Right I am downright bored, so I thought I might as well blog about something.
So I sat with my laptop, next to my radiator all cosy and warm and I looked around the room and I couldn’t decide what to write about other than what I did today.
I didn’t want to bore you with what I did today, (unless you want to know about The Triple Alliance and the Manchurian Crisis- yes that’s right, today I revised History- Oh Joy I know!-) :roll:
But then my mamma called me downstairs and told me to make Jelly and Custard. 
So then after making it, putting it in the fridge and tidying up, I was told to make her a cup of tea. So I did that. Oh by the way, how rude of me, I forgot to ask, ‘would u like some jelly and custard?’ It’s my speciality it’s got vanilla flavoured cream thingy on top made by yours truly and some Madeira cake, all mixed up with the custard, oh and I also decorated it with some colourful millions. 
Right so what was I going to write before. Oh yeah, I realised that I haven’t watched TV in ages. Yes, I actually haven’t watched TV in AGES. Wow I know, I used to watch all the time, but then I wasn’t shifted to the side back then.
It’s only mum, dad and me in our little family. But before I was born, they decided to live with my extended family. So I live with my auntie’s and uncles. My 7 cousins and Our Cat. So you can imagine, the noise, the shouting, the arguments, everything that I hate.
Yeah so I have no Idea how this happened but, suddenly, I’m invisible. I realised that a couple of months back. When I was watching something on TV and my cousin walked straight in and laptop in hand sat down, changed the channel and when I sneezed he screamed. Yeah HE SCREAMED, it was pretty funny, but then he said, ‘Oh I didn’t See You There, Honest’. Another Example, I was in the Conservatory, reading my book and sipping some orange juice on a hot day, (it’s a bit difficult to imagine a hot day, what with all the snow, but yeah...) and he came in and was on the phone to his friend and he started talking about things, which guys talk about, it was disgusting, things that you don’t talk about in front of a girl :? . And I said to him, ‘Do You Mind?’ and guess what he said he hadn’t seen me. See I don’t think I’m a ghost, just yet, because they can see me when they want tea or a sandwich or some money to borrow, but they don’t see me when I want to talk to them or when I want to have a laugh with them.
The other day, everyone was at home, except the adults and I was upstairs, I thought I’d go downstairs and have a little fun and just be carefree for once and I was surprised to hear laughter coming from the sitting room and so I went in and all my cousins were sat around playing snakes and ladders and laughing and joking with each other and I walked in and they began shouting at me to get out. They told me if I wanted to stay then I’ll have to make them some grilled cheese sandwiches and bring them some crisps and drinks with it. So I did that.
You know i feel so used, i feel like a piece of toilet paper, once used, throw it away. But the thing is, i don’t know why they are like that, I haven’t been bad to them at all. In fact, i am the shoulder they use to cry on, i am the one who gives them advice and I am the one who gives them money when they need it. I am the one who whenever they are in trouble for doing something bad, to stand up for them. But they don’t see me that way, they have no idea how I feel. They have no idea how it’s like at school, they have no idea about anything. They all think that I’m a weirdo and a geek for studying all the time, but they don’t know that the truth is that I always stick my head in my books, because I just want to turn away from the hurt I’m really feeling. They just don’t care about me at all, I mean they all forgot my birthday, when it was my birthday, brothers and sisters don’t do that at all, yes maybe they forget, but they still give presents or at least wish you a happy birthday. For a long time, I wished that I could have a brother or a sister, who would be there for me when I needed them. Who would have my back always. Who would tell me the right thing to do. But then I realised that just because Allah SAW didn’t give me brothers and sisters. He gave me my cousins and I should be thankful for that and I should cherish them.
Now look what I’ve done, I’ve written yet again another long essay. I was talking about TV, so how did I just come up with all of the above I don’t know. Throughout the day my cousins watch CBBC or Horrible Histories or things like that. Then in the evening the adults watch their soaps or dramas or quiz shows and there is no room for me. So tell me are there any good programs that I can watch on YouTube, cause I’m sick of all this studying, I mean it’s the holiday, and I want a rest!
I have no idea how this post got sooo long, I was supposed to ask for good shows that I can watch, but instead I had a little moan. I’m sorry, I don’t usually talk about my feelings and write them down for others to see, but today I don’t know what’s got into me. So if you’ve stuck with me throughout all of this. I want to say THANKYOU!!!!! 
P.S. If you have siblings, cherish them and love them even if they are the most annoying, spoilt brats in the world, cause in the end you know they’ll be there for you because they are your brothers and sisters. And when your down and lonely they’ll be there to cheer you up!!
Custard and Jelly!
Published by allthatsparkles95 on 23 December, 2010 - 17:02
Comments
Must be fun too, right? You must be close with your cousins?
LOL OMG, When you said "i'm invisible" I thought you were just like exaggerating but aww thats bad (but funny too :oops: lol)
Ok my previous Q has been answered :/ (I'm quoting as I read)
That's horrible, I'm guessing you've always lived with them so I expected you'd be like real siblings and everything
Do their parents know how they behave with you? What do they think of all this?
Hmm don't know what kind of programs you'd be into. If you want something funny/gay and "cute" (cute as in a romance kind of way), There's this korean drama I watched and liked (its got subs) It's called You're beautiful. Erm you could watch 'House MD'
It's fine, let you feelings out all you want on here. Its good to let them out once in a while, and this can be the perfect way if you don't want to talk about it to anyone in the "real world"
"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi
dont you mean fish fingers and custard?
I don't even like fish fingers and custard, why would i ask for it?! (or was that about something else? lol)
"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi
um im rlly bad at giving advice and stuff, so i wont lest u think what the heeelll is this chick goin on about????!
so what i will do is tell u what programs to watch.....
i dont rlly watch stuff on youtube, though...i think they have actually put programmes from fiver on there like neighbours...anyhoo, i would agree with PoS that House is good, you can watch on 4OD progs like desperate houswives, ugly betty (which is finished or ending depending what ep ur on)
bbc i player has progs as well...sorry i dont know how detailed to be cos i dont knw wht kinda progs u like and have seen..
there are videos on here that are good
-diary of a bad man (its only got one but u can go youtube for 2 and 3, theyre great!)
-the john pilger documentary from You (i watched that last night that was real good too
so yh, there are some good bits, though some of it u might find utter rubbish!!!
so take ur pic and let me knw what ya think!!!
enjoy
"Verily, in the remembrance of Allah, do hearts find rest"
Bilan, you watch neighbours too?
I watched the last episodes of Ugly Betty last night.
"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi
yh man, i is a down under fan!
DONT like home and away though (except maybe for their intro song lol
)
i think home and away is the equivalent of our Hollyoaks, blurgh!
i cant believe theyre finishing of betty, i mean come on, the characters are great!!!
"youve brought us every other colour but red"
"dont stop betty"
"i think the only red in this room beth is ur face"
(flashback)
"but Beth cant help her red face, she has roseacea!"
LOL, sorry i just HAD to put that there! but i havent seen the last episode (busy last night) so i have to wait till SUNDAY!!
"Verily, in the remembrance of Allah, do hearts find rest"
It's a double bill - so last episodeS
And I won't hint out the ending for you...unlike what Ocean sort of did to me! lol
Apparently you can watch it on 4oD
"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi
ah deep, i do have my sister doing that for me as well....
i just checked its not there ....they put it up after the repeat on sunday
"Verily, in the remembrance of Allah, do hearts find rest"
I haven’t got the hang of quoting yet, so I’m gonna just write again......
@The Power Of Silence: Thank you for reading it. Yes the Custard and Jelly was ‘yum’. But that’s beside the point. You know it’s really nice of you to say, ‘to let my feelings out’. The funny thing is that as soon as I had posted it up, I wanted to delete it, but there wasn’t a way to delete. So for an hour, I was in major panic mode. But then as I simmered down a little, I faced the facts. This was me. I am so far gone with communicating with people that just posting this Blog, began to worry me How sad right :roll: . I just can’t learn to trust people again , I’m just scared that they’ll end up hurting me and then I would have to go through the whole cycle of picking up the pieces and glueing them back together and I don’t think I can go through that whole process again on my own.
You say why not talk to them. What their parents say. Well my family is a very complicated family and to sum it up into words is kind of difficult. Firstly one of my uncle’s have passed away and one of my auntie’s passed away. So my cousins either don’t have a mum or dad and I have both, maybe they hate me because of that????
Secondly, 3 of my cousins are my first cousins. 4 are not, they are my uncle’s wife’s brothers children. Adoption and everything else......... it’s a long story........................
Thirdly, since my uncle has passed away, my auntie hates me and my mum basically. I never knew my auntie, but my uncle doesn’t like me, I mean he tries to like me in front of my parents, but ignores me when they are no there.
Okay I’m trying to be as discrete as possible, because I don’t really feel comfortable sharing all of this. Fourthly I have tried to talk to them, but It seems like we’re on different radio stations, like i’m on galaxy and they’re on key103. Gettting the gist. Fifthly thanks for your recommendations, I’ll check them out .
@Bilan: It’s fine, but thanks for reading yet again another of my essays. Thanks for your recommendations, i’ll check them out.
no worries dude, all essays welcome as long as i dont have to write them ya get me???
but i wouldnt worry about what you write on here, there is something kinda therapeutic about writing about ur problems to 'strangers' (though we are rlly a big lovin family on here, yes i said it, dont try and deny it :badgrin: ) so feel free to say whats on ur mind and i rlly hope things work out for u dude, u seem a great gal
PS: did u make the madeira cake urself or was it bought????
ive never tried custard and jelly together, along with other things. like krispy kremes, i hear theyre a big thing???
"Verily, in the remembrance of Allah, do hearts find rest"
Awwh bless
No one likes to go unnoticed,
I'm sure when they realise how much you have to say worth saying, they'll treat you as an equal, but people have a habit of underestimating other people.
In a way thats better, cos i think i'd rather be underestimated and exceed expectations than be an overestimated disappointment.
You just have to make yourself more known to them (:
Ummm about Youtube videos, I don't tend to frequent youtube but when I do I usually watch my guilty pleasure, The Steve Wilkos Show :oops:
#Before you look at the thorns of the rose , look at it's beauty. Before you complain about the heat of the sun , enjoy it's light. Before you complain about the blackness of the night, think of it's peace and quiet... #
No my cooking skills only go so far
although I can make smaller buns and muffins though!
You've never tried custard and jelly you say, well I advise you do, cause it gorgeous, with the cream on top. It's very fattening, but a treat once in a while is nice
I've never tried Krispy Kremes and yeah I have heard they are brill too, I guess that's first on my list of trying new things
Make the Jelly Strawberry flavoured and bury some chocolate cake slices in it. Then add only a thin layer of custard.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
that actually sounds rlly nice....(drool) or maybe its the hunger talking
"Verily, in the remembrance of Allah, do hearts find rest"
oh
Salaam Sparkle! Im Lilly and im defo your friend as long as your nice and you dont like backbiting! and you like Islam, and you dont like toshow off and stuff like that. But i figured (im useless at figuring) that you're pretty cool.
so anyway...im not going to repeat what others have said, but maybe talk to your parents? tell them how its going? ok wait....cousin issues and involving parents usually turn sour..terribly sour..so maybe thats a bad idea... or maybe it isnt in your family so go right ahead!
also, if you want to delete. feel free, under the title of your blog, there's edir. if you press that and scroll down there's a delete button. i know what it feels like, so if you're still stressing about it then go ahead. but it might not be a good idea. because sometimes we need to open up. Inshallah starting off with cyberfriends will help you regain confidence. But dont get too attached to us, you need to try out what you're learning here with the real life people to make them into real life friends.
im glad you found revival a safe and comfortable place to open up, thats how i find it too. and i hope you're not getting too disappointed in our advices and our responses. (not that they are bad or anything).
i dont know how to end this... i might edit it as i go along, but im not suppose to be on reivval! im suppose to be doing something else!! ARGHHH!!!!
Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?