can even think about marriage.

Just because someone reaches a certain age and have physical needs to be met this does not necessarily mean that they should get married.

They need to be of the right frame of mind first and mature enough to take it seriously….otherwise they’re just going to mess someone else’s life up.

If anything, his parents should stress more so on deen. And sort his frame of mind out.

Marriage also isnt the answer for many of the 14/15 years olds who are involved in the dating game either.

Of course, this also doesn’t mean that marriage should be prolonged for ages either.

Wasalaam

[quote="yashmaki"]Many a time parents wrongly delay their childs marriage, for the attainment of some degree or phd. Isn't it far wiser to marry your child first protect them from this major sin, then permit them to study?
[/quote]

yeh this is one of the biggest mistakes that parents make...i mean there are some people that are at uni and they would like to get married but because their parents think that it isnt the right time yet (in other words get degree 1st!) then these people start the dating game...and in some cases marriage might not be the answer like muslimsister said but it does protect you from a lot of problems esp. while studying.

[quote="yashmaki"]Many a time parents wrongly delay their childs marriage, for the attainment of some degree or phd. Isn't it far wiser to marry your child first protect them from this major sin, then permit them to study?
[/quote]

Its not as easy as that.

Theres no point in getting some1 hitched if they can't financially support they're partner and lets face it not many girls are gonna be too chuffed to live with (as well as live-off) the inlaws.
Which is why parents say get a degree first, after which a job will follow by which a means to support yourself as well as your partner.

People just need to learn self control.

deleted

[quote="MuslimSister"]Salaam

I don’t believe that marriage is always the answer.

When I was in college a friend of mine was involved with this guy who had absolutely nothing going for him…he had a bad character, was involved in a lot of dodgy stuff, he wasn’t working/studying, he messed her about and was extremely immature.

Thankfully, my friend finally saw him for what he was and finished it.

I wouldn’t say that marriage is the answer for that boy; he seriously needs to sort himself out first before he can even think about marriage.

Just because someone reaches a certain age and have physical needs to be met this does not necessarily mean that they should get married.

They need to be of the right frame of mind first and mature enough to take it seriously….otherwise they’re just going to mess someone else’s life up.

If anything, his parents should stress more so on deen. And sort his frame of mind out.

Marriage also isnt the answer for many of the 14/15 years olds who are involved in the dating game either.

Of course, this also doesn’t mean that marriage should be prolonged for ages either.

Wasalaam[/quote]

marriage may not have been the answer for the immature guy, but what about ur friend?

i agree with yashmaki's views on this issue...

[quote="yashmaki"]Even when the child has finished uni, they then make another excuse now its phd. Then oh its training. Yes work has started but im not earning enough i need more. I duno seems like excuse after excuse :roll: [/quote]

That's my excuse, but now I'm not to sure I want to do a PHD.

[quote="Aasiyah"]

marriage may not have been the answer for the immature guy, but what about ur friend?

i agree with yashmaki's views on this issue...[/quote]

my sisters mate getting married v soon

the boy is a lost cause though-i dont think he should EVER get married

money plays a part but its more important to be mature enough to handle marrige

and just cos some are mature enough to do haraam stuff-that dont mean theu're mature enough to get married

[quote="Aasiyah"]

marriage may not have been the answer for the immature guy, but what about ur friend?

i agree with yashmaki's views on this issue...[/quote]

Salaam

My friend shaped up, regrets the past and is getting married.

I think that one needs to be in the right frame of mind before they get married.

If in college her parents had given in to her request to marry that wannabe G, she’d probably be divorced by now…

One becomes physically mature in their early teens but mental maturity takes a bit longer to kick in…

People shouldn’t jump into marriage unless they are mature enough to handle the responsibility.

Wasalaam

[quote="MuslimSister"]People shouldn’t jump into marriage unless they are mature enough to handle the responsibility.[/quote]
Yes, I agree
Marriage is a major thing and you can't play with marriage and jump to conclusions and a wife/husband should be chosen carefully.

deleted

[quote="yashmaki"]but sounds like you're implying its ok to jump into dating :roll: perhaps im reading too much into your comment. Anyways sick of this topic already[/quote]

Lol-What makes you think that?

Just because I’m anti early marriage for two immature people who can not handle responsibility, this does not mean that I’m all for dating.

Dating is strictly forbidden, and marriage for someone too immature to handle the responsibility is a recipe for disaster.

I agree with muslim sis on this one, if the guy aint mentally ready and is likely to mess, its best to hold up in the marriage issue, its best if he gets his act together, also when a guy doesnt want to get married and hasnt prepared himself mentally, marriage will be a huge step and he mite just not give 100% into the marriage or try to which will cause many problems in the long run..

[quote="angel"]I agree with muslim sis on this one, if the guy aint mentally ready and is likely to mess, its best to hold up in the marriage issue, its best if he gets his act together, also when a guy doesnt want to get married and hasnt prepared himself mentally, marriage will be a huge step and he mite just not give 100% into the marriage or try to which will cause many problems in the long run..[/quote]

If a guys not ready for marriage ... he's not ready.

Theres no two ways about it. Theres a huge difference between what a guy expects of a g/f and what he expects of a wife and what they would expect of him. So you cant say that if he's ready to date than he should be ready to marry.

Both the guy and the girl have to be ready for the responsibilities of marriage, its not something to be taken lightly as you will be (or SHOULD BE IMO) be spending the rest of your lives togeather. So they both must be sure that they are ready for such a responsiblity.

I thought id go dig this old thread out.

Since I was chatting to a friend of mine who said something i'd like to here what you guys think:

Basic scenario is he's dropped outta studies and doing call center jobs for just over a year now. And his parents are banging on at him to either go back to studies (which he doesnt wanna do) or get a decent job (which he cant really do without some decent qualifications) so basicly he's in a muddle at the moment.
Anywayz, his parents said to him that he's got one year to get his act togeather coz if he hasnt decided by then what he wants to do they're just gonna marry him off as they wanna "fullfill their obligations" he was telling me this (and i was laughing 😃 ... which is not kool ..i know) to which he said i dont wanna marry someone i dont know, id rather get to know them first.
Obviously i went thru the whole thats dating and it aint allowed routine... but he seems to be too unsure. I think thats the worst thing really when you're stuck in this phase of uncertainty.
I dont think its right for his parents to force marriage onto him especially at this time when he doesnt know if he's coming or going, but then again i can see where they're coming from wanting to fullfill their farz.

How much are we allowed to know about a potential spouse? Without meeting them?

Enough to know if you want to marry them but aslong as everything is done in a halal way.

Aslong as everything is done in the correct manner and if they have permission from their parents time doesnt matter.

[color=magenta]hmmmmmm interesting topic, we were having a discussion with this chinese guy he was telling us all his indian friends were against the idea of arranged marriages during their teenage years but whn they came in to their 20's slowly their parents strted to introduce them to potential hubbies/wifeys n the more guys/girls they bought along the more thye agreeed with it because now thy were way past the stage where they would want to marry someone because they were "fit" and knew they wanted the whole packag like personality etc and he was like he thnks arranged marriage are fantastic because obviously ur parents will look for the whole package n whether this person is compatiable for you.

obviously your friend has the issue with gettting to knw the person n that is totally natural cuz he is expected to live with this person for his whole life so it is important that he finds someone suitable with the same ideas etc as him,but he will have to follow the islamic guidelines and he can do it thru the parents our parents want us to be happy [/color]