HOW TO GET OUT OF AN ARRANGED MARRAIGE PLEASE HELP!!

Ramz —

I'm a bengali girl looking to get married to my Pakistani boyfriend. My desi parents are trying to set me up with desi guys. :roll:

I have to sit through meetings with greasy desi's. I don't believe in arranged marraiges so how can I explain to my desi parents that I only want to marry for love?

Any advice will be appreciated.

Forum

You — Thu, 17 Nov 2005 - 20:38

After a full divorce (either saying you are divorced thrice, or even saying it once and waiting for the required period), you cannot remarry unless the woman has married and divorced another.

And temporary marriages are not allowed.

PS saying I divorce you three times in the whole term of marriage annulls the marriage.

This is not a topic that should be messed around with, or joked about as it is very easy to cross the line.

Seraphim — Thu, 17 Nov 2005 - 20:42

[quote="Admin"]After a full divorce (either saying you are divorced thrice, or even saying it once and waiting for the required period), you cannot remarry unless the woman has married and divorced another.

And temporary marriages are not allowed.

PS saying I divorce you three times in the whole term of marriage annulls the marriage.

This is not a topic that should be messed around with, or joked about as it is very easy to cross the line.[/quote]

Too tru Admin, but what if it is said in the heat of the moment? Does that count? Does a number of witnesses need to be present? Do anyone have to sign something?

You — Thu, 17 Nov 2005 - 20:44

No witness needed. No need to sign anything.

In the heat of the moment?

There is dispute, but almost everyone says it still counts.

(you have to be in control of your actions... and in the heat of the monent you still are. I think madness is the only exception.)

Seraphim — Thu, 17 Nov 2005 - 21:10

[quote="Admin"]No witness needed. No need to sign anything.

In the heat of the moment?

There is dispute, but almost everyone says it still counts.

(you have to be in control of your actions... and in the heat of the monent you still are. I think madness is the only exception.)[/quote]

hhmmm

madness you say..... dangerious and mysterious this puzzle is.

Another [b]Question[/b]

In Islam does a court marriage count?
[size=9]Plz note i hav no idea as to whats involved in a court marriage... im going off the assumption that the couple go b4 a judge wit 2 witness and dats dat.[/size]

Medarris — Thu, 17 Nov 2005 - 21:24

in the heat of moment, in anger, in depression in everything the talaaq stand. If the talaaq are said three times in one sitting then this counts as three talaaqs. It was ONLY Shaykh Ibn Taymiyyah alayhi rahmah who said that three talaaq in one sitting are counted as on talaaq, ppl should be aware of this and not make the deen a mockery.

Admin, I was under impression if he gives one talaaq and lets it take effect, then even he may marry her without her having gone to another.

MuslimSisLilSis — Thu, 17 Nov 2005 - 21:51

its true that them hanafi couples who are involved in Zina-parents dont allow the marraige to go ahead should just go ahead and get married

even tho I'm against eloping and breaking parents heart

if peope cant control themselves they should just marry

Medarris — Thu, 17 Nov 2005 - 23:05

[quote="MuslimSisLilSis"]its true that them hanafi couples who are involved in Zina-parents dont allow the marraige to go ahead should just go ahead and get married

even tho I'm against eloping and breaking parents heart

if peope cant control themselves they should just marry[/quote]

yes, but if there is grounds for the father to contest incompatibility, then their ''nikah'' holds little value, it will remain an illicit relationship in the hanafi madhab.

You — Fri, 18 Nov 2005 - 00:15

[quote="Med"]Admin, I was under impression if he gives one talaaq and lets it take effect, then even he may marry her without her having gone to another.[/quote]

Only within the divore timeframe. which is between 3 and 9 months. if the divorce is not anulled in that timeframe after 1 citation of divorce, the marriage is anulled.

The best way of divorce is a single utterance. the worst three utterances in one go.

Seraph: what is a court marriage? if they did nikah (the engagement... you know the I do stuff), it is valid. if not, it is not. Any ceremonies before or after this are just that. ceremonies. The nikah is the actual marriage. that only needs four witnesses and the I do'd.

MuslimSister — Fri, 18 Nov 2005 - 10:27

[quote="Med"]

yes, but if there is grounds for the father to contest incompatibility, then their ''nikah'' holds little value, it will remain an illicit relationship in the hanafi madhab.[/quote]

And on what grounds can the father determine whether or not the husband and wife are incompatible with one another?

Social reasons? economic reasons? Cultural reasons? Racial/national reasons?

But anyway, your entitled to your view however thats not what I was taught.

Medarris — Fri, 18 Nov 2005 - 14:54

[quote="MuslimSister"]

Social reasons? economic reasons? Cultural reasons? Racial/national reasons?

But anyway, your entitled to your view however thats not what I was taught.[/quote]

kafa'ah is indeed an integral part of hanafi fiqh in regards to nikah. I advise you perhaps consult an alim, or atleast raise this issue of what is kafa'ah before making a final decision.

The issue is complex and a number of ulama differ as to what is regarded as compatibile and what is incompatible.

Eg one case I am certain of.

A Syeda marries a GhayrSyed without parental consent. The father if he refuses to accept the marriage, the marriage stands null and void, in hanafi madhab a syeda marrying a ghayrsyed without the consent of her guardian is not worth the nikah namah its written on.

Having said that, if the boy is ghayr syed but is siddiqi/farooqi/uthmani,ghani/alawi then according to some the marriage will still be valid even if the guardian opposes it. This is because it is agreed that these families hold a close relationship and are by and large compatible, however a group of the Respected Ulama are of the view that without guardians consent, marriage into one of these families by a syeda is still not valid or acceptable.

This is the sharia, in the law of the land (wherever that maybe eg uk, or pak) the marriage will be acknowledged but in the shariah such a nikah has no meaning and is nothing.

MuslimSister — Fri, 18 Nov 2005 - 14:56

[quote="Med"][quote="MuslimSister"]

Social reasons? economic reasons? Cultural reasons? Racial/national reasons?

But anyway, your entitled to your view however thats not what I was taught.[/quote]

kafa'ah is indeed an integral part of hanafi fiqh in regards to nikah. I advise you perhaps consult an alim, or atleast raise this issue of what is kafa'ah before making a final decision.

.[/quote]

I was informed this by a Scholar. However, I will respect the fact that differences of opinion do exist.

MuslimSister — Fri, 18 Nov 2005 - 15:01

[quote="Med"][quote]

I was informed this by a Scholar. However, I will respect the fact that differences of opinion do exist.[/quote]

k, I only know of the hanafi fiqh in this issue.[/quote]

And I only raised the Hanafi view point. But I am aware that differences of opinion exist.

The fact that the Wali is against the marraige in the first place shows that he feels that his daughter wouldnt be compatible with the guy...if this wasnt the case then why would the daughter feel the need to get married without his consent?

Medarris — Fri, 18 Nov 2005 - 15:16

[quote="MuslimSister"]

And I only raised the Hanafi view point. But I am aware that differences of opinion exist.

[/quote]

really

[quote="MuslimSister"]
The fact that the Wali is against the marraige in the first place shows that he feels that his daughter wouldnt be compatible with the guy...if this wasnt the case then why would the daughter feel the need to get married without his consent?[/quote]

I dont understand the point of this question. Is the implication that there is no relevance for kafa'ah because the reason the wali rejects her marrying som1 is because he doubts its compatibility, and hence what is the relavance of hanafi ruling that the mature lady may marry herself?

If that is the implication then I would have to challenge the view that the reason a wali might reject a proposal is due to his not thinking there is compatibility, his criterio for compatibility may be in the extreme, or he may have decided on a person who he thinks the girl MUST marry. The issue if kafa'ah is taken with the consultation of ulama and GOD FEARING ulama who are experienceed not some new graduate alims. This is the issue of nikah and must be dealt with by relevant authorities.

i THINK i have made my point.

You — Fri, 18 Nov 2005 - 19:04

[quote="Med"]Eg one case I am certain of.

A Syeda marries a GhayrSyed without parental consent. The father if he refuses to accept the marriage, the marriage stands null and void, in hanafi madhab a syeda marrying a ghayr syed without the consent of her guardian is not worth the nikah namah its written on.
[/quote]

Here, not only is the father denying his daughter her right, he is also activly racist.

He should be publically made accountable for his racism.

In your opinion the hanafi opinion is that the marriage is null. According to others the hanafi opinion is not nul and void. So can you not go into absolutes.

I do not know. But both sides have consulted scholars.

MuslimSisLilSis — Fri, 18 Nov 2005 - 19:15

[quote="Admin"][quote="Med"]Eg one case I am certain of.

A Syeda marries a GhayrSyed without parental consent. The father if he refuses to accept the marriage, the marriage stands null and void, in hanafi madhab a syeda marrying a ghayr syed without the consent of her guardian is not worth the nikah namah its written on.
[/quote]

Here, not only is the father denying his daughter her right, he is also activly racist.

He should be publically made accountable for his racism.

.[/quote]

I AGREE!!!

btw open Q to all

is a non religious syed guy considered better then a religious non syed?

You — Fri, 18 Nov 2005 - 19:47

I mostly use google for quotes.

I have studied you know!

It is just i remember principle, and not the actual facts, so I need to brush up when asked a qestion...

and is it me or is google giving alot more false positives?

Medarris — Fri, 18 Nov 2005 - 23:04

this issue regarding syed and ghayr syed is in relation to kafa'ah of a marriage in which the guardian of the girl has not approved. As stated there is difference of opinion, people would be wise to respect that rather than accuse it of being merely racism.