Marriage Recipe

star —

[quote][b]Recipe for a successful marriage by Mufti Ebrahim Desai (db)[/b]
"Our Lord! Grant that our spouses and our offspring be a comfort to our eyes, and give us the grace to lead those who are conscious of You" (Furqaan 74).

Q: Every human being by nature has an instinct to dispute. This instinct becomes more manifest between the husband and wife, thus leading to marital disputes. How can this instinct be controlled?

A. Consider the following ten points to control the instinct of dispute and maintain a happy marriage.

1. Fear Allah: It was the noble practice of Nabi ﷺ to conscientise the spouses about the fear for Allah before performing a Nikah by reciting the verses (Nisa v14, Ahzab v69, Aali-Imraan v101) from the Quraan. All the verses are common in the message of Taqwa (fear of Allah). The spouses will be first committed to Allah before being committed to their partner. There can be no doubt in the success of a marriage governed by the fear of Allah.

2. Never be angry at the same time: Anger is the root cause for all marital disputes. One Sahabi came to Rasulullah ﷺ and sought some advice. Rasulullah ﷺ replied, control your anger. The same advice was rendered three times. (Mishkaat pg.433; HM Saeed)

3. If one has to win an argument, let it be the other: Nabi ﷺ said: "Whoever discards an argument despite being correct shall earn a palace in the centre of Jannah. (Ibid pg.412)

4. Never shout at each other unless the house is on fire: Luqman (AS) while offering advice to his son said: " and lower your voice for verily the most disliked voice is that of a donkey". (Surah Luqman v19)

5. If you have to criticize, do it lovingly: Rasulullah ﷺ said, 'A Mu' min is a mirror for a Mu'min.' (Abu Dawud vol.2 pg.325; Imdadiyah) Advise with dignity and silently.

6. Never bring up mistakes of the past: Nabi ﷺ said: "Whoever conceals the faults of others, Allah shall conceal his faults on the day of Qiyaamah." (Mishkaat pg.429; HM Saeed)

7. Neglect the whole world rather than your marriage partner:Nabi ﷺ confirmed the advice of Salman to Abu-Darda [RA] for neglecting his wife. "Verily there is a right of your wife over you." (Nasai Hadith2391)

8. Never sleep with an argument unsettled: Abu Bakr [RA] resolved his dispute with his wife over-feeding the guests before going to bed. (Bukhari Hadith 602)

9. At least, once everyday, express your gratitude to your partner: Nabi [sallallaahu alayhi wasallam] said, 'Whoever does not show gratitude to the people has not shown gratitude to Allah.' (Abu Dawud pg.662; Karachi)

10. When you have done something wrong, be ready to admit it and ask for forgiveness: Nabi [sallallaahu alayhi wasallam] said, 'All the sons of Aadam commit error, and the best of those who err are those who seek forgiveness.' (Tirmidhi Hadith 2499) [/quote]

Forum

Medarris — Wed, 21 Dec 2005 - 00:36

yeh, and im certain, and if u asked a hanafi alim he wud be certain aswell.

3 little words from the husband, and thats it the wife gets her freedom.

star — Wed, 21 Dec 2005 - 00:37

[quote="musk"]yeh, and im certain, and if u asked a hanafi alim he wud be certain aswell.

3 little words from the husband, and thats it the wife gets her freedom.[/quote]

pakistani men are VERY CLEVA...arent they?

Medarris — Wed, 21 Dec 2005 - 00:41

yeh they are, particularly if they want passports etc. Then they aint just clever, they bloody geniuses.

But women are cleverer. And wen ppl get into emotional state, they say things they wud never dream of saying.

You — Wed, 21 Dec 2005 - 00:55

[quote="musk"]^^^
READ THAT NAJ[/quote]

What does that mean?

OK, I am certain. no doubt about it.

(I am prone to errors, so I try to add an uncertainty into my replies... just incase I am wrong... as I can be and often am.)

Ramz — Thu, 22 Dec 2005 - 23:00

[quote="musk"]
I dont have stories about my road and what peoples get up to, I aint a gossip but I do know abt my own family members and how they stuck to their marriages even when husband was a complete fool. Some instances include: man marries a divorcee woman who has a daughter, brings up the daughter and when the daughter reaches maturity says to the wife either get ur daughter married to my brother or I'll divorce you, or then there was the woman who got beats cos she kept having daughters, or there was another woman who used to have a hockey stick taken to her, or the one who became a mother of three kids but still wud get beatings from her step dad who was her bro-in-law aswell. Or the one whose husband went to america, got married to a white woman and didnt come back for years and STILL the wife would refer to him with respect and wudnt tolerate one word against him

Women like that are superheros, and I cant express my respect for them enough.[/quote]

I didnt know such shitheads existed. I thought this only happened back home. I spit on such men, and I have done in real life too. My next door neighbour was often beaten by her so called husband. If any man hit me, I'd personally beat the shit out of him after my dad, brothers and uncles dealt with him.

This aint the 60's and the women these days aint punchbags like men were at those times. My religious cousin advised me to place prenups in my marriage contract which I will do. Such as how I get everything and a divorce if my man ever cheats or beats me.This is worth thinking about, esp the naive girls.

laila — Fri, 23 Dec 2005 - 01:27

i like that post ramz, infact i like all your posts today, they're bold and pack a punch

Ramz — Fri, 23 Dec 2005 - 13:21

[quote="seema*"]i like that post ramz, infact i like all your posts today, they're bold and pack a punch[/quote]

Thanks hun. I was tired of getting angry at some of the shit that women hatin mullah wanabe's sprout. So I thought I'd log in and give em all a piece of my mind.

Your a dear though. I like your posts. Only one or two people here piss me off.

Medarris — Fri, 23 Dec 2005 - 14:46

[quote="Ramz"]
Thanks hun. I was tired of getting angry at some of the shit that women hatin mullah wanabe's sprout. So I thought I'd log in and give em all a piece of my mind.

Your a dear though. I like your posts. Only one or two people here piss me off.[/quote]

FYO i dont agree with how those women were treated.

Seconldy Its becoming pretty clear you have a lot of issues. I hope you work them out.

Thirdly, making derogatory remarks about Mullah's is a big mistake. If you want to abuse me then do so with full force but why bring in Mullahs into these? The Ulama, call them maulvi, mawlana, mullah, shaykh, ustadji, hazrat, whatever deserve to be respected. And if you think that mullah is a derogatory term then you are mistaken, being a mullah is one of the biggest honours a muslim can have. So, be careful what u say woman.

Ramz — Fri, 23 Dec 2005 - 17:34

[quote="musk"]that most marriages break down today because women arent willing to observe the role their mothers/ grandmothers were willing to act out.

.[/quote]

You stated above that marraiges today breakdown because women today are not willing punchbags as the women were in our grandparents times. You backed your point by highly praising the women in your family for patiently taking shit. No where did you condemn the crazy men in your family.

But chill you Mullah. Your entitled to your views and the way you choose to live your life. Its no biggie.

Medarris — Fri, 23 Dec 2005 - 20:50

[quote="musk"]

[b]I aint saying if its right or not, but its a fact that previously women, no matter how bad the husband/in laws were, would generally stick it out and I must say they deserve a big respect for it.[/b] Becuase if women were as demanding as men in the marriage then I would say that most marriages would have broken down in the past aswell. I personally view it as a fact that if marriages lasted upto the recent past it was because of the women in most cases, obviously not all.

And for that they deserve respect, but similarly in this light it would seem that most marriages break down today because women arent willing to observe the role their mothers/ grandmothers were willing to act out.

.[/quote]

You're so kind. Thank you for quoting me. But that section which you quoted came AFTER the section above. Please refer to the words in bold type. They will show my stance.

Woman, you honour me. I am not a Mullah. Make dua that ALLAH accepts me.

Dawud — Fri, 23 Dec 2005 - 21:14

[quote="musk"] I am not a Mullah. Make dua that ALLAH accepts me.[/quote]

Ameen.

I think its time to accept that you two have issues:

Med/musk: Doesn't go for treating wives with any less respect than your own mother.

However he is big on women keeping respect and patience in the face of extenuating or just hard difficulties.

Ramz: Shares my view on men who abuse/mis treat/act ashamedly towards their wives and women in general. And those men who are not very nice, shall we say. And that view point is somewhere in the dark tubes of a double barrel shotgun.

Essentially though Med won't be the last person to speak out against ill treatiing members of his family and Ramz has alot to say for respect (and possibly extreme patience too).

8) Be cool about it. 😃