Dispatches: When Cousins Marry

Hajjar —

Assalamu alaikum,

Anyone seen this documentary on 4od, i came across it today:

[video:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=img45feWCdQ]

Apparently concerns mostly Pakistanis, but also effects Bangladeshis and some of middle eastern dissent.

To tell the truth i thght bangladeshis had removed themselves from marrying cousins, and if they did it was not first cousins. Least thats how it is in my family and those around me none of us married cousins and ppl i know who have have married distant cousins, sadly against their wishes.

Islam permits cousin marriages, but in interests of health i have always been against first cousin marriages, its not like there are a shortage of suitable partners to go around. it seems more of a cultural practice. Is that right? Or do some ppl think its a religious requirement??

Forum

You — Fri, 27 Aug 2010 - 15:30

People brought over are not always angels either - they can be just as bad if not worse.

But I think there is also the impression in the elder generation that people over there are of better moral standind and character... Not always true.

Then again, the qur'an tells people to marry like for like (the pure for the pure, the fornicator for the fornicator etc), so trying to set up a drug addicted boozer to some simple girl from back home... not exactly a match made in heaven.

I think today's Let's Talk Show will be about marriage too.

TPOS — Fri, 27 Aug 2010 - 15:37

[quote=You]People brought over are not always angels either - they can be just as bad if not worse.

But I think there is also the impression in the elder generation that people over there are of better moral standind and character... Not always true.
[/quote]
yep :/

LookingToSee — Fri, 27 Aug 2010 - 18:34

Im not marrying my cousin!!!! He's not into religion enough!!

and like my mum said: she wants a different ethnicity for all her kids-in-laws. and you mustnt forget family feud.

all the above lead to one conclusion:

NOT HAPPENING!

MuslimBro — Fri, 27 Aug 2010 - 18:31

[quote=Lilly]and like my mum said: she wants a different ethnicity for all her kids-in-laws.NOT HAPPENING![/quote]
What would your mum say if you said that you wanted to marry a black guy?

LookingToSee — Fri, 27 Aug 2010 - 18:32

[quote=ThE pOwEr Of SiLeNcE]Calm down dear [it's only a commercial][/quote]

ohh..just looked at my post...seems pretty excited, going to edit and undo some capitalisation.

1R4M — Sat, 28 Aug 2010 - 21:55

[quote=Lilly]
But i think this is just my family...

Widening the gene pool much? I think yes...

COMMON COUSINS GET MARRIED ALREADY!! I wanna taste new food!!![/quote]

hahahaahaha

omg
so true

one of the best things about marrying outside
new food!

also
its mostly guys who wanna marry their cousins from abroad
cos
they dont want a life partner
they just want a domestc servant who will be subserviant and not answer back
HA!
little do they know...

girls tend to want someone from here, if theyre british born n bred
mostly
cos if theyre educated they dont wanna be married to a husband who cant provide for them or have a decent conversation with

I wouldnt mind marrying someone foreign
BUT
as long as I feel comfortable around them
and can talk to them

dont think I'll wanna marry a pakistani tho...

Hajjar — Sat, 28 Aug 2010 - 23:16

1r4m is spot on about everything in this post, especially about men in west wanting subservient wives, even though they may appear to be "modern" men.

Hajjar — Sat, 28 Aug 2010 - 23:25

which one the first one who refused to consider there may be a genetic link, or the last imam at end who preached to his congregation there was a link?

You — Sat, 28 Aug 2010 - 23:27

The first one didn't refuse to consider there was a link. He just refused to comment on something he did not know about.

I find that an admirable quality.

He was ambushed.

Hajjar — Sat, 28 Aug 2010 - 23:31

mmm ok i'll sort of agree with you. But i got the feeling he was still on the defensive side. like no matter what outcome there was even if there was a link there'd be too many pressures on him from the community so he wouldn't really speak out. i wonder if he ever did advise congregation on the genetic problems....

You — Sat, 28 Aug 2010 - 23:32

I agree with you.

I just didn't appreciate the manner it was done in the programme - the presenter was looking for a fight in a way.

Hajjar — Sat, 28 Aug 2010 - 23:36

yeah but thats her job, maybe her producers were pushing her to be a bit more pushy. i think at times she felt intimidated, especially since it was an all male audience she was interviewing most of the time, plus they were her elders. she was brave in my eyes i couldnt have done it.

it would have been good if the wives were interviewed away from their husbands, then you may have got their honest opinions on possible genetic links, instead i think they were spewing out what their husbands were saying, just nodding in agreement.

s.b.f — Sat, 28 Aug 2010 - 23:44

I was wondering what everyone's' opinion on first cousin marriages was.

1. The documentary focuses entirely on the medical disadvantages to this situations:

a)It is true that there is a lot of rare genetic disorders acquired due to intermarriages.

b) However, there are also lots of people marrying their first cousins without having any problems and their children are healthy.

2. The presenter was talking to the Imam/Shaykh (sorry, I don't know) and I felt she was intimidating. And he was way too defensive about not knowing anything on this topic. In this case, why did she not research someone who would know about the subject instead of finding one guy and then to conclude the situation with: 'we have not heard anything from him since.' which made it sound like Islam was somewhere in the blame for first cousin marriages.

3. What do you think are the benefits of marrying your first cousin?

4. What do you think are the disadvantages?

5. Are the benefits really worth it over the possible disadvantages?

Hajjar — Sat, 28 Aug 2010 - 23:57

ive noticed with programmes concerning muslims they never have a scholar with the appropriate knowledge. it's like they seek out intellectuals who know little or nothing about the subject to make the presenters argument stronger. i'm sure it's done on purpose. i mean for book reviews, movie reviews, analysis of prime ministers questions even sports they have the most elite critics around. But when it comes to anything concerning muslims or islam it is either an intellectual but with no sound info on the given subject, or a complete amateur like a random person calling in or emailing with their views.

TPOS — Sun, 29 Aug 2010 - 00:48

[quote=1R4M]also
its mostly guys who wanna marry their cousins from abroad
cos
they dont want a life partner
they just want a domestc servant who will be subserviant and not answer back
HA!
little do they know...
[/quote]
:|
Do you really believe that about guys?
Is this really true guys?
That's a really sad thing to say. I know there are some young men who are talked into marrying girls from abroad and agree just for the sake of it or whatever but older guys who actually understand and realise wht marriage means, i don't think they would just want someone who is their slave. There is more to wife than a woman who does the chores around the house and at the end of the day they will be sharing the rest of the life together, making their own families etc. :|

TPOS — Sun, 29 Aug 2010 - 01:12

[quote=s.b.f]

3. What do you think are the benefits of marrying your first cousin?

4. What do you think are the disadvantages?

[/quote]

The advantages include knowing the person before marriage, making stronger bonds between the family, apparently keeping the fortune in the family?

Disadvantages incude the possible genetic problems, if either the couple or the family have issues then everyone will be affected by them

there are probably more, thats just off the top of my head.

MuslimBro — Sun, 29 Aug 2010 - 01:14

[quote=ThE pOwEr Of SiLeNcE]Is this really true guys?[/quote]
For some men, yes.

There was a guy who came to our house (proposal for my sis). He basically wanted a wife who could look after his elderly parents and another condition was that she cannot work.

And this is a guy who is looking for such qualities in a British girl, not one from back home.

He was swiftly rejected by my sis.

1R4M — Sun, 29 Aug 2010 - 23:29

[quote=ThE pOwEr Of SiLeNcE]
:|
Do you really believe that about guys?
Is this really true guys?
That's a really sad thing to say. I know there are some young men who are talked into marrying girls from abroad and agree just for the sake of it or whatever but older guys who actually understand and realise wht marriage means, i don't think they would just want someone who is their slave. There is more to wife than a woman who does the chores around the house and at the end of the day they will be sharing the rest of the life together, making their own families etc. :|[/quote]

yea
dont get me wrong
guys can get forced into it
but
sometimes, when it comes to the crunch, theyll prefer to marry a girl from abroad

and yea
a wife is more than someone who cleans up after u
but unfortunately
some ppl dont see it like that

also
the whole "advantage" of cousin marriages being tha they know the families
thats BS
youll find that the girl/guy is just chosen for u to get a passport n uk citizenship

and what about when u know their families arent that nice
then what???
"better the devil u know than the devil u dontknow"????

how does it make a bond stronger
u already share DNA n blood groups!

TPOS — Sun, 29 Aug 2010 - 23:46

[quote=1R4M]
also the whole "advantage" of cousin marriages being tha they know the families thats BS you'll find that the girl/guy is just chosen for u to get a passport n uk citizenship [/quote]
I was talking in general and in the uk too, not just girls from abroad, the chances are the guy marrying from abroad won't even know the girl that well.
[quote=1R4M]
and what about when u know their families arent that nice
then what???
"better the devil u know than the devil u dontknow"????[/quote]
You'd be stupid to go into such a marriage :roll:

[quote=1R4M]
how does it make a bond stronger u already share DNA n blood groups![/quote]
Relationship-wise you would see each other more, have more "family time" and just be more "closer".

Sharing DNA doesn't = a strong family bond. Are adopted kids still close to their biological parents [generally!]?

Btw, Einstein married his first cousin.

LookingToSee — Sun, 29 Aug 2010 - 23:48

[quote=ThE pOwEr Of SiLeNcE]Btw, Einstein married his first cousin.[/quote]

YOU SAID IT!

and the whole makes bond stronger. its in case of divorce, "dont worry, we're still cousins"

😛

TPOS — Sun, 29 Aug 2010 - 23:49

[quote=Lilly][quote=ThE pOwEr Of SiLeNcE]Btw, Einstein married his first cousin.[/quote]

YOU SAID IT!

and the whole makes bond stronger. its in case of divorce, "dont worry, we're still cousins"

:P[/quote]

🙂

1R4M — Mon, 30 Aug 2010 - 13:54

[quote=Lilly][quote=ThE pOwEr Of SiLeNcE]Btw, Einstein married his first cousin.[/quote]

YOU SAID IT!

and the whole makes bond stronger. its in case of divorce, "dont worry, we're still cousins"

:P[/quote]

erm
when u divorce ur cousin
it will have a domino effect
one set of family will stop speaking to u
and others may do so too

and I see my family ALL the time
but Im not married to my cousin

if u wanna see ur family u visit them
u dont need to marry a cousin to be able to see them

Anonymous88 (not verified) — Mon, 30 Aug 2010 - 14:43

[quote=Lilly][quote=ThE pOwEr Of SiLeNcE]Btw, Einstein married his first cousin.[/quote]

YOU SAID IT!

and the whole makes bond stronger. its in case of divorce, "dont worry, we're still cousins"

:P[/quote]
😂

TPOS — Mon, 30 Aug 2010 - 17:43

[quote=1R4M][quote=Lilly][quote=ThE pOwEr Of SiLeNcE]Btw, Einstein married his first cousin.[/quote]

YOU SAID IT!

and the whole makes bond stronger. its in case of divorce, "dont worry, we're still cousins"

:P[/quote]

erm
when u divorce ur cousin
it will have a domino effect
one set of family will stop speaking to u
and others may do so too

and I see my family ALL the time
but Im not married to my cousin

if u wanna see ur family u visit them
u dont need to marry a cousin to be able to see them[/quote]

It was a joke.
ok we get it you're anti-men and anti-cousin-marriages.