Adoption

MuslimSister —

Salaam

The Asian community does have a lot to be proud of…

As a community we welcome strangers into our home, we never leave guests without feeding them, we have unshakable family values and many are fiercely passionate about our culture.

So why is it that when it comes to the idea of adopting a child/baby all alone in the world, we don’t want to know?

Most of us have been lucky enough to have a mum and dad who we’ve taken for granted.

If someone has been trying for years and is unable to have a baby…is there something wrong with adopting a child?

I think adoption is largely a taboo act…a lady was telling me that if the parents gave their child up for adoption then obviously its cos the child’s past is shameful…..

But does it really matter how the child came in the world?

Is it right to hold an innocent child accountable for what his/her parents have done?

I know Islam says a lot about orphans and their rights…but I’m not sure what Islam says about adopting children.

A family friend of mine is desperate for a baby and she’s been married for 10 years…it’s a lonely life, but I really don’t understand why she just doesn’t adopt.

Is our love only for our “own”?

And does religion play a part in this? Naturally one would want to bring up their child as a Muslim…however say that child was mature and wished to stick to his/her own faith, would it be right to allow this?

The main issue that confuses me is that of this Mehram/Non Mehram issue….hypothetically speaking would I need to do pardah in front of my adopted son? Would sisters need to do pardah in front of their brother who was adopted?

…is the above mentioned reason, the reason why Muslims shy away from adoption?

Share your thoughts.

Wasalaam

Forum

*DUST* — Tue, 29 Nov 2005 - 18:02

[quote="MuslimSisLilSis"][quote="Darth V-Hayder"]

dont know what the rest of this thread said, but i now defo know that a woman HAS to do pardah from an adopted child[/quote]

I thought so

thats HARD :?

the first thing I do when i get home is take my scarf off-its not easy cvering ur hair[/quote]not if she happens to have suckled the child...

Sirus — Tue, 29 Nov 2005 - 19:56

from what i know, and i asked this to a Shaykh

if the child is not blood, i.e not your son or newphew/niece or along those lines.......they are a non-mahram

once they hit thier teens.....u have to do Pardah from them

Sirus — Tue, 29 Nov 2005 - 21:40

[quote="MuslimSisLilSis"]really? :?

even if they been suckled? - u sure?[/quote]
From what i gathered from SHaykh Ramzan Qadri, yeah Pardah

but i will clarify that by the New Year for you Inshallah 🙂

*DUST* — Tue, 29 Nov 2005 - 21:56

[quote="Darth V-Hayder"][quote="MuslimSisLilSis"]really? :?

even if they been suckled? - u sure?[/quote]
From what i gathered from SHaykh Ramzan Qadri, yeah Pardah

but i will clarify that by the New Year for you Inshallah :)[/quote]
no. if a child has been suckled, the lady who did so is then his 'foster-mother' and her and her children become mahrem to the child, they are called his 'milk-brothers/sisters' (dawood wud love that term!). for e.g. Haleema was foster mother of the Prophet (s.a.w) she and her children were his mahrems.

Sirus — Tue, 29 Nov 2005 - 21:59

oh ryt

well im gonna ask this and find out

MuslimSisLilSis — Tue, 29 Nov 2005 - 21:59

[quote="Aasiyah"]
no. if a child has been suckled, the lady who did so is then his 'foster-mother' and her and her children become mahrem to the child, they are called his 'milk-brothers/sisters' (dawood wud love that term!). for e.g. Haleema was foster mother of the Prophet (s.a.w) she and her children were his mahrems.[/quote]

that makes sense to me

but ask him anyway

he might be coming to our new year eve zikr programme this year

judda — Wed, 30 Nov 2005 - 09:57

[quote="MuslimSisLilSis"]Dave ur so not in my good books today :evil:

a person doesnt HAVE to be an orphan to feel for the orphans

a person doesnt HAVE to be an oppressed woman to feel for the oppressed women

compassion towards woman and children is NATURAL in any decent human

comprehende?[/quote]

He believes Muhammad was a false prophet who copied the bible. He feels that Muhammad’s experience with women and orphans made him compassionate towards them. He believes that Muhammad was promoting his own set of laws and not God’s laws.

Dave — Wed, 30 Nov 2005 - 18:39

[quote="Judda"]do u [i]really[/i] look like that :?:[/quote]

Judda Judda Judda

Would I lie to you?

laila — Wed, 30 Nov 2005 - 20:08

[quote="Seraph"]

Not really Seema.

Compassion is a luxury reserved for the worthy. I wouldnt spare it on "bad" people. I may "empathise" with them... but not "sympathise"... these "bad" people pray on good peoples "compassion" ...

i will be just but not compassionate to them.[/quote]

what you have said is axactly the kind of thing we Muslims i feel should be speaking against

IMO the most worthy and in need of our compassion are those perceived as bad - because i am bad that is why i rely on the mercy of Allah and if i cannot extend my mercy to all humans then i feel i am not worthy of Allah's mercy

so in short i feel if we are merciful then Allah will be merciful to us and to be honest there is nothing more i need then Allah's mercy

Dawud — Wed, 30 Nov 2005 - 20:18

[quote="Ahlul Sheesha"]oh ryt

well im gonna ask this and find out[/quote]

Its true, there is alot of barakah in milk, I remember once when I was fought to the ground by this by big white guy, who then pierced me through my body with a metal stick, skewering me to the grid like floor. If it hadn't been for a handy carton of fresh, cool, creamy, fragrant, pure, silky, flowing milk I might not have been able to reach over the overhang underneath my torso and grab the steel pole yank it out through the floor, grab my grenade launcher and put an end to the menace once and for all.

Angel — Thu, 1 Dec 2005 - 00:05

[quote="Dawud"][quote="Ahlul Sheesha"]oh ryt

well im gonna ask this and find out[/quote]

Its true, there is alot of barakah in milk, I remember once when I was fought to the ground by this by big white guy, who then pierced me through my body with a metal stick, skewering me to the grid like floor. If it hadn't been for a handy carton of fresh, cool, creamy, fragrant, pure, silky, flowing milk I might not have been able to reach over the overhang underneath my torso and grab the steel pole yank it out through the floor, grab my grenade launcher and put an end to the menace once and for all.[/quote]

wow someone lets their imagination run wild :shock:

laila — Thu, 1 Dec 2005 - 21:07

[quote="angel"]Seema if you dont mind me askin how young was your son when you adopted him?[/quote]

of course not dear Angel two and a half. now hes 3 and a half

Angel — Thu, 1 Dec 2005 - 23:08

[quote="seema*"][quote="angel"]Seema if you dont mind me askin how young was your son when you adopted him?[/quote]

of course not dear Angel two and a half. now hes 3 and a half[/quote]

awwwww mashallah thats so cute, he must be at that really cheeky age, well i supose my niece is a brat shes four but kids are really clever and curious at that age and learn a lot. It must be a joy watching him.

laila — Thu, 1 Dec 2005 - 23:11

you're absolutely right Angel he is a joy a 100% joy

Sirus — Fri, 2 Dec 2005 - 00:48

Mashallah

Go Seemo 8)

Dave — Fri, 2 Dec 2005 - 01:34

[quote="Ahlul Halwa"]adopt an orphan every1, if you know ist possible

even if you have your own kids

dont know what the rest of this thread said, but i now defo know that a woman HAS to do pardah from an adopted child[/quote]

I was actually thinking of it pretty seriously - especially girls generally are not wanted for adoption, just a cultural stigma.

And many get exploited anyway (hope woody allen burns in hell)

It's pretty tragic

laila — Fri, 2 Dec 2005 - 12:05

constant you've said this before about certain pls not adopting girls i dont know about other areas but in our area girls were hard to find since they were so popular with adopters -

i wanted a girl and especially my husband and his family wanted a girl cos they love them more (which is unfair on the boys) because it is widely believed by adopters girls are easier to look after

i agree with that to an extent ie behaviour etc

still i am very happy that they at least gave me child

in china though and other counties things might be different considering that more girls are given up for adoption

MuslimSisLilSis — Fri, 2 Dec 2005 - 12:08

i agree with u seems

I'd think its only natural to wish for a cute little girl

them people who hold sexist stigma's about kids arent the sort to who adobt in the first place

judda — Fri, 2 Dec 2005 - 16:15

[quote="Constantine"][quote="Judda"]do u [i]really[/i] look like that :?:[/quote]

Judda Judda Judda

Would I lie to you?[/quote]

put a pic of ur self and we will compare it to dat good looking dude

Dave — Fri, 2 Dec 2005 - 16:24

[quote="seema*"]constant you've said this before about certain pls not adopting girls i dont know about other areas but in our area girls were hard to find since they were so popular with adopters -

i wanted a girl and especially my husband and his family wanted a girl cos they love them more (which is unfair on the boys) because it is widely believed by adopters girls are easier to look after

i agree with that to an extent ie behaviour etc

still i am very happy that they at least gave me child

in china though and other counties things might be different considering that more girls are given up for adoption[/quote]

I'm just speaking in the US specifically where I live.

It was a big problem that people talked about in the DA's office a lot.

"nobody wants a black girl"

Sort of an ugly representation of the social stigmas that still exist but hide from full view.

Dave — Fri, 2 Dec 2005 - 16:25

[quote="Judda"]put a pic of ur self and we will compare it to dat good looking dude[/quote]

Judda - that [i]IS[/i] a picture of me.

I tried to do the same post as the piano man, except I put on my cowboy hat and green cape.

I was wearing an eye patch because it was halloween and I was going as a pirate.

judda — Fri, 2 Dec 2005 - 16:27

and u expect me to beleive that :roll:

I bet u got that pic from a good looking guy from a catalogue or summing…

Dave — Fri, 2 Dec 2005 - 16:29

[quote="Judda"]and u expect me to beleive that :roll:

I bet u got that pic from a good looking guy from a catalogue or summing…[/quote]

I have considered a career in modelling

judda — Fri, 2 Dec 2005 - 16:30

den y dont u

Dave — Fri, 2 Dec 2005 - 16:32

too much work to do

Fatima — Fri, 2 Dec 2005 - 19:03

[quote="MuslimSisLilSis"][quote="Darth V-Hayder"]

dont know what the rest of this thread said, but i now defo know that a woman HAS to do pardah from an adopted child[/quote]

I thought so

thats HARD :?

the first thing I do when i get home is take my scarf off-its not easy cvering ur hair[/quote]

Salaam

As for the above (I might be making a big assumption here) I think that it is probably one of the main reasons why muslims (esp asains) dont adopt children.

Eg a couple adopts a child, shower him/her with love and affection but when the child reaches the age of 12/13 one of the adoptive parents must do pardah.

IMO it is harder for women as they tend to be closer to their children in the sense that they show affection more readily for their children even when they are older.

Think about it, hypothetically speaking, guys if you were adopted then there would come a time when you would not be able to hug your mother 🙁 and vice versa for the girls.

May Allah (swt) grant our parents live a long life in this world, as we would be lost without them and may they enter the gates of paradise in the hereafter

Ameen

Wasalaam