Jokes/Poetry or anythin alike!

Angel —

This thread is for jokes, poems or any inspirational stories (hint hint muslim kuri!)... so here goes......

Generous lawyer

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."

The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"

Forum

Medarris — Mon, 19 Dec 2005 - 23:56

[quote="Angel"][quote="musk"][quote="Aasiyah"][quote="musk"][color=red]chand ko tod dunga
suraj ko mod dunga

tu ek baar jo haan kar de
main pehli wali chod dunga[/color]

I'll break the moon,
And turn the sun away.
You say YES just once,
And I'll leave the first one.[/quote]
Med, apparently that^ is from a bollywood movie about guys who have extra-marital affairs - theyr talking bout leaving their wives and marrying their girlfriends in that song. :?[/quote]

looooooooooool.

Thanks for the info.

But I aint gonna be leaving my wife for a gf.[/quote]

but still listenin to such material is wrong![/quote]

yes it is.

star — Tue, 20 Dec 2005 - 00:31

U R the air i need to breathe...

D river of life inside me...

U R the half that made me whole...

U R the anchor of my soul...

AND U R strong when im weak...

U R the words when i cant speak...,

U never fail to see me through

dats de LUV i found in U.....

such beautiful words innit....(not mine someone elses)

Medarris — Tue, 20 Dec 2005 - 00:33

[quote="white"]U R the air i need to breathe...

D river of life inside me...

U R the half that made me whole...

U R the anchor of my soul...

AND U R strong when im weak...

U R the words when i cant speak...,

U never fail to see me through

dats de LUV i found in U.....

such beautiful words innit....(not mine someone elses)[/quote]

did u ask the person b4 posting his words up?

if u didnt that makes u a THIEF!

star — Tue, 20 Dec 2005 - 00:38

med U R a thief...

[quote="Don Karnage"]I think I heard that in a song.

[size=7]kind of a sappy song[/size][/quote]

U DID???????????

Angel — Tue, 20 Dec 2005 - 00:39

Med and Naj cant we just have a thread for you guys and anytime you wana apologise or seek permission to post each others poems on the forum you can do so.

Your random comments are everywhere!

I think you both deserve a thread of your own!

Dave — Tue, 20 Dec 2005 - 00:40

[quote="white"]med U R a thief...

[quote="Don Karnage"]I think I heard that in a song.

[size=7]kind of a sappy song[/size][/quote]

U DID???????????[/quote]

lol no.

I didn't hear that in a song.

That was actually a trap.

[size=9](sorry)[/size]

Medarris — Tue, 20 Dec 2005 - 00:43

[quote="Don Karnage"]

That was actually a trap.

[size=9](sorry)[/size][/quote]

im gonna remember this dave. Be afraid, be VERY afraid.

Dave — Tue, 20 Dec 2005 - 00:44

[quote="white"]oh.....well....dave....

trap...what on earth for???????????

i aint no mouse[/quote]

lol to see where it came from.

Seraphim — Sat, 24 Dec 2005 - 22:07

[b][color=red]****************WARNING BELOW IS A JOKE SENT TO ME...SOME MAY FIND IT OFFENSIVE.... BUT ITS ONLY A JOKE.... NOTHING MORE***********************[/color][/b]

A "modern" Islamic couple, preparing for a religious wedding meets
with their Mullah for counseling.

The Mullah asks if they have any last questions before they leave.

The man asks, "We realize it's a tradition in Islam for men to dance
with men, and women to dance with women. But, at our wedding
reception, we'd like your permission to dance together."

"Absolutely not," says the Mullah. "It's immoral.
Men and women always dance separately."

"So after the ceremony I can't even dance with my own wife?"

"No," answered the Mullah, "It's forbidden in Islam."

"Well, okay," says the man, "What about sex? Can we finally have sex?"

"Of course!" replies the Mullah, "Allah'u'Akbar! Sex is OK within
marriage, to have children!"

"What about different positions?" asks the man.

"Allah'u'Akbar! No problem," says the Mullah.

"Can we do it standing up?"

"No." says the Mullah."

"Why not?" asks the man.

"Because that could lead to dancing!"

Saadia Khan — Sun, 25 Dec 2005 - 00:23

salaam
ok so it was a joke

but the question is was it really relevant????!!!!!
and no i dont mean joke in a joke thread
but the ISLAMIC forum

star — Sun, 25 Dec 2005 - 00:34

i dont think it was relevant...maybe he thought it was islamic with the words 'allahuakbar' and 'mullah' innit

nasty..

very bad seraph.. (nod- nod)

Omrow — Sun, 25 Dec 2005 - 00:45

Salam

[quote="Saadia Khan"] the question is was it really relevant????!!!!!
and no i dont mean joke in a joke thread
but the ISLAMIC forum[/quote]

Look Khan.

Lighten up a bit.

It was an Islamic joke. Seraph did warn you not to read it.

You should read Idris Shah's books on the humour of Mulla Nasruddin.

He was one good cracker.

Omrow

Saadia Khan — Sun, 25 Dec 2005 - 18:23

Whisper "Allah"

" Defeat is not the worst of failures. Not to have tried is the true failure. "
{Say "Nothing will happen to us except what God has decreed for us He is our Protector' and on God let the Believers put the trust"} (surah Taubah, 951)

Today I got a burden,
And I felt that I should pray,
For something seemed to tell me,
That you were having a bad day.

I don't know just what that problem is,
But I sure do know the cure,
And if you'll only let Him,
God "Allah" will keep you safe and secure.

In life there's always problems,
Cropping up to spoil our day,
But my friend, you know the answer,
All you have to do is "Pray".

If you still feel you're defeated,
And you want to run and hide,
Just reach out and I'll be there,
Standing right there by your side.

So remember ... just Whisper "Allah" ,
For He's only a prayer away,
He's so close that you can touch Him,
All you have to do is "Pray".

{It was we who Created man, and We know what makes dark suggestions his soul makes to him for We are nearer to him than (his) Jugular Vein.} (surah Qaaf ,5016)

When the slave says 'Allah' once, Allah answers 70 times 'Labayk ya 'abdika'
(yes, i'm here my slave)

Saadia Khan — Sun, 25 Dec 2005 - 18:30

I am a Muslim woman
by Jenn Zaghloul

I am a Muslim woman
Feel free to ask me why
When I walk,
I walk with dignity
When I speak
I do not lie

I am a Muslim woman
Not all of me you'll see
But what you should appreciate
Is that the choice I make is free

I'm not plagued with depression
I'm neither cheated nor abused
I don't envy other women
And I'm certainly not confused

Note, I speak perfect English
Et un petit peu de Francais aussi
I'm majoring in Linguistics
So you need not speak slowly

I run my own small business
Every cent I earn is mine
I drive my Chevy to school & work
And no, that's not a crime!

You often stare as I walk by
You don't understand my veil
But peace and power I have found
As I am equal to any male!

I am a Muslim woman
So please don't pity me
For God has guided me to truth
And now I'm finally free!

Sirus — Wed, 4 Jan 2006 - 10:04

One day the real value of this world was

calculated taking into account the heaped up

treasures and disasters each soul must

accomplish gather endure and overcome

and the true value of all our

striving in this world to gain even just a

tiny crumb of it after all at the end of the long

mortal road and it added up to just a

single coin one thin round coin which could be

slid into a pocket or skipped across the passing

river currents

and made to leap in little arcs like a

drunken acrobat into the

far dark on the other side

iRazor — Wed, 4 Jan 2006 - 12:34

The othr day, I was walking down the street.
I fell asleep,and had a dream...

I awoke to find by body lieng in ruins around me in a charred composition of humanity,dogs there were, every where.

I looked around, with what eyes, I know not, I looked around then and saw a little aloo looking at me through the pea sized button hole of a dogs neck collar.

So I tokes out muy trusty potato peeler and went towards him with the intent to destroy his fetid potato ness, ad thats when I realised...he [the potato] was calling out to me, imploring me to help him.

I couldn't help but turn my eyes down in compassion for the poor aloo, so I dropped the peeler and walked up to him arms open and started dancing.

When e saw the pur lyric of my whirling celebration he exploded...in a thick grimey stew of happy mash.

All was well, I blinked as the sunlight thread hazy patterns across my still sleepy eyes, all was well, and I needed to go get mashed on a sheesha.

And rub coconut body oil on my coconut.
😃

Dawud wrote this..not me

*DUST* — Thu, 5 Jan 2006 - 00:35

[quote="Hayder on Holiday"]lolll...Dawud wrote that from Razors laptop

Dawud truly is unique.... :lol:[/quote]
😂

Medarris — Thu, 5 Jan 2006 - 15:06

[quote]Ibn Jauzi relates: My friend informed me that a man married a woman who was very short in size.
The people questioned: "What have you done?!"
So he replied: "Women are evil(fitnah), the less evil(fitnah) the better!"[/quote]

Found that funny. Taken from only fools and fools of Mawlana Ahmad Ali Sahib.

RuBz — Thu, 5 Jan 2006 - 15:12

[size=18][color=blue][i]To wake up in the morning
And always see the sun
No matter what the weather
You’re glad the day’s begun
For there’s a certain someone
Who makes the grey skies blue
And in my case that someone………
I’m glad to say is you!!!!!!![/i][/color][/size]

RuBz — Thu, 5 Jan 2006 - 15:15

[color=red][i]Friends will come and friends will go,
The seasons change and it will show,
I will age and so will you,
But our friendship stays, strong and true.[/i][/color]

RuBz — Thu, 5 Jan 2006 - 15:17

I wrote your name in the sky,
but the wind blew it away.
I wrote your name in the sand,
but the waves washed it away.
I wrote your name in my heart,
and forever it will stay.

MuslimSister — Thu, 5 Jan 2006 - 17:34

[quote="Med"][quote]Ibn Jauzi relates: My friend informed me that a man married a woman who was very short in size.
The people questioned: "What have you done?!"
So he replied: "Women are evil(fitnah), the less evil(fitnah) the better!"[/quote]

Found that funny. Taken from only fools and fools of Mawlana Ahmad Ali Sahib.[/quote]

You have an intresting sense of humour.

Medarris — Thu, 5 Jan 2006 - 21:24

[quote="MuslimSister"][quote="Med"][quote]Ibn Jauzi relates: My friend informed me that a man married a woman who was very short in size.
The people questioned: "What have you done?!"
So he replied: "Women are evil(fitnah), the less evil(fitnah) the better!"[/quote]

Found that funny. Taken from only fools and fools of Mawlana Ahmad Ali Sahib.[/quote]

You have an intresting sense of humour.[/quote]

It seems I share it with Ibn Jawzi because he included it in his book: Akhbarul Hamqa wal Mughafaleen.

Another one:

[quote]A woman told a teacher of her disobedient son and demanded that her son was disciplined by lessons of fear. The teacher had a very long beard. He placed it in his mouth, shook his head and began screaming loudly. This extremely scared the mother.
Frightened she remarked: "I told you to scare the child, not me!"
He replied: "You fool, when the punishment of ALLAH comes, then the good and bad are all destroyed."[/quote]

iRazor — Thu, 5 Jan 2006 - 22:01

Med post more From Ibn al Jawzee plz, i herd his book r full of funny stories etc,

Them jokes r kinda funny in a weird way. N serephim that joke made me laugh loudly, my mum thinks im a nutcase now 😂