[b]Recipe for a successful marriage by Mufti Ebrahim Desai (db)[/b]
"Our Lord! Grant that our spouses and our offspring be a comfort to our eyes, and give us the grace to lead those who are conscious of You" (Furqaan 74).Q: Every human being by nature has an instinct to dispute. This instinct becomes more manifest between the husband and wife, thus leading to marital disputes. How can this instinct be controlled?
A. Consider the following ten points to control the instinct of dispute and maintain a happy marriage.
1. Fear Allah: It was the noble practice of Nabi (SAW) to conscientise the spouses about the fear for Allah before performing a Nikah by reciting the verses (Nisa v14, Ahzab v69, Aali-Imraan v101) from the Quraan. All the verses are common in the message of Taqwa (fear of Allah). The spouses will be first committed to Allah before being committed to their partner. There can be no doubt in the success of a marriage governed by the fear of Allah.
2. Never be angry at the same time: Anger is the root cause for all marital disputes. One Sahabi came to Rasulullah (SAW) and sought some advice. Rasulullah (SAW) replied, control your anger. The same advice was rendered three times. (Mishkaat pg.433; HM Saeed)
3. If one has to win an argument, let it be the other: Nabi (SAW) said: "Whoever discards an argument despite being correct shall earn a palace in the centre of Jannah. (Ibid pg.412)
4. Never shout at each other unless the house is on fire: Luqman (AS) while offering advice to his son said: " and lower your voice for verily the most disliked voice is that of a donkey". (Surah Luqman v19)
5. If you have to criticize, do it lovingly: Rasulullah (SAW) said, 'A Mu' min is a mirror for a Mu'min.' (Abu Dawud vol.2 pg.325; Imdadiyah) Advise with dignity and silently.
6. Never bring up mistakes of the past: Nabi (SAW) said: "Whoever conceals the faults of others, Allah shall conceal his faults on the day of Qiyaamah." (Mishkaat pg.429; HM Saeed)
7. Neglect the whole world rather than your marriage partner:Nabi (SAW) confirmed the advice of Salman to Abu-Darda [RA] for neglecting his wife. "Verily there is a right of your wife over you." (Nasai Hadith2391)
8. Never sleep with an argument unsettled: Abu Bakr [RA] resolved his dispute with his wife over-feeding the guests before going to bed. (Bukhari Hadith 602)
9. At least, once everyday, express your gratitude to your partner: Nabi [sallallaahu alayhi wasallam] said, 'Whoever does not show gratitude to the people has not shown gratitude to Allah.' (Abu Dawud pg.662; Karachi)
10. When you have done something wrong, be ready to admit it and ask for forgiveness: Nabi [sallallaahu alayhi wasallam] said, 'All the sons of Aadam commit error, and the best of those who err are those who seek forgiveness.' (Tirmidhi Hadith 2499)
Marriage Recipe
Published by star on 13 December, 2005 - 14:45
speaking of marraige recipes and disasters
there's this sweet aunty we know who just left-she was crying her eyes out to mum
basically-her older daughter has just returned home after being beaten up by her husband and in laws after TWO weeks of marraige
but u know whats shocking-this girl dating her fiancee for about 5 years
both parents knew-
parents had decided to wed them when they both finish Uni
BOTH familes had five years to find out about each other
however during this time the girls family didnt find out what monsters the boys family is
and after FIVE odd years of dating the girl didnt know that her man was capable of raising his hands
anyway-girl is back at home psychologically messed up in the head-she's scared of working/going out etc
family is devasted
and I'm depressed-the girls younger sister is my mate
they're all sweet girls-its depressing when bad stuff happens to good people
thats awful
even when you try to get it right you will still get it wrong.
now what is the moral of the story?
obv both sets of parents agreed, and had plenty of time to find out.
in your experience, do you find marriages work better if the ppl to be married choose each other, or if their parents choose their partners??
I dont know the moral of the story
I think they did nothing wrong
boy liked girl
boy got family involved
families agreed
they all spend five years getting to know one another
STILL it was a disaster
its SO depressing-apparently they showed their evil side on the wedding day
I cant say if love marraiges or arranged marriages are more successful-
both are 50/50
my only critirea for a happy marraige used to be-make sure you KNOW the person ur marrying so ur not in for any nasty surprises
but now it seems that even that critera has flaws in it
true, how well can you get to know someone?
i mean, you could ask opinions of others who may know the family, but then how do you know they are reliable?
also, you could see how they treat their current in-laws if they have any, again not totally reliable.
i guess after marriage they wd relax more and show their true colours
Its not who they say they are... or who you think they are... its what they do that defines them.
Best way to understand someone is to look at the company they keep.
Ofcourse nothing is fool-proof 100%...
in the end you must have some faith in people and in god.
Back in BLACK
true
actions speak louder than words
not the promises they make, its whether they stick to them and keep them
didnt u say they dated for 5 years?
moral of the story is: dating doesnt churn out perfect marriages.
[size=9]I NEVER WORE IT BECAUSE OF THE TALIBAN, MOTHER. I LIKE THE [b]MODESTY[/b] AND [b]PROTECTION[/b] IT AFFORDS ME FROM THE EYES OF MEN.[/size] [url=http://www.adherents.com/lit/comics/Dust.html]Dust, X-Men[/url]
....batman, right?
[size=9]I NEVER WORE IT BECAUSE OF THE TALIBAN, MOTHER. I LIKE THE [b]MODESTY[/b] AND [b]PROTECTION[/b] IT AFFORDS ME FROM THE EYES OF MEN.[/size] [url=http://www.adherents.com/lit/comics/Dust.html]Dust, X-Men[/url]
Actually ThePhantomMod... or atleast his/her/it's signiture... take a look at hisher/its recent post....
And yes Betman Begins was a kool film.
Back in BLACK
and The Phantom Mod :roll:
did you go watch HP thn? figured you were away all weekend....probz watched them all, read all the books, bought the merchandise, played wizards v witches, played quidditch
The Lover is ever drunk with love;
He is free, he is mad,
He dances with ecstasy and delight.
Caught by our own thoughts,
We worry about every little thing,
But once we get drunk on that love,
Whatever will be, will be.
ɐɥɐɥ
quidditch??
do you have a broom and everything?
yes seraph, batman begins was indeed a wicked film!
Phantom Mod is unoriginal, he needs to think up summat of his own...
lol fizzy hayduh is tryna b funny. :roll: yes hayduh i did go watch HP (finally!) on saturday. but no, HP did not keep me away from the forum... summat wierded me out, so i was considering leaving, but wodya know, the Revival really is addictive.
reserve HP talk for the HP thread tho! - i will comment on the movie there...
[size=9]I NEVER WORE IT BECAUSE OF THE TALIBAN, MOTHER. I LIKE THE [b]MODESTY[/b] AND [b]PROTECTION[/b] IT AFFORDS ME FROM THE EYES OF MEN.[/size] [url=http://www.adherents.com/lit/comics/Dust.html]Dust, X-Men[/url]
so, seriously
what measures do you all plan to take before you get married to ensure it is a perfect match?
damn right...i know this girl who had a love marriage BUT after having
wed the guy she loved they didnt get on coz her husband wanted her to
do hijaab and she didnt like that idea...
she realised the guy she loved was to religious for her, she didnt know him well enough
so he ended up beating her and sent her home with a broken tooth
sad case..both looked SOSO happy on their wedding
Willingness to negotiate and compromise would be a good measure.
And a dash of oregano
no offence but that guy sounds anything BUT religious... no 'religious' guy would beat a woman fullstop! (or date her before marrying) :roll:
[size=9]I NEVER WORE IT BECAUSE OF THE TALIBAN, MOTHER. I LIKE THE [b]MODESTY[/b] AND [b]PROTECTION[/b] IT AFFORDS ME FROM THE EYES OF MEN.[/size] [url=http://www.adherents.com/lit/comics/Dust.html]Dust, X-Men[/url]
[size=9]I NEVER WORE IT BECAUSE OF THE TALIBAN, MOTHER. I LIKE THE [b]MODESTY[/b] AND [b]PROTECTION[/b] IT AFFORDS ME FROM THE EYES OF MEN.[/size] [url=http://www.adherents.com/lit/comics/Dust.html]Dust, X-Men[/url]
Did he?
What wierded you out?
Do share, so we can help you overcome the wierded out-ness.
Ohh I think I know what it was...
Is it something we all agreed should (and did) stop?
Because that was mighty creepy
And what might that have been?
Cocaine.
We all decided enough was enough.
[size=7]i'm not telling because you called me snobby - so there.[/size]
So did everyone else on the forum.
[size=5]Even if they didn't say it, they do think it. [/size]
[size=7]we already voted on this[/size]
No seriously though I wouldn't want to say on the forum because it could be insulting to the people who were doing it.
theres only so much one can do, at the end of the day we're only human biengs, u cant look at any person and be 100% sure they're right for u... but u can be atleast 90% sure.
but when uv found someone who seems 90% right then ofcourse there's istikhaara, Allah (s.w.t) KNOWS if he's really right for u! at the end of the day, its all about having trust in Allah - i remember a sister on this forum saying that she didnt even seen her hubby before getting married, she put her trust in Allah, and they have a happy marriage!
Allah (s.w.t) says in the Quran:
"It is He Who created you from a single person, and made his mate [b]of like nature[/b], in order that he might dwell with her (in love)." (7:189)
so if we're expecting to get Mr. Right, we have to work on our character too!
[size=9]I NEVER WORE IT BECAUSE OF THE TALIBAN, MOTHER. I LIKE THE [b]MODESTY[/b] AND [b]PROTECTION[/b] IT AFFORDS ME FROM THE EYES OF MEN.[/size] [url=http://www.adherents.com/lit/comics/Dust.html]Dust, X-Men[/url]
Salam
Evidently, she was dating him quite successfully.
They had a cosy relationship.
Why bring God into it and anger Him ?
You shouldn't anger the Almighty and seriously expect to get away with it.
Furbal. Tell her this: Nobody dodge the Ultimate Boss.
Omrow
guys she wasnt dating him :roll:
she had her parents blessings-she was getting to know him
NOT ALONE obvioulsy
I'd hire a private detective and get all my mates to try it on with him to see what he's REALLY like
I'd lay traps to see how he reacts e.g accidently/on purpose drop hot tea on him
accidently/on purpose scratch his car etc etc
u get the drift
oh, i assumed they were going out
my mum says same thing. she is adamant the guy i marry, we have a long engagement and get to know each other properly, and the family gets to know each other before we get married.
thats not haram is it? hmm, and i suppose you can call off an engagement easier than you can a marriage if you find you are not compatible
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