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What i meant was you should know somethin i.e the basics in order to pass it on..i agree learnin is a never-ending process.
You can never know everything.
What would be your jusitifcation and reasoning for having four wives? The right to have more than one wife is conditional in Islam; that right is abused and misused far too often these days, IMHO
~Judgements prevent us from seeing the good that lies beyond appearances.~
"God put me on this earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind that I will never die" ~ Bill Watterson
uh oh! I didnt write that to start a debate on plygamy, im gonna delete it cos I dont have the energy to debate, I just want a light hearted convo today and damn anything thats gonna change that!!
Ya ALLAH Madad.
Haq Chaar Yaar
Where's the Washing Machine?
by Talal Sarwani
There's a very interesting worldwide phenomena taking place among the Muslim youth of today. Everyone's favorite bit of Sunnah has become the advice of the Prophet (SA'AS) to get married aysap. Alhamdulillah, the wisdom of that advice is nothing short of Divine, but the abuse of that advice is causing much trouble in the Ummah today. That trouble has manifested itself into the most hated of what is Halaal: Talaq (Divorce). Kids are getting married right and left, lost in some romanticized version of what married life seems to be about, and the second they find themselves stuck in a mud of responsiblity, it's time to flip out the cell phone and SMS your significant other:
I divorce you
I divorce you
I divorce you
Indeed, it is a time of cowards.
So I set out to investigate what was causing this desperate desire for the Great Hookup. What did I find? Were the beards really growin' and the brows left un-threaded? Were the kufis being worn and the hijabs being tightened? Was the thawb and the 'abaya truly being donned? Was the scent of 'oud aromafying the surroundings? Read on, brothers and sisters, read on for the truth....
The number one danger towards the one who is single, is to be around those who have newly become doubles. It's been referred to in the past as The Fever. The Fever is not just the feeling that one needs to get hitched, it's the malady that causes such feelings simply from having attended the hitching ceremonies of all-too-many people in an all-too-short amount of time. For proof of the existence of this syndrome, please go up to any brother (Though I claim to know their perspective as well, out of respect, I shall take the fifth as far as sisters are concerned) during the summer, especially during this Summer of a Thousand Weddings. You'll hear the usual talk of empty hearts needing companionship, of guys swooning over she who looked back and if you're around one after someone else's wedding, a feeling of slight dejection rather than complete happiness for his just betrothed brother and sister. The Fever is a powerful thing, taking over the life of he or she who is stung by it, causing him or her to find themselves raising their hands to Allah every night, asking for either the filling of their empty hearts or at the very least a respite from their feelings. So, brothas and sistas, if you find yourself in this most unwanted predicament, the prescription is as follows:
Step 1: Lower your gaze
Step 2: Pray for the feeling to go away
Step 3: Lower your gaze
Step 4: Don't talk to others about your predicament (you'll realize they're in the same hole, and then the both of you will wallow in each other's misery)
Step 5: Lower your gaze
Rinse. Spit. Repeat.
InshaAllah The Fever should soon subside and all will be back to normal. HOWEVER, say the ol' heart sparks at the just barely-sighted-glance of a certain someone, then be sure to follow the following steps. Now, keep in mind this is the ONLY acceptable follow-up to that "cue the chorus" moment. Consider this your final warning not to join certain committees of certain organizations, "accidentally" finding certain someones sitting there.
BONUS:
Step 6: ISTIKHARA TIME!!!!!!!!
Possible Step 7 for Brothers: Be a Man. Call her parents.
Possible Step 7 for Sisters: Just sit there all coy and shy (I keed, I keed).
This prescription is signed and endorsed by Shaykh (of the Polaroid Picture kind) Ishq ibn Al-Hubbatani, so you better believe it works.
There is however a lot more that contributes to the I Think I Love You, Marry Me syndrome plaguing the Ummah today. The majority of these causes rests in the realm of what a brother once said: "Blame it on the Deen".
The Romantic Islam
As a preface to what follows, let me say that this topic includes far more than I can write about in this space, so I'm not gonna cover anything... I mean everything. There's literally an incredible amount of things that fall into The Romantic Islam, but I'll just touch upon these two of varying extremes, to give you just a taste of what I mean.
I'm using the word romantic not in the sense of an ideal, but in the plain old Qais/Majnu/Romeo and their Lailas/Juliet sense. These are those bits (according to the very doubtable research done for this) of Islam that when people gain knowledge of them, at a certain time of their lives, in that certain state of mind, all havoc lets loose, the hearts open up in need, and the shaitaan is called in for playtime.
You... complete... me...
When Tom Cruise uttered those words to his love in Jerry McGuire, the heart of every woman in movie theaters around the world let out a collective sigh. If only they knew what Muslimahs had already known for centuries, or at least what they did, once, know. I'm referring to the oft-repeated hadith of the Lone Hearted:
Narrated by Anas, who reported that the Prophet(SA'AS) said:
When a man marries, he has fulfilled half of his religion...
We are the creations of a Creator who knows our innards better than we know our names, so when we experience this wisdom that has been passed down to us, our hearts yell: SUBHANALLAH!!! I NEED to get married. Let's just face it, this hadith makes everyone feel good about things, and is among the greatest proliferators of Wandering Heart technology. Do note the "...", because you rarely ever hear the rest of the hadith:
so let him fear Allah regarding the remaining half.
'Nuff said, yo. Fo schizzle.
Sweet Nothings
Ahem, the following is a very interesting tidbit. It's something I gleaned from a brother in whom the desire to be wed was gnawing at him from the inside. We were in a room with just pillows on the floor to chill on. It of course happened to be a time of someone else's wedding, which is why I just sat relaxing after a long night of partying with the *cough*aunties*cough*. So, this brother comes up to me, with a copy of Sahih Bukhari of all things, and he prompts me to read:
Volume 2, Book 21, Number 258:
Narrated 'Aisha :
After offering the Sunna of the Fajr prayer, the Prophet used to talk to me, if I happened to be awake; otherwise he would lie down till the Iqama call was proclaimed (for the Fajr prayer).
"Alright", I thought, "so?". He plopped himself down onto the floor, and with a bleary-eyed look, said: "Wouldn't it be amazing to have someone to talk to when you walk up a little early for Fajr?". Let's just say he didn't take too kindly at me falling over from laughter nor my suggestion that he could always give me a call anytime he feels lonely at that hour. If you're in this state. brothers and sisters, please follow the prescription given to you above, and inshaAllah spare the rest of us from stomach-hurting hilarity.
The End of This
<-- sarcasm alert for the troublemakers among you
Alas, all great things come to an end, as must this column. I just barely touched upon what I really wanted to talk about, but my mind is not in a state of organization, so I leave you with this little conclusion. Realize that marriage isn't a joke or little fling you go through. It's a responsibility, where the third party in the trust between a husband and wife is Allah. All this talk of love and all that jazz is a distraction, so pay little attention to it. There is ONE person for whom you are meant, inshaAllah, so take care of your personal half of your deen, and Allah will provide you with the best of companionship. Take the halaal way, and you'll feel it yourself. The second the Nikah is done, the man and woman are infused with a feeling of rahmah towards each other granted to them by Allah. It's akin to that sudden mercy felt by one who has just become a parent. It's not something you can understand beforehand. There's lots of things in Islam that stir the hearts, but they are there to convince you of the correctness of the Straight Path. Don't let the shaitaan lead you astray when he discovers the state of your heart and mind. Seek refuge and establish trust in Allah, for that is the only way to keep yourself on the Sirat-Al-Mustaqeem. Someone once questioned the hurried rush to marriage seen in the Ummah, and couldn't understand how they took that step when they didn't even have a way of supporting a family. "When you're capable of getting her the washing machine, then you're ready to begin a life together".
So, I humbly bow out, going back to saving a little every two weeks, so that I can inshaAllah buy whatever washing machine her heart desires
If I offended anyone, forgive me, inshaAllah. Oh, and to those souls who recently have been, or soon will be paired back to those they were with in Fitra, our Du'as are with you. May Allah grant you all the best in the Dunya and the Hereafter.. Ameen, Ameen, Ya Rabbil 'Alameen.
Peace out,
wa alaikum as salaam,
I'm the cool MC with a vicious sound.
I ain't from the Bronx, but I still boogie down.
http://www.hidayaonline.com/archives/000033.html
I concur
lol good article lilsis. this bit sums it up:
y bother getting all worried over who/when/where/how one is going to marry, when we KNOW that Allah has destined someone for us and it'll happen when the time is right. so in the meanwhile, a much better thing to fuss over would be our character, and how to improve it.
[size=9]I NEVER WORE IT BECAUSE OF THE TALIBAN, MOTHER. I LIKE THE [b]MODESTY[/b] AND [b]PROTECTION[/b] IT AFFORDS ME FROM THE EYES OF MEN.[/size] [url=http://www.adherents.com/lit/comics/Dust.html]Dust, X-Men[/url]
Several months ago I would have said getting married young is a bad idea.
Now I would say getting married young is a suicidal idea!
Seriously though this question has been nagging at me in the back of my mind for a while...
Incidentally I noticed "One" person is highlighted - that's not actually Islamic doctrine though is it? It can't be in light of Polygamy
lol. it also cant be if u consider the divorce rates nowadays, and the likelihood of re-marrying... the key is optimism!
[size=9]I NEVER WORE IT BECAUSE OF THE TALIBAN, MOTHER. I LIKE THE [b]MODESTY[/b] AND [b]PROTECTION[/b] IT AFFORDS ME FROM THE EYES OF MEN.[/size] [url=http://www.adherents.com/lit/comics/Dust.html]Dust, X-Men[/url]
NO.
You know we aren't allowed to get divorced right? It's one of the biggest problems with Protestant churches who claim to use the bible as the sole source of doctrine.
Mark 10:
9 Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."
10 When they were in the house again, the disciples asked Jesus about this.
11 He answered, "Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her.
12 And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery."
[size=9]I NEVER WORE IT BECAUSE OF THE TALIBAN, MOTHER. I LIKE THE [b]MODESTY[/b] AND [b]PROTECTION[/b] IT AFFORDS ME FROM THE EYES OF MEN.[/size] [url=http://www.adherents.com/lit/comics/Dust.html]Dust, X-Men[/url]
Well... I guess the answer to that is in my answer to the second - this isn't a second chance kind of decision... and i've never really considered the possibility of being with somebody other than her - kinda like i've been watching the same movie for several years and I declare it the best movie in the world.
But that's all normal right? Just anxiety...
Oh... right, I guess it was just on my mind. My parents want me to sign a prenup :roll:
I follow it - it's right, undeniable can't really debate it - though some people are actually dumb enough to try. The Catholic church and the Orthodox Churches do not allow divorce, nor do many conservative Protestants. Doesn't prevent people from doing it naturally
Funny and good article, bit one sided though. There many benefit in marrying young, no point of going into all of them, but the main one being the fact the couple who marry, grow and develop together. For this to happen, people need the right intention and don't need to be the romeo and juliet type and just because you have a beard or hijab on, it doesn't mean u cannot fall into this caterogry.
"A true Muslim is thankful to Allah in prosperity, and resigned to His will in adversity."
[url=http//www.guidancemedia.com/videostream.php?id=Burda.mov]Quran[/url]
wise words.
btw thanks for that article on parenting a while back Yuit - I still read that from time to time.
It's really the best marriage/parenting advice i've been given, certainly better than anything my own father has taught me.
i liked the whole article
but it shudda also stressed that most young boys aint financially in a position to support a wife and family
Will we ever have enough money though? That seems to be the top objection for not getting married sooner. So many brothers and sisters sitting around working for a bigger and better salary. Don;t you think we have become greedy. We've joined the rat race. We have sufficient money to live on, and even support ourselves with, but we still crave for more.
So many women these days are delaying pregnancy till their 30's, for this very purpose, only to find out they have fertility problems.
I don't think we truly realise the value of time and health, we take these things for granted.
If you find someone suitable for marriage seize the moment regardless of age.
I'm in my mid twenties and wish i had gotten married earlier. Marriage is one of the best things that happened to me. Now I'm thinking realistically how many kids will I be able to have before the menopause hits in? Sure i'll be happy with even one child, but ideally I'd like a medium sized family, and no amount of money and qualifications can produce kids. Make time for them before you lose out.
Salaam
Personally, I think people are rushing into marriage.
Usually, one is graduated by at least 21/22…it’s not that difficult to find employment at that age. I don’t think it’s a biggy to wait until then…
But marriage, earlier than that, in my opinion (esp for guys) is too early.
Last summer, at least 4-5 of my closest friends got married…and all except one are now divorced.
Maturity is vital to make a marriage work.
I agree with the article, which highlights that in many cases people only begin to contemplate marriage due to external factors…be it family, friends getting married, media etc.
Wasalaam
ppl mature at different times, and much has to do with how they are bought up. If they're spoiled and wrapped up in cotton wool even after they're 16 years old, then expect them to remain immature and incapable of fending for themselves.
I've got 4 mates who got married when they were 18 and they're still happily married. So it's not so much age, but how mature you are at the time. I don't think you can put an age on when you'll get married, coz you don't know when mr or mrs right will come along.
To be fair, not all boys are immature but majority are. Its also up to the individual as to how keen they are in making the marriage work. It would be good if the boy was educated and had a stable job but if he doesn't it means more responsibilities and if he can work round it and is willing to, nothing is impossible.
However in that kind of situation where a wife becomes pregnant and they are struggling to meet ends hence wife has to work is really unfair.
lol actually lilsis thats exactly wot his title was about:
[size=9]I NEVER WORE IT BECAUSE OF THE TALIBAN, MOTHER. I LIKE THE [b]MODESTY[/b] AND [b]PROTECTION[/b] IT AFFORDS ME FROM THE EYES OF MEN.[/size] [url=http://www.adherents.com/lit/comics/Dust.html]Dust, X-Men[/url]
no one shud put an age on marriage-but its important to be realistic too
how many 18 year olds would be mentally and financially in a position to wed? :roll:
[size=9]I NEVER WORE IT BECAUSE OF THE TALIBAN, MOTHER. I LIKE THE [b]MODESTY[/b] AND [b]PROTECTION[/b] IT AFFORDS ME FROM THE EYES OF MEN.[/size] [url=http://www.adherents.com/lit/comics/Dust.html]Dust, X-Men[/url]
two average 18 year old-born and bred in this country-
a recipe for disaster IMO
but I'm chatting generally-i suppose there can be exceptions
i bet someone will porb know two 18 years olds in a blissfully happy marraige :roll:
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