Sitting on the dirty-cream sofa, staring into the world of blissful birds and flying clouds, wishing to capture the sun in a mouthful but knowing that this room does not allow any space for the hint of happiness, only the bitter lies of those without a heart.

Each day, we wonder what the day will hold, what lies will be exposed for the tears to roll down yet again. 4 concrete walls that trap the soul, pretending that the yolk of the egg is still yellow.

On 1 side of the room a big golden mirror sits viewing all the moments that pass, every smile, every diamond drop to even all the anger that fumes out of the ears. The cold hands, press against the mirror searching for help, as a spot is left from the warmth of breathing. Help for herself but the truth that lies behind all the walls, we have travelled. The white clock, ticking away as each second passes and another word is uttered to cause destruction that will reveal to kill the human soul and mind, for not every person has the right or freedom of speech to express the inner emotions.

Isolation. The moon orbiting the earth in a silky moment, while every individual puts its heart to rest and slowly closes the featherly eyelid to drift to a place where a song is sang for praises and a smile is given for the appreciation of existance. In pitch blackness, glaring at the whitewashed ceiling, listening to the breath of a demon that yearns to stab the soul, see the pain that aches to soar. Turning to the right, to see comfort...to feel the soft touch of a dream. There in one corner sits a precious gem. A gem so precious that without it my life is incomplete, lifeless and dull. Yet the sprinkles of water roll down. The screaming, the shouting, the abuse that life takes in, tormenting the mind. The chest tightening, the hands and feet freezing into a ice cube, as the body shivers into a coma of sorrow.

"I wish you would go and die, you have no understanding of my pain, the sacrifice i do for you everyday, if it wasnt for you i would have left by now"
Why? Why me? questions bombarding every corner i turn. Fighting every battle, just for you to be proud of me, support me through this difficult moment that the pot of gold sits at the end of the rainbow. But this fails to meet your eye, as all i am to you is a burden that holds you behind. Emotions torn to pieces, a plastic bag tied around the head. Die!!!

I want to wake up, i want to see my life, my family, my friends the people who taught me theres more to life than love, its the commitment in a person, the independency to stand on your own two feet that the reward will be in life after death, Unfortunatley, this is a nightmare i couldnt wake up from, it was holding me firecely to the wall, i could smell the thirst for blood. I feared the outcome.

I felt awkward, as though the floor beneath my feet has disappeared, as though my existance was nothing but imprisonment. I discovered a truth, a truth that shattered a home of the soul but the home of people who dont desereve such scar. A truth, that was known as a lie. A truth that i kept hidden, praying to be false. A truth that today has made me realise, life was no longer going to be the same. I could not look into the eyes of those who i love, i could not utter a word as this could be the end or a start of something more horrific. The lives of many lies in my hands, as I now have to decide which path to take. Do I listen to my heart and go by my emotions or do I ignore all and behave as if I am clueless to the truth.

All these years, I have lived in a fantasy world. My family, mum, dad and my brothers and sisters in a small house, where everyone in the community would say "hi" as they passed, today this was buried in the ground with all my hopes and dreams for a family. Today this was the last thing on my mind, my heart is thumping of terror, the mind split in two not knowing where to turn. Can I do this on my own?

Questions and questions, yet i seem to smile and pretend i am innocent to the truth. Lies after lies, but still i dont scream, i still dont run out of the house wanting escape. I cant, I wont but the world is only full of bitterness. I was now being nailed to the wall, my arms shrinking at my side and my feet just hanging on body. My body was just meat and bone now, as all the emotions swam away. I stared right passed, gasping for breathe. Tossing my head from side to side. This had to be a lie, they couldnt do this to me. not now, not after everything we went through, yet again, the hurt,the guilt.

Sorrow, devastation, hurt.

I was drowning, i felt as though i was trapped in a block of firing ice..

I know God will save me, but when will the time came for me...? ? ?