Not if you had read between the lines mate.

I don't beat about the bush, an opinion was asked from anyone, and so anyone has given her opinion

Urban.rust wrote:

Not if you had read between the lines mate.

I don't beat about the bush, an opinion was asked from anyone, and so anyone has given her opinion

Fair enough.

You wrote:

kenza wrote:

browneyes wrote:

Am asking anyone for help and avice on my problem. I am pregnant by my muslim boyfriend, we have been together for just under a year and his family do not know about our relationship. He's 28 and not married and I am 27. He says that if his famly find about my pregnancy they will kick him out of his family home. He says he wants me to keep the baby then he says to me that nothing or no one is going to come in between him or his family. He says he loves me, I'm so confused. HeI also says that he's scared. I on't want to abort our child and love him dearly.

hi,

i can understand why he doesn't want to tell his family.....I'm not saying he's right,I'm just saying i understand....after all what he did is classed as haram in Islam!
And although he obviously isn't practising his parents may very well be, and that's probably why he's hiding it!!!

But he is trying it through the act of murder.

salaam,
now your post just goes to show how you really didn't read her first post very well...because what she actually said is and i quote.

He says he wants me to keep the baby

so there!!!!!

you may have misunderstood me when i said i understand why his hiding it from his family
after all you need to remember that what he did was haram and a major sin!!!!!

fiamanillah kenza

Yaqub, I don't think she was that judgmental, she said that the girl was at least trying to do what was right.

And Kenza,
People can change their minds you know.
You need to think, do his family consider it a sin, or are they just scared about what "people will say" ?
Oh and by the way, are you Sumaiya in disguise? Just kidding I know you're probably not.

kenza wrote:

salaam,
now your post just goes to show how you really didn't read her first post very well...because what she actually said is and i quote.

He says he wants me to keep the baby

so there!!!!!

Its not a race, and the situation is fluid. A later comment by browneyes says:

browneyes wrote:

He has now told me he wants me to have an abortion because he's not ready for this so I guess I am on my own..

kenza wrote:

you may have misunderstood me when i said i understand why his hiding it from his family
after all you need to remember that what he did was haram and a major sin!!!!!

fiamanillah kenza

I totally understand why he wants it to remain a secret. What I am saying though that his own shame/guilt/emotions are no longer the only thing to consider. What he is asking of her as mentioned in the above quote is murder.

You wrote:

kenza wrote:

salaam,
now your post just goes to show how you really didn't read her first post very well...because what she actually said is and i quote.

He says he wants me to keep the baby

so there!!!!!

Its not a race, and the situation is fluid. A later comment by browneyes says:

browneyes wrote:

He has now told me he wants me to have an abortion because he's not ready for this so I guess I am on my own..

kenza wrote:

you may have misunderstood me when i said i understand why his hiding it from his family
after all you need to remember that what he did was haram and a major sin!!!!!

fiamanillah kenza

I totally understand why he wants it to remain a secret. What I am saying though that his own shame/guilt/emotions are no longer the only thing to consider. What he is asking of her as mentioned in the above quote is murder.

i never said it was a race...and i must have missed that later comment i'm sorry!

i didn't say his feelings were the only ones to consider....far from it in fact!
i hope you understand that my first post was in response to her first post....there was nothing wrong with what i said,i have read my post over and over again and i made no reference to abortion,all i said was i understand why he is hiding it from his family....had i said i understand what he is doing then i would have understood where you are coming from,but i clearly said that he was wrong!!!!

fiamanillah kenza

The Lamp wrote:

Yaqub, I don't think she was that judgmental, she said that the girl was at least trying to do what was right.

And Kenza,
People can change their minds you know.
You need to think, do his family consider it a sin, or are they just scared about what "people will say" ?
Oh and by the way, are you Sumaiya in disguise? Just kidding I know you're probably not.

salaam,

i never said they couldn't change their minds...and i only mentioned that it was a sin because one it is and two because i didn't want to bring culture in to it as i know that it could offend!
if my word are going to keep being taken out of context then there really isn't anything else i can say is there.

fiamanillah kenza

Salaams,

kenza wrote:

i never said it was a race...and i must have missed that later comment i'm sorry!

i didn't say his feelings were the only ones to consider....far from it in fact!
i hope you understand that my first post was in response to her first post....there was nothing wrong with what i said,i have read my post over and over again and i made no reference to abortion,all i said was i understand why he is hiding it from his family....had i said i understand what he is doing then i would have understood where you are coming from,but i clearly said that he was wrong!!!!

fiamanillah kenza

Don't worry about it. Apologies for my miscommunication(s) are flying in your direction right abouts now.

We both seem to agree that it is a hard subject, why he is floundering and that he is wrong (and we may even agree on the level/degree of wrongness, but I cannot be certain here.)

Inshallah all will work out for the best.

It has now happened that he has told his family and that they're angry with him and they have given him an ultimatum " choose the baby or us". He has yet again asked me to have a termination to save him and his family. To be honest I didn't think his family would make him make a decision like that, maybe I was hoping that they would say what's done is done and now you have to make it right. What we did was haram but then to terminate the baby would be another sin..

Its unfortunate, but sometimes think more about how they would look than anything else. The cat is out of the bag and the least they could do is do right by you and the baby.

I think it's pretty clear where I stand in this matter as far as he's concerned. I really do thank all of you for your comments as for the last three weeks I've been all over the place and felt so alone in this and your comments have helped me as it's and will be the hardest decision of my life..

Yes it is, and we cannot really tell you what to do, but I hope it is the right thing.

Whatever you decide to do, do not do it because the father tells you to.

browneyes wrote:

I don't think they'd listen to me, his family have already told him, choose us or the baby.. What a decision to give someone, in my eyes that's just selfish.

Hmmm...

Maybe they're saying this cos they haven't made an emotional connection to their son's love and their grandchild.

Maybe it was a spur of the moment, shock-mixed-with-anger thing to say.

But as we all know: In the heat of the moment hot-words become concrete barriers.

Maybe (God-willing), with time, they'll accept him/you/the baby (or all three!)

If/when they see a shiny, new-born fruit of their loins' fruit of his loins, their hearts will soften.

Has your BF asked God for help? Have you? Even if you're not religous, it can't exactly 'hurt' the situation if you try, can it?

You may be surprised how it all turns out.

browneyes wrote:

I do think that at times that maybe they would come round to the idea after seeing their grandchild but thyn that would be a risk to take as he has also said to me that if I have the baby I could never tell him/her who its father or family are, what gives him the right to say that!?!, does not every child have the right to know who their family are and where they come from?. I don't know if he has asked god for help. I do pray everyday and ask for help and guidance in this situation.

And God listens to every prayer, but it doesn't mean He's not going to test your patience (to the ABSOLUTE limit!) before giving you some respite.

Patience, hope and courage. They may be the amongst the most difficult human emotions to control, but it's only in very difficult circumstances (like the one you've found yourself in now) that they have a chance to florish!

kenza wrote:

The Lamp wrote:

Yaqub, I don't think she was that judgmental, she said that the girl was at least trying to do what was right.

And Kenza,
People can change their minds you know.
You need to think, do his family consider it a sin, or are they just scared about what "people will say" ?
Oh and by the way, are you Sumaiya in disguise? Just kidding I know you're probably not.

salaam,

i never said they couldn't change their minds...and i only mentioned that it was a sin because one it is and two because i didn't want to bring culture in to it as i know that it could offend!
if my word are going to keep being taken out of context then there really isn't anything else i can say is there.

fiamanillah kenza

I never said that you did say that, I just pointed something out. I was talking about whether his fanmily thought that it was a sin, or if they were more concerned about society. Hey, we're not deliberatley taking your words out of contxt to demonise you, mate, so no need to get worried. ;P

The Lamp wrote:

kenza wrote:

The Lamp wrote:

Yaqub, I don't think she was that judgmental, she said that the girl was at least trying to do what was right.

And Kenza,
People can change their minds you know.
You need to think, do his family consider it a sin, or are they just scared about what "people will say" ?
Oh and by the way, are you Sumaiya in disguise? Just kidding I know you're probably not.

salaam,

i never said they couldn't change their minds...and i only mentioned that it was a sin because one it is and two because i didn't want to bring culture in to it as i know that it could offend!
if my word are going to keep being taken out of context then there really isn't anything else i can say is there.

fiamanillah kenza

I never said that you did say that, I just pointed something out. I was talking about whether his fanmily thought that it was a sin, or if they were more concerned about society. Hey, we're not deliberatley taking your words out of contxt to demonise you, mate, so no need to get worried. ;P

but the thing is in this society getting pregnant outside marriage is normal....so why would the be worried about it.
of course they see it as a sin....there Muslim aren't they....if the member who opened this topic knew it was a sin the I'm sure they do!!!!!