Adoption

MuslimSister —

Salaam

The Asian community does have a lot to be proud of…

As a community we welcome strangers into our home, we never leave guests without feeding them, we have unshakable family values and many are fiercely passionate about our culture.

So why is it that when it comes to the idea of adopting a child/baby all alone in the world, we don’t want to know?

Most of us have been lucky enough to have a mum and dad who we’ve taken for granted.

If someone has been trying for years and is unable to have a baby…is there something wrong with adopting a child?

I think adoption is largely a taboo act…a lady was telling me that if the parents gave their child up for adoption then obviously its cos the child’s past is shameful…..

But does it really matter how the child came in the world?

Is it right to hold an innocent child accountable for what his/her parents have done?

I know Islam says a lot about orphans and their rights…but I’m not sure what Islam says about adopting children.

A family friend of mine is desperate for a baby and she’s been married for 10 years…it’s a lonely life, but I really don’t understand why she just doesn’t adopt.

Is our love only for our “own”?

And does religion play a part in this? Naturally one would want to bring up their child as a Muslim…however say that child was mature and wished to stick to his/her own faith, would it be right to allow this?

The main issue that confuses me is that of this Mehram/Non Mehram issue….hypothetically speaking would I need to do pardah in front of my adopted son? Would sisters need to do pardah in front of their brother who was adopted?

…is the above mentioned reason, the reason why Muslims shy away from adoption?

Share your thoughts.

Wasalaam

Forum

You — Tue, 20 Sep 2005 - 22:08

not really.

They will not get the shock years down the line...

And the affection shown to the kid will prove the new parent has for the kid...

Sirus — Tue, 20 Sep 2005 - 22:10

well....(ive watched 2 much films in my past life lol).....they go out in search of real parents? they refuse to accept their adopted parents? people find out and isult?

i duno!!

but i guess its worse not telling them. but then......is there any love lost when they realise your not the biological parent?

im just babbling on!!

Aphrodite — Tue, 20 Sep 2005 - 22:11

[quote="Darth V-Hayder"]well....(ive watched 2 much films in my past life lol).....they go out in search of real parents? they refuse to accept their adopted parents? people find out and isult?

i duno!!

but i guess its worse not telling them. but then......is there any love lost when they realise your not the biological parent?

im just babbling on!![/quote]

If the child has been loved and nurtured well, then if anything, they'll feel more love and gratitute towards the adoptive parents - after all, they were chosen especially.

MuslimSisLilSis — Tue, 20 Sep 2005 - 22:32

hay DUH u've been watching too many indian films :roll:

IF I found out that i was adopted I couldnt care less who my good for nothing real parents are

a girl we know-who knows she's adopted often says that

btw a lady mentioned that adoption MUST be in the family cos of pardah issue-is that right?

You — Tue, 20 Sep 2005 - 22:38

no, it is wrong.

MuslimSisLilSis — Tue, 20 Sep 2005 - 22:41

[quote="Admin"]no, it is wrong.[/quote]

does a adopted mature son need to do pardah in front of his mother?

Sirus — Wed, 21 Sep 2005 - 00:34

[quote="MuslimSisLilSis"]hay DUH u've been watching too many indian films :roll:

[/quote]

it was in my past life!!!!!

and only a few...now n then... :oops:

Angel — Wed, 21 Sep 2005 - 01:04

[quote="Darth V-Hayder"]well....(ive watched 2 much films in my past life lol).....they go out in search of real parents? they refuse to accept their adopted parents? people find out and isult?

i duno!!

[/quote]

Lol dont rely on films to give u info on reality, they always have the tendency to exagerate!

I agree that a child should know their adopted cuz it will be less of a shock as opposed later in life. Why do ppl hide the fact that a child has been adopted? its not right!

Aphrodite — Wed, 21 Sep 2005 - 04:41

[quote="MuslimSisLilSis"][quote="Admin"]no, it is wrong.[/quote]

does a adopted mature son need to do pardah in front of his mother?[/quote]

Yes - unless she suckled him as an infant, or unless she was a blood relative before adopting him, i.e, an aunt.

MuslimSisLilSis — Wed, 21 Sep 2005 - 15:33

in most cases kids arent always adopted as babies

so mums need to do pardah in front of them

myabe thats why many asians dont like to adopt

Omrow — Sat, 26 Nov 2005 - 14:49

Salam

[quote="Salma"]Adoption Is Haraam?

i recently heard this and cant believe it might actually be true

apparently it is haraam in islam to adopt a child and give them your 'name', when they are not actually your child (i have heard only fostering a child is allowed)

is this true???

i really hope its not, i had big plans for the future with me and my adopted kids[/quote]

If the child is son of Peter. You cannot call him son of John. That would be false. God forbids lying.

When he grows up you must tell him whose son he really is.

Adoption is allowed in Islam. Infact, it is recommended.

Prophet was an orphan.

After his parents had died, he was adopted by his uncle Abu Talib.

Omrow

MuslimSisLilSis — Sat, 26 Nov 2005 - 22:58

yeh nothing wrong with adoption

but u just need to make sure ur child knows his real identity

Dave — Sat, 26 Nov 2005 - 23:19

[quote="MuslimSisLilSis"]yeh nothing wrong with adoption

but u just need to make sure ur child knows his real identity[/quote]

And as long as you don't forget to adopt a little girl too.

For some reason adoption rates for girls is way lower than for guys, it's also lower based on race and area of the world.

Pretty sad...

John McCain adopted a little Bengali girl I think - Karl Rove used it in the 2000 election as a pull polling tactic to tell people in my state John McCain had a little black baby - which cost him SC and eventually the election (it's the reason he is so furious with KR)

That was definitely a stain on the state and the party - I didn't really learn about it until after the election.

Always liked McCain

Angel — Sun, 27 Nov 2005 - 01:22

[quote="Jihad Soldier"]
Salaam all

From what I've heard and read, if someone is trying but can't have kids it is haram for them 2 adopt children because if Allah wished them to have children they would have but seeing as they don't it would be haram to adopt because it is going againest Allah's wishes.

I would ;like to hear views on the comment I just made so plz hit me bak on this ppl
[/quote]

I think your comment is invalid cuz if someone cant have kids true Allah knows what is best for them but if someone decides to adopt an orphan whom is in need of care/love then that is somethin that is encouraged in Islam

It is a Ahadith where it is narrated that Holy Prophet ﷺ said " those who bring up an orphan then on judgment day, I and him will be like this" (the Holy Prophet ﷺ put his index and middle finger together)

That is an indication to the ummah to look after the orphan hence they shall be those closer to the Holy Prophet ﷺ on judgment day.

Dave — Sun, 27 Nov 2005 - 15:29

[quote="angel"]I think your comment is invalid cuz if someone cant have kids true Allah knows what is best for them but if someone decides to adopt an orphan whom is in need of care/love then that is somethin that is encouraged in Islam

It is a Ahadith where it is narrated that Holy Prophet ﷺ said " those who bring up an orphan then on judgment day, I and him will be like this" (the Holy Prophet ﷺ put his index and middle finger together)

That is an indication to the ummah to look after the orphan hence they shall be those closer to the Holy Prophet ﷺ on judgment day.[/quote]

That makes a lot of sense if you consider that Muhammad was himself an orphan.

I always interpreted that as the reason he had a soft spot for women and children.

lol a psychological evaluation of an arab who died 1400 years ago from a kid that doesn't know anything about psychology... methinks this will not fly in the American Psychological Journal.

Angel — Sun, 27 Nov 2005 - 19:47

[quote="Jihad Soldier"]

Salaam, thanks angel. I also heard sponsoring a child will bring the same reward on judgement day, does any1 no if this is true?[/quote]

No problem, btw doesnt sponsoring mean to give the necessary things in life to a child ie,. food, education etc. So i would think that sponsors may come under the categoryof upbringin, you may not be bring the child to your own house but you are given the child somethin by other means but Allah knows best.

MuslimSisLilSis — Mon, 28 Nov 2005 - 11:05

Dave I'm not an orphan but I also hold soft spot for kids/ophans and oppressed women

Ithink its a natural thing

everyone feels for the weak and helpless

Dave — Mon, 28 Nov 2005 - 14:45

[quote="MuslimSisLilSis"]Dave I'm not an orphan but I also hold soft spot for kids/ophans and oppressed women

Ithink its a natural thing

everyone feels for the weak and helpless[/quote]

oookay

Well scratch adopt lilsis off my list of things to do today.

lol I don't really... get what you're saying.

Was he not an orphan or something?

*DUST* — Mon, 28 Nov 2005 - 14:59

[quote="Constantine"][quote="MuslimSisLilSis"]Dave I'm not an orphan but I also hold soft spot for kids/ophans and oppressed women

Ithink its a natural thing

everyone feels for the weak and helpless[/quote]

oookay

Well scratch adopt lilsis off my list of things to do today.

lol I don't really... get what you're saying.

Was he not an orphan or something?[/quote]
no, he was an orphan but i think wot lilsis is saying is tht even if he wasnt, he'd probably still have behaved in the same manner towards orphans.

...if tht makes any sense?

Dawud — Mon, 28 Nov 2005 - 15:44

[quote="Constantine"]
That makes a lot of sense if you consider that Muhammad was himself an orphan.

I always interpreted that as the reason he had a soft spot for women and children.[/quote]

I thought it was because Allah SWT was trainning the Holy Prophet SAW for the task of salvation, but it could explain his SAW compassion to the orphan.

(The majority of Muslims believe that The ProphetSAW was even A Prophet before HisSAW first revelation, i.e. HeSAW was born in the state of Prophethood.)

MuslimSisLilSis — Mon, 28 Nov 2005 - 17:13

Dave ur so not in my good books today :evil:

a person doesnt HAVE to be an orphan to feel for the orphans

a person doesnt HAVE to be an oppressed woman to feel for the oppressed women

compassion towards woman and children is NATURAL in any decent human

comprehende?

laila — Mon, 28 Nov 2005 - 21:21

[quote="MuslimSisLilSis"]Dave ur so not in my good books today :evil:

a person doesnt HAVE to be an orphan to feel for the orphans

a person doesnt HAVE to be an oppressed woman to feel for the oppressed women

compassion towards woman and children is NATURAL in any decent human

comprehende?[/quote]

i like that lilsis especially last line can we say compassion for all humanity whether they be good or bad should be natural for decent human beings

Seraphim — Mon, 28 Nov 2005 - 21:25

[quote="seema*"][quote="MuslimSisLilSis"]Dave ur so not in my good books today :evil:

a person doesnt HAVE to be an orphan to feel for the orphans

a person doesnt HAVE to be an oppressed woman to feel for the oppressed women

compassion towards woman and children is NATURAL in any decent human

comprehende?[/quote]

i like that lilsis especially last line can we say compassion for all humanity whether they be good or bad should be natural for decent human beings[/quote]

Not really Seema.

Compassion is a luxury reserved for the worthy. I wouldnt spare it on "bad" people. I may "empathise" with them... but not "sympathise"... these "bad" people pray on good peoples "compassion" ...

i will be just but not compassionate to them.

You — Mon, 28 Nov 2005 - 21:53

why do you lot show orphans pity?

You need to help them stand on their own feet, not pity them.

MuslimSisLilSis — Mon, 28 Nov 2005 - 21:54

[quote="Admin"]why do you lot show orphans pity?

You need to help them stand on their own feet, not pity them.[/quote]

we're chatting about compassion

not pity

Sirus — Tue, 29 Nov 2005 - 03:30

adopt an orphan every1, if you know ist possible

even if you have your own kids

dont know what the rest of this thread said, but i now defo know that a woman HAS to do pardah from an adopted child

MuslimSisLilSis — Tue, 29 Nov 2005 - 11:38

[quote="Darth V-Hayder"]

dont know what the rest of this thread said, but i now defo know that a woman HAS to do pardah from an adopted child[/quote]

I thought so

thats HARD :?

the first thing I do when i get home is take my scarf off-its not easy cvering ur hair