maybe they not even aware that they forcing you?

It could be a whole range of things. If for example I found a girl, my parents would be ok with that, but if I found a girl by being intimate with her then I would lose that love and errspect they have for me.

They wud let me marry her, even support it, but they wud be disappoited in me going abt it the rong way.

But, im not in that situation either, so I dnt knw why im even writing in thsi topic. I think IM a bit mad.

Good night. Ramz, good luck. I think you will find it in yourself to be very courageous, powerful and inspiring. You can love your parents no matter what, they got you this far.

LIFE is a ROLLERCOASTER u just gotta RIDE IN.....

"Med" wrote:

maybe they not even aware that they forcing you?

She has tried to get them to marry her to this bloke.

They say no you gotta marry this other bloke.

She says she in love with bloke 1.

They say tough luck... We have already arrange for you this other bloke.

Ofcourse they know.

Quote:

...I am a bit mad.

I agree.

As I said earlier someone if not everyone will get hurt. Now she may be involved in an illicit relationship. She needs to either make it halaal, or break it off.

"Admin" wrote:

. She needs to either make it halaal, or break it off.

true

My point abt the parents, was not specifically to the parents of Ramz, it was general. Sometimes it might be that the parents have arranged a marriage for the child and the child agreed, but then at later stage child changes his/her mind, but cant pluck up courage to say cos things have gone too far. So, in this case, parents arent even forcing child, but nor is there a way out.

Ramz what is your b/f like? Do u think there is any chance they can like him? I think you should tell your parents about him and arrange for the guy and his family to come round?

What about the other question:

Is HIS family gonna accept you? does that make a diference? to him or to you?

a friend of mine is in the same position. His parents have pleaded with her parents. Her parents are being totally unreasonable. She has been beaten by her siblings, her parents are well aware. Amidst all this they're trying to force her to marry one of many suitors coming in and out the house every other weekend.

Of course I've told her tell them you don't want to get married right now, you're not ready. When you're ready you will choose someone you like, rather than someone they like. But they sure as hell ain't listening.

She doesn't want to lose her family so she won't leave. In particular she doesn't want to live a life without any siblings. When she has kids no grandparents for her kids. I can understand that, but then again I don't want her to commit to a marriage she doesn't desire. I don't see why she should put up with the beatings. Frankly if i was her I'd have left, no one is gona beat me and get away with it.

So it's not as easy as some of you lot are making out. btw my sister was forced into an arranged marriage. I count myself lucky that my parents have since changed their views, and are more willing to let the rest of their kids choose who they marry. They have realised kids nowadays have a different way of thinking. Mainly because they've seen so many other bengali parents forcing their kids into marriage, only to be divorced a few weeks later. They know it doesn't work and doesn't lead to happiness.

I pray that ramz's parents aren't so harsh as my friends. I pray that they accept her boyfriend. But who knows what will happen. Allah knows best.

why don't you just convert this guy to bengali, i'm sure your parents will then love him too.

loooooooool. How can you convert to being a bengali

SWEET - A PAKI & A BENGALI WOW!!!!!!!!!!!! DATS DA PROBLEM UR PARENTS AINT WORRIED BOUT HIS RELIGIOUS BACKGROUND BUT ARE MORE IN2 HIS CULTURAL BACKGROUND. PAKIZ N BENGALIZ DONT GO 2GVA AINT U HEARD IT NVA WORKS (YEA M8 ITS A LOADA S***!} COZ IT DOES WORK TRUST! IT WORKS ITZ JUS PARENTS JUS NEED TO B UPDATED WID OUR CENTURY THEY THINK 2 MUCH AND C CULTURE 1ST RATHER THAN RELIGION.... SO.........BEAT THEM AT THEIR OWN GAME & GIVE EM A LECTURE ON THE SAYINZ OF THE HOLY PROPHET SAWS, DAT WAY THEY'L KNO WATS MORE IMPORTANT N DAT IS RELIGION IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN CULTURAL BACKGROUND WEN CHOOSIN A LIFE PARTNER FOR ONEZ DAUGHTER O SON. SORI IF I SOUND HARSH BUT DATZ DA WAY I C IT AND ITZ A EASY WAY OUT COZ NO PARENTS LIKE 2 BE SHOWED UP BY THEIR OWN CHILD ESPECIALLY WEN ITZ BACKED UP BY RELIGION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

erm..fo can you please lower your caps, it's hard to read your posts. Thanx.

Sori dont mean to jus does it widout realizin it. oh by da way are you sylheti yash?

yeah can't you tell my Bengali is terrible lool. I wish I could speak like the Dhaka Bengalis, sounds beautiful.

yash your lucky you can speak it at least i did bengali gcse and got a grade D how embarassin and i cant understand dhakai ppl they confuse me :? can you speak bengali properly o jus a lil bit

I can speak it, but i don't think i'm that fluent. Like if someone from back home said something rude to me i wouldn't be able to find the right words to reply, coz i just don't know them. The only way to sort that out is take a trip to Bangladesh, i've never been there not so keen anymore. If I went would like to go to Dhaka, there's a beautiful mosque over there. But ppl are always out to get you over there, my brother says they're way too sly lot of corruption from the police too. That scares me. And a lot of poverty, it's the first thing you see apparently.

I used to go wkend classes, but I never took it too seriously neither did my parents. Coz i would have got a good beating if they really cared It was a good laugh ahh memories lool. I was pretty good at it though I should have been more serious. Funny i'm thinking of learning it now, could be useful dawah to my parents and other elders

"yashmaki" wrote:

yeah can't you tell my Bengali is terrible lool. I wish I could speak like the Dhaka Bengalis, sounds beautiful.

is it tru, people from Sylohette (cant spell it) and people from Dhakka dont get on? some kinda rivalry or hatred?

anyone been to bamboo bridge in bangladesh?

amee shaesh, botleey enda-mathaa lol

"f020855" wrote:

SWEET - A PAKI & A BENGALI WOW!!!!!!!!!!!! DATS DA PROBLEM UR PARENTS AINT WORRIED BOUT HIS RELIGIOUS BACKGROUND BUT ARE MORE IN2 HIS CULTURAL BACKGROUND. PAKIZ N BENGALIZ DONT GO 2GVA AINT U HEARD IT NVA WORKS (YEA M8 ITS A LOADA S***!} COZ IT DOES WORK TRUST! IT WORKS ITZ JUS PARENTS JUS NEED TO B UPDATED WID OUR CENTURY THEY THINK 2 MUCH AND C CULTURE 1ST RATHER THAN RELIGION.... SO.........BEAT THEM AT THEIR OWN GAME & GIVE EM A LECTURE ON THE SAYINZ OF THE HOLY PROPHET SAWS, DAT WAY THEY'L KNO WATS MORE IMPORTANT N DAT IS RELIGION IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN CULTURAL BACKGROUND WEN CHOOSIN A LIFE PARTNER FOR ONEZ DAUGHTER O SON. SORI IF I SOUND HARSH BUT DATZ DA WAY I C IT AND ITZ A EASY WAY OUT COZ NO PARENTS LIKE 2 BE SHOWED UP BY THEIR OWN CHILD ESPECIALLY WEN ITZ BACKED UP BY RELIGION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

it would work if the guy ur marrying is 'religous' or realy shareef

if hes the average joe or the typical so and so, good luck with that arguement

seriously tho, no offence to any1 here...or aimed at any1 here......but y are people so disrespectful to parents? they do have say you know, and they should be treated with respect

most of time, its lack of understanding between the kids and parents, or that missing link which bonds them

i go with LilSis on this issue...........whilst i do believe in TRUE love, theres no need to be all dramatical about things.........no-one is worth upsetting my beloved, precious, one-of-a-kind, one in a million, super talented [b]MUM[/b]

well each thinks the other is more superior, load of nonsense really. Dhaka ppl can be very westernised, and syhletis tend not to like this. My sis in law says syhletis may look poor but they own the majority of business' in Bangladesh, they're rich. Dhaka folks don't like this. How true this is I duno.

Dhaka ppl seem more educated, and wealthy to me. You can see the difference between the cities instantly.

I reckon the main hatred is due to the fact that dhaka is much more westernised, religion doesn't even make a feature. They seem to be more immersed in hindu traditions aswell. Even in appearance you could easily mistake the ladies for hindu women.

Purdah is seen more in syhlet, even though it's still largely a secular country.

That's my view duno what the other bengalis think

we should move this discussion to "whats ya background" before we get in trouble :shock:

What is this, lets discuss bangladesh forum, or fishes forever?

J/k

I dnt agree with whoever said if they got beats they would run off. I think the girl, whoever she is, who is getting beats should be told to stay at home and sort it out.

Siblings sometimes do beat up each other if they are perceieved to have done something wrong. I know loads of my cousins got beats from their older bros/sistas and my aunts and uncles aswell who are younger used to get sorted out by the older cousins. Its the way of the world.

Salaam

In this dilemma there are only few options…neither one of them are easy.

One can either defy their parents and marry the guy behind their back or they can sacrifice their love for the sake of their parents.

Depending on the individual everyone will choose a different option…personally I’m inclined to the latter. This is cos I can’t be happy if my parents are hurting because of me…..

But everyone is different…there is no back or white answer.

However, what is wrong is continuing a haraam relationship…having feelings for someone is something out of ones control however one can control their actions.

..If you are dating him (linking him secretly, doing stuff etc etc)…why should anything go in your favour? If you’re not listening to Him (swt)…why should He listen to you?

As it has already been mentioned…marry him or dump him…don’t continue this relationship.

p.s you had been added on MSN. But I very, very rarely come online….just email me.

x

Wasalaam

"Med" wrote:

I dnt agree with whoever said if they got beats they would run off.

Those who are brutally beaten up often do run off. Thats a fact.

I know numerous people who did that.

"MuslimSister" wrote:

"Med" wrote:

I dnt agree with whoever said if they got beats they would run off.

Those who are brutally beaten up often do run off. Thats a fact.

I know numerous people who did that.

even I know its a fact, doesnt mean its a fact that I like.

"MuslimSisLilSis" wrote:

I would NEVER choose to be with someone at the expense of my parents happiness if they aint happy with me then I aint happy either

I cant understand how individuals are able to choose :?:
BETWEEN
the person they have loved for a few years (maybe/if that)
AND
the 2 most significant, important, vital, respected people in thier lives who they have loved for years and years and years lol...i.e. their parents?... :roll:

WHY AND HOW is it possible to choose your own happiness over the happiness of the parents who brought you into this world, who have been there for you throughout your life?...

Is it possible in reality to be happy once you have disrespected, hurt and gone against the wishes and happiness of YOUR parents?

nah i dint think so either :twisted:

Salaam,

I understand what everybody is saying regarding the fact that the relationship between the girl and her parents wont stay the same if they grudgingly allow her to marry this guy but i dont agree with that

i know a lot of parents who have grudgingly let their daughter or son get married to their own choice and used phrases such as 'ive disowned him/her' etc but today they are mashALLAH really happy!

I even know of people who have run away and got married and their parents have disowned them but a year or couple of years down the line they have got back in touch and are now living as one happy family. [b]im not in any way suggesting that u should do any of these things ramz, in fact far from it i dont think any guy is worth upsetting ur parents over[/b]

Ive heard of many occasions where a bengalli girl married to a pakistani guy or vice versa. They wanted to get married and she approached her parents but they were not happy with it at all, they told her to end things and she did. But they eventually carried on seeing each other and both got decent enough jobs and saved up and then the guys dad approached her dad and he eventually agreed with no fuss! and today MashAllah they are extremely happy

I think that is what u need to do, u need to first of all set urself up, ask ur boyfreind to approach his parents to approach urs? or get a third person involved? show ur them that u and ur boyfreind are committed to each other

"flower" wrote:

I even know of people who have run away and got married and their parents have disowned them but a year or couple of years down the line they have got back in touch and are now living as one happy family.

Question : Is KNOWINGLY hurting your parents the right thing to do regardles to whether your parents will understand and compromise in a few years time?...

Answer:

"MuSlImAh786" wrote:

"flower" wrote:

I even know of people who have run away and got married and their parents have disowned them but a year or couple of years down the line they have got back in touch and are now living as one happy family.

Question : Is KNOWINGLY hurting your parents the right thing to do regardles to whether your parents will understand and compromise in a few years time?...

Answer:

I think the answer is knowingly hurting your parents is wrong....its like disrepecting them. after all they have done for you, you throw it back in their face by doin somethin to them.

In Islam hurting someones feelings is a very bad thing and doin that to sum1 who has a high status in the eyes of islam is worse.

"MuslimSisLilSis" wrote:

TEN HOT TIPS ON HOW TO GET OUT OF AN ARRANGED MARRAIGE

1-Uni Bum

staying on in higher Education is very succesful in avoiding an arranged marraige all u have to do is get into Uni (thats easy-just choose sociology :twisted: )

Work hard in ur first year, take a year out to travel, complete sec year, take another year out to travel, finish ur last year, mess up ur last semester (just tell ur teachers that ur emotionally traumatised by ur parents trying to force u into marraige :twisted: )

take a year our to travel, do ur masters, then ur FINISHED!, take a year out again, spend some time "struggling" to establish urself

by this time u shoud be 29 or 30 well past the sell by date-ur parents will be so desperate to get rid of u they will wed u to whoever u want

2-You dark horse

As an asian u should know that no guy wants a girl who is darker then the average cup of chai. So visit the tanning salon, wear gold to make u look darker :twisted: and put on weight

if ur not "slim and white" then no one will want to marry u

3-Holy Moly

No one wants to marry a religious extremist. Sprout views of terrorism and everyone will run away frm u

4-Be A bum

If ur a guy-get a crap job. No dad will give u his daughter. And if ur a girl do NOT learn how to cook and clean and make ur extreme radical feminist views clear. No guy will want you

5-BE HEARTLESS

just tell the guy/girl that ur parents are trying to set u up with that u NOT INTRESTED. do everything under the sun to make them go off u

6-Big up single life

tell ur parents that remaining unmarried is good for u as an evil son/daughter in law will just "take u away from ur darling parents"

7-Commit suicide

this is a great cry for help. It gets ur point across and parents realise how serious u are. There's one draw back though.

Your dead.

8-Dress Down

If u a guy dress either like a freshi or a black guy. If your a girl dress like a tart-whilst guys do like to bog at such woman-no guy will make u his wife

9-Insult the potential mother in law

Nuf said.

10-Just say NO!!!

if ur a girl and ur parents are strict then just call up someone-either a scholar or an organisation that will help u out of this mess

if ur a guy, just be a MAN and put ur foot down. After all what can they really do?

But just remember after u have said no NEVER take a holiday back home. unless ur really stupid and cant see whats being plotted.

GOOD LUCK

That the funny girl that i remember posting here . You and your sister come out with the funniest senarios.

On Ramz problems and I emphasis that you have more then one problem, I think it best to have patience in this situation, anyone who your parent are trying to marry you too, explain the sitation to him and I sure he won't go ahead with it, why would he want too. Look for someone (a go betwen) who will make the situation easier for you and your parents. You got enough good advice already, you just need to be of a sound mind to take it in.

That's really good advice ~ any decent guy would back out of the marriage if he knew about this.

It's also more honesty than trying to scheme up some sort trick.

"MuslimSisLilSis" wrote:

1-Uni Bum

staying on in higher Education is very succesful in avoiding an arranged marraige all u have to do is get into Uni (thats easy-just choose sociology :twisted: )

Work hard in ur first year, take a year out to travel, complete sec year, take another year out to travel, finish ur last year, mess up ur last semester (just tell ur teachers that ur emotionally traumatised by ur parents trying to force u into marraige :twisted: )

take a year our to travel, do ur masters, then ur FINISHED!, take a year out again, spend some time "struggling" to establish urself

by this time u shoud be 29 or 30 well past the sell by date-ur parents will be so desperate to get rid of u they will wed u to whoever u want

I thought I'd try staying in uni forever and ever, but it won't work for me.

Seeing as I'm the eldest, soon there will be no more space for me in the house.

I'll have to move out. And I can't move out and not be married.