User login
Author Information
Poll
Why have you visited this website?
To check for updates
11%
Read posts
39%
Contribute to discussions
6%
Share content
3%
Social media brought me here
6%
Tis fate
35%
Total votes: 632
Active forum topics
Recent blog posts
Quick Links
Who's online
There are currently 0 users online.
ARGH DYING OF LAUGHTERRRRRRRRRRRR
Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
Male assertiveness
A mild-mannered man was tired of being bossed around by his wife so he went to a psychiatrist.
The psychiatrist said he needed to build his self-esteem, and so gave him a book on assertiveness, which he read on the way home.
He had finished the book by the time he reached his house.
The man stormed into the house and walked up to his wife.
Pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law! I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you're going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"
"The funeral director," said his wife.
Farting All The Time
Doctor, "What seems to be the problem?"
Patient, "Doc, I've got the farts. I mean I fart all the time,"
The Doctor nods, "Hmm."
Patient, "My farts do not stink and you can't hear them. It's just that I fart all the time. Look, we've been talking here for about 10 minutes and I've farted five times. You didn't hear them and you don't smell them, do you?"
"Hmm," says the Doctor,
He picks up his pad and writes out a prescription.
The patient is thrilled "Great doc. This prescription, will it really clear up my farts?"
"No," sighs the Doctor, "The prescription is to clear your sinuses. Next week I want you back here for a hearing test."
A Blonde For Ever
There was a blonde who was tired of all the blonde jokes going around and decided to dye her hair brown. She then went for a drive in the country and came upon a shepherd herding his sheep across the road.
"Hey, shepherd! If I guess how many sheep there are here, can I keep one?" The shepherd is puzzled but agrees. Out of the blue, she blurts out "352!" He is stunned but keeps his word and allows her to pick out a sheep. She picks out the cutest one.
He looks at her and says "If I guess what color your hair really is, can I have my dog back?"
Yeah me too, good to see you've become an activist or whatever, I say free lillyyyyyyy,puts
ok now I got one. theyre not jokes jokes perse but still funny.
Milhouse: "Lisa, my saftey seat matches ur eyes" (laughs sleazily)
and Lisa: "Theres a AAA battery in my meal!"
Dinnerlady: "Its one of ur five a day" lol! I like the Simpsons
"Verily, in the remembrance of Allah, do hearts find rest"
A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimetres from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much."
The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."
(Hearse- vehicle that takes a coffin at a funeral)
John gets a call from his very blonde girlfriend Buffy.
"I've got a problem," says Buffy.
"What's the matter?" asks John.
"Well, I bought this jigsaw puzzle, but it's too hard. None of the pieces fit together and I can't find any edges."
"What's the picture of?" asks John.
"It's of a big rooster," replies Buffy.
"All right," says John. "I'll come over and have a look."
So he goes over to Buffy's house and she greets him by saying, "Thanks for coming over." Buffy leads John into her kitchen and shows him the jigsaw puzzle on the kitchen table.
John looks at the puzzle and then turns to her and says, "For heaven's sake, Buffy, put the corn flakes back in the box."
A man walked into a store and saw a blonde staring at a
orange juice carton.
When he went to pay for his goods he was
laughing hysterically. The store clerk asked, "What is so
funny?" The man simply replied, "I just realised that blonde
over there is staring at the orange juice carton because it
says Concentrate!"
:roll:
A blonde girl was driving along when she noticed another blonde woman who was trying to row her boat on the road. Angrily she stopped the car and got out shouting at the other blonde woman. "it's cause of blonde girls like you we're laughed at so much, if it weren't for the fact that i can't swim i would kick your ass"
Lets reunite the ummah under one flag LA ILAHA IL ALLAH MUHAMMADUR RASULULLAH
I'm lolling at all the blonde bashing!
“Before death takes away what you are given, give away whatever there is to give.”
Mawlana Jalal ud Din Rumi
What's a muslim cleric's fave drink?
Milk-sheikh
Death is the end of time. Not the end of Life.
Smile
euh..can someone unlighten me on what this comment is referring to?
Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
No
Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them. The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them. The first guys drops his backpack, digs out a pair of sneakers, and frantically begins to put them on. The second guys says, "What are you doing? Sneakers won’t help you outrun that bear." "I don't need to outrun the bear," the first guy says. "I just need to outrun you."
A little girl is sitting on her grandpa's lap and studying the
wrinkles on his old face.
She gets up the nerve to rub her fingers over the wrinkles. Then
she touches her own face and looks more puzzled. Finally the
little girl asks, "Grandpa, did God make you?"
"He sure did honey, a long time ago," replies her grandpa.
"Well, did God make me?" asks the little girl.
"Yes, He did, and that wasn't too long ago," answers her grandpa.
"Boy," says the little girl, "He's sure doing a lot better job
these days, isn't He?"
A young and beautiful woman gets into the elevator, smelling like
expensive perfume. She turns to an old woman in the corner and
says arrogantly, "Giorgio Beverly Hills, $100 an ounce!"
Another young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator and also
smells of very expensive perfume. She arrogantly turns to the old
woman and says, "Chanel No. 5, $150 an ounce!"
About three floors later, the old woman has reached her
destination and is about to get off the elevator. Before she
leaves, looks both beautiful women in the eye, turns squeezes out
a fart......"Broccoli - 49 cents a pound!"
"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi
Lets reunite the ummah under one flag LA ILAHA IL ALLAH MUHAMMADUR RASULULLAH
from the talk - The Seal of all prophets by Muhammed Abdul Jabbar
"This girl walks in wearing a see through top on, and she walks the walk, and she wanted attention WHY???
BECAUSE SHE UNDERSTOOD SHE WAS SO UGLY THAT IF SHE WAS TO LOOK IN THE MIRROR HER REFLECTION WILL DUCK!
Rocky
Pages