The *all new* jokes topic

You —

I am sure we had one (or more) before...

There is only one rule: make them funny.

Ok, first one:

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!”

The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.”

Forum

Suhail (not verified) — Mon, 1 Mar 2010 - 22:03

''A couple of days ago, I had a cold and lost my sense of taste. I drank something to see if it was back and was disappointed to find that it wasn't. Then I realized it was just water..............''

Suhail (not verified) — Tue, 2 Mar 2010 - 11:16

cant stand taste of plain tap water....if its mixed with concentrate juice then fine .... bottled water is much better taste, but i hardly drink plain water.

You — Sun, 30 Jan 2011 - 23:35

A physicist, engineer and a statistician are out hunting. Suddenly, a deer appears 50 yards away.

The physicist does some basic ballistic calculations, assuming a vacuum, lifts his rifle to a specific angle, and shoots. The bullet lands 5 yards short.

The engineer adds a fudge factor for air resistance, lifts his rifle slightly higher, and shoots. The bullet lands 5 yards long.

The statistician yells "We got him!"

Bigboi (not verified) — Mon, 31 Jan 2011 - 00:54

A Warning! There's been a fight in the biscuit tin. A lad called Rocky, hit a Penguin over the head with a Club, tied him 2a Wagon Wheel with a Blue Ribbon and made his Breakaway in a Taxi. Police say Rocky was last seen just After Eight by a Viscount from Maryland, Hobnobbing with a Ginger Nut and an accomplice, only known to the police as Rich T. Unfortunately they dont have a crumb of evidence, so the Jammie Dodger might get away with it.

Bigboi (not verified) — Mon, 31 Jan 2011 - 00:56

An unemployed Pakistani man storms into the job centre, raging with anger... "I have been ringing 0800 1730 for last two days and no one will pick up the phone, why?" The woman looks up and says "Sir, those are our opening hours!". Lol

alz-007 — Mon, 31 Jan 2011 - 01:33

[quote=You]A physicist, engineer and a statistician are out hunting. Suddenly, a deer appears 50 yards away.

The physicist does some basic ballistic calculations, assuming a vacuum, lifts his rifle to a specific angle, and shoots. The bullet lands 5 yards short.

The engineer adds a fudge factor for air resistance, lifts his rifle slightly higher, and shoots. The bullet lands 5 yards long.

The statistician yells "We got him!"[/quote]

Sorry didn't get that one at all 😉

mush91 — Mon, 31 Jan 2011 - 18:36

A man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie. He decides to test it at dinner.
DAD: Son, where Were you today during school hours?
SON: At school *Robot slaps Son* SON: OK,I went to the movies
DAD: Which one?
SON: Toy Story *he slaps son again* SON: OK, it was day with a porn star
DAD: WHAT!? When I was your age I didn't even know what porn was! *he slaps dad*
Mum: HAHA! After all he's your son *he slaps mum*

ok before anyone sues me for copyright i just ran into it 😛

rocky — Fri, 11 Feb 2011 - 18:34

if you see an arsenal fan walking a dog. Get them to call 0800 4-0 4-1 4-2 4-3 4-4 for free advice on how to hold onto a lead.