Jokes/Poetry or anythin alike!

Angel —

This thread is for jokes, poems or any inspirational stories (hint hint muslim kuri!)... so here goes......

Generous lawyer

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."

The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"

Forum

Dave — Fri, 18 Nov 2005 - 01:14

[quote="Admin"]Dave you are safe.

check your PM[/quote]

thank God, i couldn't handle anymore of this sappy conversation.

I love her but I like to show it more than say it.

Dave — Fri, 18 Nov 2005 - 01:15

[quote="angel"][quote="Constantine"]haha - well i'd like to think I already am.

Hopefully a very important one[/quote]

awww thats what ^^^ u call love!! bless.[/quote]

lol no that's what you call fear of execution

Dave — Fri, 18 Nov 2005 - 02:09

[quote="angel"][quote="Constantine"][quote="Darth V-Hayder"]lol, im in it bad?

ur poems are well suspicious 😂

btw....ur story LilSis.....i think i seen that 1 :D[/quote]

Hang on is there a girl involved here somewhere?!

Why does it seem like everybody but me is on the same page[/quote]

Check meds "how do you know when your in love" we kinda think well we know that med is in luuuuuuuuurve and apparently so is hayduh cuz they both are getin all mushy? so no there isnt a girl there are girls involved :shock:[/quote]

lol I think I see what you mean

Def knew about med already - never picked up on Hayder.

She must be puerto rican

Sirus — Fri, 18 Nov 2005 - 10:55

[quote="Constantine"]
never picked up on Hayder.

She must be puerto rican[/quote]

i like the way you think

8)

MuslimSisLilSis — Fri, 18 Nov 2005 - 11:58

[quote="Darth V-Hayder"]

btw....ur story LilSis.....i think i seen that 1 :D[/quote]

I know you do :twisted:

btw there's many diff endings to the that story-but all of them tragic

the madman never finds tru love again 😢

MuslimSisLilSis — Fri, 18 Nov 2005 - 12:03

[quote="Darth V-Hayder"]did you read med's story?

i hear it was never really a true story, so much so, that he had to delete it[/quote]

didnt read it

was it similair to my "tru story"?

Sirus — Fri, 18 Nov 2005 - 12:05

it was rubbish, believe me

bout a deviant little girl who got up2 no good, coudlnt fall in love, she caused trouble, spreaded lies etc etc ...... oh, and she looked like a dog

:roll:

MuslimSisLilSis — Fri, 18 Nov 2005 - 12:07

[quote="Darth V-Hayder"]

bout a deviant little girl who got up2 no good, coudlnt fall in love, she caused trouble, spreaded lies etc etc ...... oh, and she looked like a dog

:roll:[/quote]

LOL

did he really write that? :shock:

or are u stirring?

MuslimSisLilSis — Fri, 18 Nov 2005 - 12:09

[quote="Darth V-Hayder"]no joke

it got deleted, it was a crap story like i said, and i think you should delete yours too...[/quote]

why should I?

people liked it-no one said it caused offence

in fact people said that they could "relate to it" :twisted:

Dave — Fri, 18 Nov 2005 - 12:55

[quote="Darth V-Hayder"][quote="Constantine"]
never picked up on Hayder.

She must be puerto rican[/quote]

i like the way you think

8)[/quote]

I like the way [i]you[/i] think

Alisha — Fri, 18 Nov 2005 - 14:18

[b]Makes U think... [/b]

He remembered his grandmother's warning about praying on time: "My
son, you shouldn't leave prayer to this late time". His grandmother's age was 70 but whenever she heard the Adhan, she got up like an arrow and performed Salah. He, however could never win over his ego to get up and pray. Whatever he did, his Salah was always the last to be offered and he prayed it quickly to get it in on time.

Thinking of this, he got up and realized that there were only 15 minutes left before Salat-ul Isha. He quickly made Wudhu and performed Salat-ul Maghrib. While making Tasbih, he again remembered his grandmother and was embarrassed by how he had prayed. His grandmother prayed with such tranquility and peace.

He began making Dua and went down to make Sajdah and stayed like
that for a while. He had been at school all day and was tired, so tired.

He awoke abruptly to the sound of noise and shouting. He was sweating profusely. He looked around. It was very crowded. Every direction he looked in was filled with people. Some stood frozen looking around, some were running left and right and some were on their knees with their heads in their hands just waiting.

Pure fear and apprehension filled him as he realized where he was.
His heart was about to burst. It was the Day of Judgement. When he was alive, he had heard many things about the questioning on the Day of Judgement, but that seemed so long ago. Could this be something his mind made up? No, the wait and the fear were so great that he could not have imagined this.

The interrogation was still going on. He began moving frantically
from people to people to ask if his name had been called. No one could answer him. All of a sudden his name was called and the crowd
split into two and made a passageway for him.

Two angels grabbed his arms and led him forward. He walked with
unknowing eyes through the crowd. The angels brought him to the
center and left him there. His head was bent down and his whole life was passing in front of his eyes like a movie. He opened his eyes but saw only another world.

The people were all helping others. He saw his father running
from one lecture to the other, spending his wealth in the way of
Islam. His mother invited guests to their house and one table was
being set while the other was being cleared. He pleaded his case,
"I too was always on this path. I helped others. I spread the word
of Allah. I performed my Salah. I fasted in the month of
Ramadan.

Whatever Allah ordered us to do, I did. Whatever he ordered us not
to do, I did not." He began to cry and think about how much he
loved Allah.

He knew that whatever he had done in life would be less than what Allah
deserved and his only protector was Allah.

He was sweating like never before and
was shaking all over. His eyes were fixed on the scale, waiting for
the final decision. At last, the decision was made. The two angels with sheets of paper in their hands, turned to the crowd. His legs felt like they were going to collapse. He closed his eyes as they began to read the names of those people who were to enter Jahannam.

His name was read first.

He fell on his knees and yelled that this couldn't be, "How could I go to Jahannam? I served others all my life, I spread the word of Allah to others".
His eyes had become blurry and he was shaking with sweat. The two angels took him by the arms. As his feet dragged, they went through the crowd and advanced toward the blazing flames of Jahannam.
He was yelling and wondered if there was any person who was going
to help him. He was yelling of all the good deeds he had done, how
he had helped his father, his fasts, prayers, the Qur'an that he
read, he was asking if none of them would help him. The Jahannam
angels continued to drag him.

They had gotten closer to the Hellfire. He looked back and these were his last pleas. Had not Rasulullah [saw] said, "How clean would a person be who bathes in a river five times a day, so too does the Salah performed five times cleanse someone of their sins"?

He began yelling, "My prayers? my prayers? my prayers." The two
angels did not stop, and they came to the edge of the abyss of Jahannam. The flames of the fire were burning his face. He looked back one last time, but his eyes were dry of hope and he had nothing left in him.

One of the angels pushed him in. He found
himself in the air and falling towards the flames. He had just
fallen five or six feet when a hand grabbed him by the arm and
pulled him back.

He lifted his head and saw an old man with a long white beard. He
wiped some dust off himself and asked him, "Who are you?" The old
man replied, "I am your prayers". "Why are you so late! I was
almost in the Fire! You rescued
me at the last minute before I fell in".

The old man smiled and shook his head, "You always performed me at the last minute, did you forget?"

At that instant, he blinked and lifted his head from Sajdah. He was in
a sweat. He listened to the voices coming from outside. He heard the adhan for Salat-ul Isha. He got up quickly and went to perform Wudhu.

Seraphim — Tue, 22 Nov 2005 - 19:36

A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds." When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 40 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?" The blonde nodded... "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that 3rd day." "From hunger, you mean?", asked the doctor." No, from skipping."

Beast — Tue, 22 Nov 2005 - 22:09

Oh man! This is so funny. These guys really bring dignity to the political offices of the United States of America.

Kennedy calling himself a jam donut.

LBJ complaining about tight trousers.

Bush Snr and Reagan having some sex.

Ted Kennedy talking about Senator Osama.

Bush Jnr fooling himself.

http://onegoodmove.org/1gm/1gmarchive/002637.html#002637

Click on the pic. (Requires QuickTime)

BTW Dave, this Olberman fella is really informal, isn't he?

MuslimSisLilSis — Wed, 23 Nov 2005 - 19:48

Our darling emoticons have been delacred HARAAM 😢 😢 😢 😢 😢 😢 😢 😢 😢 😢

Q: I want to ask that the use of Emotions i.e. smiles in chat or email comes under drawing pictures?

Detail:- for example " 🙂 , 😉 “etc. (keeping in mind that in messenger a smiley face appears which has visible eyes and moth etc)

The use of emotional signs, for example, smile, sad, etc. in a cellphone falls in the category of animate pictures.

It is prohibited to make use of such emotional signs in a cellphone.

and Allah Ta'ala Knows Best

Mufti Ebrahim Desai

[url=http://www.islam.tc/ask-imam/view.php?q=11131]LINK[/url]

:roll:

Sirus — Thu, 24 Nov 2005 - 00:13

[quote="MuslimSisLilSis"]Our darling emoticons have been delacred HARAAM 😢 😢 😢 😢 😢 😢 😢 😢 😢 😢

Q: I want to ask that the use of Emotions i.e. smiles in chat or email comes under drawing pictures?

Detail:- for example " 🙂 , 😉 “etc. (keeping in mind that in messenger a smiley face appears which has visible eyes and moth etc)

The use of emotional signs, for example, smile, sad, etc. in a cellphone falls in the category of animate pictures.

It is prohibited to make use of such emotional signs in a cellphone.

and Allah Ta'ala Knows Best

Mufti Ebrahim Desai

[url=http://www.islam.tc/ask-imam/view.php?q=11131]LINK[/url]

:roll:[/quote]

about time someone picked up on this!

its a really high important matter, smilies.

cant believe it wasnt adressed a long time ago!

its pure evil

its ruining society

it takes u away from islam

to express emotions is wrong

to have emotions is worse

and i can go on and on and on :roll:

*DUST* — Thu, 24 Nov 2005 - 09:58

lol re: smilies... hayduh u cant blame the mufti, blame the person who asked the question in the first place. honestly i think the reason the Ummah is in its current state is coz Muslims focus on the insignificant nitty-gritty things instead of wot's REALLY important! :roll:

anyway, just to add my tuppence worth to this thread...

Not long ago, three friends went to New York. They decided to stay in a hotel during their visit. It so happened that their room ended up being on the 60th floor. The policy of the hotel was that every night after 12:00 a.m the elevators are shut down for security reasons. So the next day, the three friends rented a car and went out to explore the city. They enjoyed movies, concerts, and other things throughout the day. At one point, they remembered that they have to get back to the hotel before 12 a.m. When they arrived, it was beyond 12 a.m. at night. The elevators were shut down. There was no other way to get back to their room but to take the stairs all the way to the 60th floor. All of a sudden, one friend had an idea. He said "For the first 20 floors, I will tell jokes to keep us going. Then another one of us can say wise stories for the next 20 floors. Finally, we will cover the other 20 floors with sad stories." So, one of the friends started with jokes. With laughs and joy, they reached the 20th floor. Now, another friend started saying stories that are full of wisdom. So, they learnt a lot before reaching the 40th floor. Now, it was time for the sad stories. So, the third friend started thus, "My first sad story is that I left the key for the room in the car."

A deeper meaning behind the joke? This story resembles our life. For the first 20 years of our life, we spend time in joking and enjoying whatever is out there. Then, after we reach 20, we go into the work force, get married, have kids and this is the time when we use our wisdom. Then, if we reach 40, we finally see the white hairs and begin to think that my life is coming to an end and the sadness begins.

It's better that we start our life in the very beginning by remembering death rather than preparing for it at the end our life when very few of us have the energy to obey Allah completely.

Fatima — Thu, 24 Nov 2005 - 14:14

[quote="Hedwig"]A deeper meaning behind the joke? This story resembles our life. For the first 20 years of our life, we spend time in joking and enjoying whatever is out there. Then, after we reach 20, we go into the work force, get married, have kids and this is the time when we use our wisdom. Then, if we reach 40, we finally see the white hairs and begin to think that my life is coming to an end and the sadness begins.

It's better that we start our life in the very beginning by remembering death rather than preparing for it at the end our life when very few of us have the energy to obey Allah completely.[/quote]

Good post, really makes you think

*DUST* — Thu, 24 Nov 2005 - 15:06

[quote="Fatima"][quote="Hedwig"]A deeper meaning behind the joke? This story resembles our life. For the first 20 years of our life, we spend time in joking and enjoying whatever is out there. Then, after we reach 20, we go into the work force, get married, have kids and this is the time when we use our wisdom. Then, if we reach 40, we finally see the white hairs and begin to think that my life is coming to an end and the sadness begins.

It's better that we start our life in the very beginning by remembering death rather than preparing for it at the end our life when very few of us have the energy to obey Allah completely.[/quote]

Good post, really makes you think[/quote]
glad u thought so, alhumdulillah. 🙂