How can I find a Husband without having a Boyfriend?

[quote=Seraphim]Criminals arent usually that clever tbh. They tend to get sloppy.[/quote]

I assume you are basing this off of criminals who have been caught?

Biased much?

Hey i said back to the topic! :x 😛

[quote=Seraphim]
But thats neither here nor there... and we're going off topic.[/quote]

I think it's quite related...

The question 'how do you know your prospective husband/wife is not a psycho?' can be applied to 'how do you she he/she isn't annoying/arrogant/untrustworthy/smelly/boring/very smelly?'

As in, how can you find this out in a halal way if you don't 'have a relationship' with them...

Is meeting them once or twice in a formal situation with you parents around going to show the 'real them'?

You *can* trust your instincts... but is this really enough?

[quote=Ya'qub][quote=Seraphim]
But thats neither here nor there... and we're going off topic.[/quote]

I think it's quite related...

The question 'how do you know your prospective husband/wife is not a psycho?' can be applied to 'how do you she he/she isn't annoying/arrogant/untrustworthy/smelly/boring/very smelly?'

As in, how can you find this out in a halal way if you don't 'have a relationship' with them...

Is meeting them once or twice in a formal situation with you parents around going to show the 'real them'?

You *can* trust your instincts... but is this really enough?[/quote]

😂 You may be able to find out if they smell or not from your meetings? but i guess they could just make an effort at those times

Anyway, yeah i understand what your point is and that is one of the reasons why my friend (and probably a lot of other people) doesnt like this approach. but i don't know any that are better AND Halaal, do you?

even if you're engaged your not allowed to be alone with each other cuz you're not married therefore not mahram.

Why not ask their friends and family? Or people who know them. Get a second opinion.

assalamu alaikum,

First of all would you call your friend a practising muslimah, at the very least does she offer her five daily prayers? Or have any interest what so ever in Islam, other than when she is forced to participate by family? If the answer to all these questions are no, she will not be interested in anything you say about boyfriends.

I had a similar issue with my friend, amongst many other issues. As i was trying hard to turn my life around and "practise" sincerely, i distanced myself from her because i felt she was pulling me away from my goals. I gave her advice about b/f whenever she asked it of me, and sometimes i discreetly told her how it was against our faith. I didn't pester her but i let her know it was a path to Zina, and sinful. I made it cleer i wasn't happy to hang out with her. Coz if she was meeting her b/f and i was there, it was like i was morally approving of it. Do likewise with her if it applies.

But if she is practising then i see no reason why you cannot convince her, surely then she will respect a scholars word if not yours? Take her to one if she agrees. Alternatively message sunnipath.com if you follow one of the madhabs. I'm sure she will respect and accept the answer.

See, we have to prove to people that Islam's position isn't backwards. That's the big thing that people and scholars tend to avoid, and it pees me off, to be honest with you.

wsalaam
[quote=Hajjar]assalamu alaikum,

First of all would you call your friend a practising muslimah, at the very least does she offer her five daily prayers? Or have any interest what so ever in Islam, other than when she is forced to participate by family? If the answer to all these questions are no, she will not be interested in anything you say about boyfriends.[/quote]

My friend isnt very practicing but is interedsted in Islam, and i think its my duty as a friend to atleast try and tell her and help her. If she doesnt listen after that, ell then i've doen my bit 🙂 and the rest is down to her.

[quote=Hajjar]I had a similar issue with my friend, amongst many other issues. As i was trying hard to turn my life around and "practise" sincerely, i distanced myself from her because i felt she was pulling me away from my goals. I gave her advice about b/f whenever she asked it of me, and sometimes i discreetly told her how it was against our faith. I didn't pester her but i let her know it was a path to Zina, and sinful. I made it cleer i wasn't happy to hang out with her. Coz if she was meeting her b/f and i was there, it was like i was morally approving of it. Do likewise with her if it applies.[/quote]
I don't think what she does affects me. She knows it's wrong and the punishments of the act but doesnt fully understand why.

why would you be there? and why do you "discreetly" tell her? why not say what you really think properly becuase you care? (or have i understood your point wrongly? :S )

[quote=Hajjar]But if she is practising then i see no reason why you cannot convince her, surely then she will respect a scholars word if not yours? Take her to one if she agrees. Alternatively message sunnipath.com if you follow one of the madhabs. I'm sure she will respect and accept the answer. [/quote]

Thanks 🙂

[quote=The Lamp]See, we have to prove to people that Islam's position isn't backwards. That's the big thing that people and scholars tend to avoid, and it pees me off, to be honest with you.[/quote]

Exactly! its very annoying :|

Wasnt this a topic u asked Ed to get someone to write about?

Yes i did using the "your ideas" topic. i think its a really relevant and important topic.

power of silence:

why would you be there? and why do you "discreetly" tell her? why not say what you really think properly becuase you care? (or have i understood your point wrongly? :S )

i told her with tact because, my friend doesn't like to hear anything about islam. So anything too blunt would be too much for her to handle. She wouldn't associate with me altogether. I'd rather be soft with her to do dawah on her, rather than harsh and make her run away.

I didn't hang out with her when i was practicing if that answers your question?

[quote=Hajjar]power of silence:

why would you be there? and why do you "discreetly" tell her? why not say what you really think properly becuase you care? (or have i understood your point wrongly? :S )

i told her with tact because, my friend doesn't like to hear anything about islam. So anything too blunt would be too much for her to handle. She wouldn't associate with me altogether. I'd rather be soft with her to do dawah on her, rather than harsh and make her run away.

I didn't hang out with her when i was practicing if that answers your question?

[/quote]

Fair enough i was just thinking if your friend actually got the message or not thats why i asked that.

unfortunately my friend got the message but didn't take note of it.

[quote=Hajjar]unfortunately my friend got the message but didn't take note of it. [/quote]

Your duty is just to inform.

Allah (swt) is the only one Who can guide people.

Your duty is to open the door (technically informing and shouting can be bad dawa), but Allah can guide her through that door.

[quote=wednesday]Allah can also guide people through other people, no?[/quote]

Hey man, this is God we're talking about.
He can guide people through a milk carton if he wanted.
He is simply that cool.

8)

Or a crescent moon, in Yaqub's friend's case.

huh?

[quote=wednesday]Simplicity or sophistication?[/quote]

sophlicity.

[quote=Seraphim]Wasnt this a topic u asked Ed to get someone to write about?[/quote]

[quote=I]Yes i did using the "your ideas" topic. i think its a really relevant and important topic.[/quote]

why?

If someone was to marry their BF/GF then would the marriage be makrooh or any less "good", "right" as marriage is half of Islam?

no.

ok

[quote=Ya'qub][quote=Seraphim]
But thats neither here nor there... and we're going off topic.[/quote]

I think it's quite related...

The question 'how do you know your prospective husband/wife is not a psycho?' can be applied to 'how do you she he/she isn't annoying/arrogant/untrustworthy/smelly/boring/very smelly?'

As in, how can you find this out in a halal way if you don't 'have a relationship' with them...

Is meeting them once or twice in a formal situation with you parents around going to show the 'real them'?

You *can* trust your instincts... but is this really enough?[/quote]

yeah thats so true yaqub
then again
how well can you ever know someone
there are friends I've had for years n yet they say that im a mystery to them sometimes
but I get ur point
like my friends sister had to get married to a guy whos family said oh hes such a wonderful guy n he wasnt

[quote=1R4M]
like my friends sister had to get married to a guy whos family said oh hes such a wonderful guy n he wasnt
[/quote]

That's haram.

Hey can you and some friends go and talk to that person in a public place, where you'll be free to talk about other more relevant things?

[quote=1R4M][quote=Ya'qub][quote=Seraphim]
But thats neither here nor there... and we're going off topic.[/quote]

I think it's quite related...

The question 'how do you know your prospective husband/wife is not a psycho?' can be applied to 'how do you she he/she isn't annoying/arrogant/untrustworthy/smelly/boring/very smelly?'

As in, how can you find this out in a halal way if you don't 'have a relationship' with them...

Is meeting them once or twice in a formal situation with you parents around going to show the 'real them'?

You *can* trust your instincts... but is this really enough?[/quote]

You can never know a personal, their *real* side or their *fake* side. Even if you do go out with a person, they might still be *fake*, two faced..etc.

A person might seem like the nicest thing you ever met, but turn out to be a right idiot. Whereas another person you might think is a right idiot, turn out to be a sweetheart.
At the end of the day only Allah swt knows for sure what is in the heart of any person. And only prayers and duahs will be able to help and guide us all and give us success inshAllah.

Back to ground level...I would say a person should choose their own marriage partner, because they will have to spend the rest of their life with that person, not the parents. (Of course you can consider a guy your parents decide...however the decision should be on what the girl thinks, not what the parents think!!)...(I think I've gone off topic, but oh well 😂 )

[quote=The Lamp][quote=1R4M]
like my friends sister had to get married to a guy whos family said oh hes such a wonderful guy n he wasnt
[/quote]

That's haram.

Hey can you and some friends go and talk to that person in a public place, where you'll be free to talk about other more relevant things?[/quote]

Are you insulting me???
or are you asking a genuine question about potential suitors???

[quote=Ya'qub][quote=wednesday]Simplicity or sophistication?[/quote]

sophlicity.[/quote]

Sophlicity.

That makes a very nice girls name.

[quote=1R4M][quote=The Lamp][quote=1R4M]
like my friends sister had to get married to a guy whos family said oh hes such a wonderful guy n he wasnt
[/quote]

That's haram.

Hey can you and some friends go and talk to that person in a public place, where you'll be free to talk about other more relevant things?[/quote]

Are you insulting me???
or are you asking a genuine question about potential suitors???[/quote]

Sorry, I don't understand which bit is supposed to be offensive. No that's not what I meant, but saying to someone that they HAVE to marry someone is haram.

[quote=Me]I think I've gone off topic, but oh well 😂 )
[/quote]

Lol, dont worry u havnt, it was an appropriate reply 🙂