Marriage Recipe
[quote][b]Recipe for a successful marriage by Mufti Ebrahim Desai (db)[/b]
"Our Lord! Grant that our spouses and our offspring be a comfort to our eyes, and give us the grace to lead those who are conscious of You" (Furqaan 74).
Q: Every human being by nature has an instinct to dispute. This instinct becomes more manifest between the husband and wife, thus leading to marital disputes. How can this instinct be controlled?
A. Consider the following ten points to control the instinct of dispute and maintain a happy marriage.
1. Fear Allah: It was the noble practice of Nabi ﷺ to conscientise the spouses about the fear for Allah before performing a Nikah by reciting the verses (Nisa v14, Ahzab v69, Aali-Imraan v101) from the Quraan. All the verses are common in the message of Taqwa (fear of Allah). The spouses will be first committed to Allah before being committed to their partner. There can be no doubt in the success of a marriage governed by the fear of Allah.
2. Never be angry at the same time: Anger is the root cause for all marital disputes. One Sahabi came to Rasulullah ﷺ and sought some advice. Rasulullah ﷺ replied, control your anger. The same advice was rendered three times. (Mishkaat pg.433; HM Saeed)
3. If one has to win an argument, let it be the other: Nabi ﷺ said: "Whoever discards an argument despite being correct shall earn a palace in the centre of Jannah. (Ibid pg.412)
4. Never shout at each other unless the house is on fire: Luqman (AS) while offering advice to his son said: " and lower your voice for verily the most disliked voice is that of a donkey". (Surah Luqman v19)
5. If you have to criticize, do it lovingly: Rasulullah ﷺ said, 'A Mu' min is a mirror for a Mu'min.' (Abu Dawud vol.2 pg.325; Imdadiyah) Advise with dignity and silently.
6. Never bring up mistakes of the past: Nabi ﷺ said: "Whoever conceals the faults of others, Allah shall conceal his faults on the day of Qiyaamah." (Mishkaat pg.429; HM Saeed)
7. Neglect the whole world rather than your marriage partner:Nabi ﷺ confirmed the advice of Salman to Abu-Darda [RA] for neglecting his wife. "Verily there is a right of your wife over you." (Nasai Hadith2391)
8. Never sleep with an argument unsettled: Abu Bakr [RA] resolved his dispute with his wife over-feeding the guests before going to bed. (Bukhari Hadith 602)
9. At least, once everyday, express your gratitude to your partner: Nabi [sallallaahu alayhi wasallam] said, 'Whoever does not show gratitude to the people has not shown gratitude to Allah.' (Abu Dawud pg.662; Karachi)
10. When you have done something wrong, be ready to admit it and ask for forgiveness: Nabi [sallallaahu alayhi wasallam] said, 'All the sons of Aadam commit error, and the best of those who err are those who seek forgiveness.' (Tirmidhi Hadith 2499) [/quote]
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no, i know what you mean, but meant is it a better solution to be married when young, say 16-18 to prevent messing around or doing haram things?
its still possible to go college/uni
but may be more likley to mess around secretly if only engaged
though mind you, a friend of a friend was married before uni, girl he married came from pak, he went to uni, his mates were having fun, he wanted to join in, left his wife and started seeing girl from uni.
he ended up marrying the second girl, and she converted to islam, and first one is still here and single.
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Hmmmmm, scratch his car :twisted:
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thats terrible fizz, where does she live now? (the wife from back home) My friends sister got married at 19 and moved up north, and she went to uni up there too, she's finished hner degree and her husband was really supportive ect, not everyone is as lucky huh.
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[quote="fizzy1"]no, i know what you mean, but meant is it a better solution to be married when young, say 16-18 to prevent messing around or doing haram things?
its still possible to go college/uni
but may be more likley to mess around secretly if only engaged
though mind you, a friend of a friend was married before uni, girl he married came from pak, he went to uni, his mates were having fun, he wanted to join in, left his wife and started seeing girl from uni.
he ended up marrying the second girl, and she converted to islam, and first one is still here and single.[/quote]
Not the first girls fault... should make him pay... hes the one whose been playing away... get a good lawyer take 90% of his assets...
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[quote="fizzy1"]channel and the topic was teenage pregnancies
they suggested the solution maybe to get ppl married younger, cuz by the time they are 16 they start getting into relationships
.[/quote]
I don't think thats the answer. The average 16 year old today is incredibly immature.
I cringe when I think about how spoilt and immature I was at 16. A right moody Madam. :?
Maturity is vital in marraige.
But yeah..it is an issue. But I think people need to stop being so weak and practise self control.
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think it is uprbinging of parents too
must teach them the consequences of messing around, listen to them and not force them into things they do not want to do
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getting married at 16 will NOT lower teenage pregnancies.
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[quote="Admin"]getting married at 16 will NOT lower teenage pregnancies.[/quote]
only make divorce rates go thru the roof.
good for lawyers
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whats so bad abt teenage pregnancies?
i dnt understand.
My mom, both grannies, older aunties, cousin sisters in law, infact most of my female relatives were teenage mums. is that so bad?
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[quote="Med"]whats so bad abt teenage pregnancies?
i dnt understand.
My mom, both grannies, older aunties, cousin sisters in law, infact most of my female relatives were teenage mums. is that so bad?[/quote]
Med... women are not of the same calibre anymore. Cant expect them to go thru the same thing as your mommy did? Its a whole different ball game now. With a whole new bunch of problems... scary problems.
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[quote="Seraph"]
Med... women are not of the same calibre anymore. Cant expect them to go thru the same thing as your mommy did? Its a whole different ball game now. With a whole new bunch of problems... scary problems.[/quote]
agreeed.
But there are still some women who are good mums at teenage, even today. And im on abt the ones my cousins marry from back home.
Theres one family in our family and 3 of their sons are married and their wives had kids in teenage years. And they aint a generation ago, they are only at most 7 years older than me.
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[quote="Med"][quote="Seraph"]
Med... women are not of the same calibre anymore. Cant expect them to go thru the same thing as your mommy did? Its a whole different ball game now. With a whole new bunch of problems... scary problems.[/quote]
agreeed.
But there are still some women who are good mums at teenage, even today. And im on abt the ones my cousins marry from back home.
Theres one family in our family and 3 of their sons are married and their wives had kids in teenage years. And they aint a generation ago, they are only at most 7 years older than me.[/quote]
if they're 7 years older than you then how are they in their teens?
does that just make you a ikle kid?
If for some reason the above is still true.... you forgot about the scary women problems.... theres no escaping them.
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my sister is teachin the college 1 day a week as part of her pgce....
one of her students has invited her to her wedding this weekend
and shes 17 :?
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[quote="Black Prince"]my sister is teachin the college 1 day a week as part of her pgce....
one of her students has invited her to her wedding this weekend
and shes 17 :?[/quote]
is her student asian? if so thats not shocking to me at all. i know loadsa girls who've got married around that age... if the girls mature i dont see y not.
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[quote="Black Prince"]my sister is teachin the college 1 day a week as part of her pgce....
one of her students has invited her to her wedding this weekend
and shes 17 :?[/quote]
That's illegal here...
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yes shes pakistani
even my sis is a lil shocked
i know its common
but how can you be ready at that age?
especially nowadayz :?
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[quote="Black Prince"]yes shes pakistani
even my sis is a lil shocked
i know its common
but how can you be ready at that age?
especially nowadayz :?[/quote]
i dunno, its different for different people, not everyone is immature at that age.
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That's just not right...
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[quote="Don Karnage"][quote="fizzy1"]dave - double choc chip cookies BUT even better - ben and jerrys choc fudge brownie ice cream. heaven in a tub.
[/quote]
Yahztee!
I love ben and jerrys.
Cookies and ice cream - put em together.
It's very good.[/quote]
Haagen Dazs Cookies and Cream is TOP.
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true not everyone is immature
i dont even know the person, im jus generalisin really
a LOT of college girls IMO arent reay - speaking from what ive seen
but you always get exceptions i suppose
you can be ready at 17..........but at 19-21 your a totally different person i think
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[quote="Don Karnage"]That's just not right...[/quote]
...according to law? ofcourse. but otherwise its a personal choice. some 17 year olds are much more mature than one would expect.
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[quote="Aasiyah"][quote="Don Karnage"]That's just not right...[/quote]
...according to law? ofcourse. but otherwise its a personal choice. some 17 year olds are much more mature than one would expect.[/quote]
Well the law is one thing - let's bare in mind it exists for a reason.
But Hayder is right, there is big difference between 17 and even 19-21.
There is nobody I can think of in High School that is remontely ready for that.
But it doesn't matter - that's what the law reads, there is no ambiguity.
Perhaps it's not the same for Britain, but fortunately these practices do not exist here.
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[quote="Don Karnage"][quote="Aasiyah"][quote="Don Karnage"]That's just not right...[/quote]
...according to law? ofcourse. but otherwise its a personal choice. some 17 year olds are much more mature than one would expect.[/quote]
Well the law is one thing - let's bare in mind it exists for a reason.
But Hayder is right, there is big difference between 17 and even 19-21.
There is nobody I can think of in High School that is remontely ready for that.
But it doesn't matter - that's what the law reads, there is no ambiguity.
Perhaps it's not the same for Britain, but fortunately these practices do not exist here.[/quote]
wel i dont doubt these 'practices' as u call them happen in America too - muslims only really need the 'Nikah' certificate to be declared married, so i guess according to the law they are just a guy and a girl living together...
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wats our law?
16? lol
think it is
but Aasiyah is right....only the Nikkah needed
BUUUT
wouldnt you agree Aasiyah? your mental state at 17 is much much different to 19-21....the years you 'find yourself' generally compared to the days you chill n have a happy happy happy approach to everythin
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[quote="Black Prince"]wats our law?
16? lol
think it is
but Aasiyah is right....only the Nikkah needed
BUUUT
wouldnt you agree Aasiyah? your mental state at 17 is much much different to 19-21....the years you 'find yourself' generally compared to the days you chill n have a happy happy happy approach to everythin[/quote]
oh yeh thats true i think in England and Wales the legal age to get married is 16 anyway.
yes i can see where ur coming from re: maturity, but if u have friends who uv seen before and after marriage, u may hav noticed that marriage automatically makes them much more mature (this is esp. the case with girls). some of my friends who got married have really shocked me, us unmarried girls get annoyed wen our married friends start lecturing us about stuf... 😂 so at the end of the day it depends on the individual, and girls often mature dramatically after marriage, become much more responsible if they arent already...
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true
but i guess the same never applies to all
im not sayin young marriages donr work.....im jus glad it never happened to me.........oh my, me 2 years ago lol!!
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[quote="Black Prince"]true
but i guess the same never applies to all
im not sayin young marriages donr work.....im jus glad it never happened to me.........oh my, me 2 years ago lol!![/quote]
oh yeah lol, with guys its a whole different story - u lot are like 5 years behind in maturity... 😂
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lol whatver!!!
its jus common a lot nowadays amongst the youth
i know you get the exceptions
but generally speakin....you only hav to look around college and uni, so many guys and girls arent ready to take life seriously
and sometimes thats why things go wrong
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[quote="Black Prince"]lol whatver!!!
its jus common a lot nowadays amongst the youth
i know you get the exceptions
but generally speakin....you only hav to look around college and uni, so many guys and girls arent ready to take life seriously
and sometimes thats why things go wrong[/quote]
seriously if u compare the average 17 yr old guy to a 17 yr old girl, ud find the latter to be more responsible (with the few exceptions obviously).
but yeh its true that guys and girls nowadays are ridiculously immature even at uni-going age... not a good thing IMO. :?
[quote="fizzy1"]
mslilsis totally agree.
watching muslimah dilema today on islam channel and the topic was teenage pregnancies
they suggested the solution maybe to get ppl married younger, cuz by the time they are 16 they start getting into relationships
so if they were married at that age it wd be halal.
prob is when they are older and older and having relationships, when they cd marry their partner.[/quote]
I think its wrong to be engaged to someone and mess about (even have feelings for someone else)
marraige is a serious lifetime commitment
people shouldnt agree to it unless they are serious about it
someone I know broke of an engagement just cos she "changed her mind"
all the wedding clothes had been brought
girls shouldnt say yes so quickly if they gonna back away or mess around later on