Naz* wrote:

E.g. the Prophets father made idols for a living. I think he may have worshipped them as well not sure. The Prophet didnt go around bad mouthing his dad even though he was committing a major sin.

If you wanna give advice thats fine but if ppl continue to slag her parents (whom im giving the benefit of the doubt) or anyone elses parents then im gonna be there to stick up for them as seen as no one else can be bothered. They may not be my parents but they are still a parent and i respect any parent whether good or bad.

He also didn't follow in his father's footsteps.

g_rashid wrote:

it appears as though (and please forgive me for this) that your mum is a very vicious person who has absolute and tyrincal power in your family

Thats the kinda crap im referring to (the other stuff but cant be bothered to read the last 4 pages). If you want to give advice give it but why are you calling her parents?

So far the advice that has been given is for her to run away, and you have based this is on the fact that her parents "beat her" (cant be that badly beaten if she can come on this forum to give everyone an update on her tragic love story) and "control her" (if they were controlling her she wouldnt be allowed access to the internet or her parents wouldnt have allowed her to go to uni in the first place). For all you know the advice your giving could be wrong. Not the advice itself but because of the facts you have been presented with.

If you wanna tell her to run away from home go ahead. if you want to start up a run away fund to help kids run away from their "horrible" families i aint stopping you but i cant and wont condone ppl slaging off anyones parents (the little voice inside my head wont let me) LEAVE THEM OUT OF IT!!!!

Noor wrote:

the father of nabi did not worship idols nor did he take part in making them. the father and mother of nabi were free from all the jahil activities that took place.

Sorry my mistake im getting confused. Prophet Ibrahim's father use to make an worship idols.

@Ya'qub the point i was making with that example was that the Prophet didnt disrespect his father even though he was committing a major sin.

Naz* wrote:

@Ya'qub the point i was making with that example was that the Prophet didnt disrespect his father even though he was committing a major sin.

Naz* wrote:

Noor wrote:

the father of nabi did not worship idols nor did he take part in making them. the father and mother of nabi were free from all the jahil activities that took place.

Sorry my mistake im getting confused. Prophet Ibrahim's father use to make an worship idols.

Naz* wrote:

g_rashid wrote:

it appears as though (and please forgive me for this) that your mum is a very vicious person who has absolute and tyrincal power in your family

Thats the kinda crap im referring to (the other stuff but cant be bothered to read the last 4 pages). If you want to give advice give it but why are you calling her parents?

So far the advice that has been given is for her to run away, and you have based this is on the fact that her parents "beat her" (cant be that badly beaten if she can come on this forum to give everyone an update on her tragic love story) and "control her" (if they were controlling her she wouldnt be allowed access to the internet or her parents wouldnt have allowed her to go to uni in the first place). For all you know the advice your giving could be wrong. Not the advice itself but because of the facts you have been presented with.

If you wanna tell her to run away from home go ahead. if you want to start up a run away fund to help kids run away from their "horrible" families i aint stopping you but i cant and wont condone ppl slaging off anyones parents (the little voice inside my head wont let me) LEAVE THEM OUT OF IT!!!!

Naz- Take a deep breath

I did not slag of her parents but instead made an analysis based on the information that I was given.

I dont understand your statement "LEAVE THEM OUT OF IT!!!!" the whole issue is about her relationship with her parents.

What we must understand is that there is a young woman here who is feeling so alone and helpless right now and the only place she can turn to is a post on a website asking strangers for there help, and instead of help what she is getting is people like Naz who really could not give a toss about the young lady but instead is hijacking the blog so that she can grind her own axe. I am making the assumption (and correct me if I am wrong) that Naz is a mother herself and is worried about her own fears of her child leaving her. Maybe even worried about her own misgivings as a mother.

p.s dont take it personally - although you already have done a few posts earlier.

lol no naz isnt a mother, not even married!

Funzo wrote:

Thats one of the reasons why the prophet(may allah bless him and give him peace) allowed it.

He allowed it (reluctantly), but never ever did it himself. And I can tell you it doesn't work. Either it will turn them into an easily intimidated person, cause them to rebel or, yes even smacking in moderation, give them the wrong idea about how to solve problems, by telling them "Yeah it's OK to get you by smacking people, your siblings, cousins etc."
And I'm not making this up at all.

Rashid, mate, just refrain from calling anyone vicious and everything else is OK.
Personally, I'm not a big fan of running away, UNLESS it is or COULD TURN INTO a life threatening situation in WW3. So maybe she should come here and tell us what SHE wants to do. I think even she's pretty fed up of us telling her what to do.

g_rashid wrote:

Naz- Take a deep breath

g_rashid wrote:

I did not slag of her parents but instead made an analysis based on the information that I was given.

You had no right no make that analysis and not only was it was irrelevant to her problem but its not helping the matter.

g_rashid wrote:

I dont understand your statement "LEAVE THEM OUT OF IT!!!!" the whole issue is about her relationship with her parents.

No the issue isnt her relationship with her parents, the issue is that she initially came on this forum with a dilemma and stated I quote "I have no idea what to do."

g_rashid wrote:

What we must understand is that there is a young woman here who is feeling so alone and helpless right now and the only place she can turn to is a post on a website asking strangers for there help, and instead of help what she is getting is people like Naz who really could not give a toss about the young lady......

I have stated in my earlier posts that I have no sympathy for her. It was self induced. And no this is not the only place she can turn to. If she really wants advice get it from a professional. If you go to your GP s/he will refer you to a counsellor for free. The only disadvantage is that its goes on your records but if you dont plan on being a doctor whats the problem? If she really wanted ppl telling her what to do she would have done a runner by now (most ppls advice was to run away) but the fact she hasnt nor is she acknowledging what ppl her advising should tell you something.

g_rashid wrote:

but instead is hijacking the blog so that she can grind her own axe.

Im not hijacking the thread im sticking up for her parents. If ppl werent slagging/bad mouthing/anaylsising whatever you want to call it, her parents I wouldnt have opened my big trap. My heart tells me that her parents are not as wicked and cruel as she is making them out to be nor are they to blame 100% for the stuff that has happened. Im not dispusting the fact that caste is the reason her parents wont allow her to marry this guy but I think theres more to it then that.

Also if you read from the first post the original thread was about discussing the caste system in general. Stress decided to make this her own personal thread by broadcasting her family problems on the world wide web.

g_rashid wrote:

I am making the assumption (and correct me if I am wrong) that Naz is a mother herself and is worried about her own fears of her child leaving her. Maybe even worried about her own misgivings as a mother.

Our survey says..... UH-UHHHHH!

g_rashid wrote:

p.s dont take it personally - although you already have done a few posts earlier.

Our survey says again........ UH-UHHHHH!

When lork (strangers) says things to me it don’t hurt, why coz you aint no one to me. If my siblings or parents did it on the other hand it would matter coz they are blood.

Your not very good and this analysing business are you.

OK now that we have established that im a cow and there is nothing else anybody wants to get off their chest can we please get back to discussing what the original thread was about, what ppl think of the caste system?

wot the heck is a cast system?????????????????

musslima wrote:

wot the heck is a cast system?????????????????

Pls refer to the first page of this thread.

And can we not start insulting each other... that would be super.

Naz, mate, please don't assume stuff about Stress. She has a problem and she's expecting our support and advice. We don't have to take her word for it but there's no need to think that she's lying or not telling the whole truth. Let's just keep an open mind.

I agree with Naz in the sense that we cannot offer advice based on 50% of information. In order to be truly JUST, and give sincere guidance and counsel, you would require information from all sides and sources. Many of the sahabas would AVOID and REFRAIN from giving their opinion and judgement (i.e. fatwas etc) on matters UNTIL they gave all due consideration to it, consulted other knowledgeable people and came to a satisfactory reflected conclusion. Though this isnt a point of jurisprudence, please give MORE thought when giving your judgement, and judge whether you have the capability to do so. Opinion may be understandable, but judgement is not.

Parents are open to err, just like us. Before making rash judgments on them, we should refrain and learn to have more patience. I would recommend that you work/volunteer in an old people's home, or elderly ward of a hospital so that you learn the art of true patience, self discipline and recognise the proper paramenters with which to treat your parents. Its not about ME ME ME. The status of parents is very high. Do not demean their value. Reading this thread makes me sad seeing how some are very quick to go against the parents at the drop of a hat.

Stress, with all due respect to everyone here, i would not suggest that you seek advice from a forum where majority of members do not have enough life experience and wisdom. It is like going to a junior doctor for a diagnosis and dismissing the consultant. We may be going to college, university, etc but people older than us are graduates from the university of life.

I don't think anyone's really disrespecting her parents, apart from the odd comment from Rashid. And yeah you're right we don't and can't know everything and maybe it's best to direct her to someone else, which is why I said let's let her decide what she wants to do, I think whatever we can do we've done.
All I can do for now is give her this. http://www.hiddenhurt.co.uk/Resources/helplines.htm

Courage wrote:

Naz, mate, please don't assume stuff about Stress. She has a problem and she's expecting our support and advice. We don't have to take her word for it but there's no need to think that she's lying or not telling the whole truth. Let's just keep an open mind.

You and some other members have done exactly what i have done except were on different sides. You have automatically assumed she is telling you the whole truth and therefore believed everything, word for word whereas i have questioned some of the things she has said coz it dont add up. Nowt wrong with that.

When someone comes onto a forum saying their parents are this and that its not easy to respect that person nor believe them.

@Amal finally somebody who is on the same wavelength as me.

stress do u post on any other forum? ummah?

Noor wrote:

stress do u post on any other forum? ummah?

Naz* wrote:

Courage wrote:

Naz, mate, please don't assume stuff about Stress. She has a problem and she's expecting our support and advice. We don't have to take her word for it but there's no need to think that she's lying or not telling the whole truth. Let's just keep an open mind.

You and some other members have done exactly what i have done except were on different sides. You have automatically assumed she is telling you the whole truth and therefore believed everything, word for word whereas i have questioned some of the things she has said coz it dont add up. Nowt wrong with that.

When someone comes onto a forum saying their parents are this and that its not easy to respect that person nor believe them.

@Amal finally somebody who is on the same wavelength as me.

Suspicion is not a good thing sis. Why would she lie about this?

Not that i care, im just bored.

Hi,

I'm afraid I feel I need to be pretty blunt in my opinion about the story presented on this forum by Stress (not verified)....I think there too many inconsistancies within her (presuming stress is female) story.....this is in additon to my opinion that her parents are being villified without the chance to present their case. If stress is genuinely being "persecuted" as is the suggestion, then stress should seek help from appropriate authorities, both from within the islamic community and the public services.

To be frank, I think "stress" is a fake story........and if not, then, there are two sides to the coin......we should reserve judgement.....

stress.........sit down, take a deep breath and lay ur cards out on the table in front.................be honest with urself.....ask...."what" and "why"?

Maybe there lies the answer amonsgt the confusion !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Stress........I apologise if u feel that I have come down a bit heavy on ur story, but other than hearing ur side of the story, I don't really know much else from the other side's perspective.

Shaz wrote:

MuslimBro wrote:

Naz wrote:

"Seraphim" wrote:

I hate parents who hit their kids.

That would be roughly 90% of the Asian population.

Sometimes you have to erm... discipline your child. And it may require sandals... or the broom :p.

But shouldn't include beating the cr@p out of the child.

salaamz im back
ive got 2 boys and they drive me nuts this dosnt mean i will beat the crap out of them!
But you have to discipline your kids otherwise they get out of hand. A slap on the bum usualy does the trick.
As when i was little my mum used to beat the crap out of me and my bros if we were very very naughty, but that dosnt mean i dont love her. WHAT SHE DID NOW I REALISE WAS FOR OUR BEST. Wait till you have kids.

This is fine with children, but I think 'Stress' is an adult and the 'If you don't hear then you must feel' approach is not useful.

Seraphim wrote:

Naz* wrote:

Courage wrote:

Naz, mate, please don't assume stuff about Stress. She has a problem and she's expecting our support and advice. We don't have to take her word for it but there's no need to think that she's lying or not telling the whole truth. Let's just keep an open mind.

You and some other members have done exactly what i have done except were on different sides. You have automatically assumed she is telling you the whole truth and therefore believed everything, word for word whereas i have questioned some of the things she has said coz it dont add up. Nowt wrong with that.

When someone comes onto a forum saying their parents are this and that its not easy to respect that person nor believe them.

@Amal finally somebody who is on the same wavelength as me.

Suspicion is not a good thing sis. Why would she lie about this?

Not that i care, im just bored.

I didnt say she was lieing. I just think there is more to the story. I think her parents are not 100% to blame. I think she has done something to betray her parents trust hence why her mum was spying on her. Parents dont spy on you for no reason. As for the couple of slaps her mum gave her thats not beating. Anyway thats not what was bothering me i dont give a toss whether she is telling the truth or not. I mean there are kids out there was no limbs, no parents, have very little food to eat, dirty water to drink and nobody cares about them and here we have some girl whom Allah(swt) has given her parents and a comfortable life and she has the audacity to whinge that she has a horrible life. Thats not horrible, what the kids out there are going through is horrible!

Im the minority what does it matter what i think? No one cares about the minority.

Amal wrote:

Parents are open to err, just like us. Before making rash judgments on them, we should refrain and learn to have more patience. I would recommend that you work/volunteer in an old people's home, or elderly ward of a hospital so that you learn the art of true patience, self discipline and recognise the proper paramenters with which to treat your parents. Its not about ME ME ME. The status of parents is very high. Do not demean their value. Reading this thread makes me sad seeing how some are very quick to go against the parents at the drop of a hat.

MashAllah well put.

I think there is a massive problem with the youth of today and the lack of respect for their parents. I think the reason for this is because of the estranged relationship some ppl have with their parents. Parents are not out to make your life hell, they want what is best for you. If you actually sat down and chatted to them without screaming in their face or raising your voice and just had an adult conversation you will realise that they are actually quite cool ppl who have made a lot of sacrifices for us so that we could have a better life.

Im all gonna set you some homework for this week. Those ppl that find it difficult to talk to their parents or dont have a good relationship with them take some time out of your "busy lives" and make time for your parents, you know those ppl that have fed you, clothed you, gave you shelter, put you through education, brought you your first bike, gave you pocket money etc. Ask them how life has treated them? Ask your dad how he managed to support you, your siblings, mum and his own family? Ask your mum how she manages to do all the housework and still make time for you kids? Dont speak, dont interrupt just listen with your heart not your head. I can guarantee you after listening to them you will see them in a good light if you dont already.

what i have said i have told the truth, y would i lie? what will i gain at the end? i dnt want sympathy, i jus needed advice. i do respect my parents and every family and every parents is different and i didnt mean to slag my parents, i was trying to explain what it is like living in my situation. in my family we always have problems and they never go away. im not blaming my parents 100% i am also at fault as well, i have tried talking to my parents trying to build a relationship but some families it does happen and some families it does. if i hated my parents so much i would have ran away ages ago. i would have disrespected my family and give them a bad name by doing bad things but i didnt and wont.

Stress,

Can I just apologise for being harsh....and even judgemental......SORRY !!

Naz* wrote:

Courage wrote:

Naz, mate, please don't assume stuff about Stress. She has a problem and she's expecting our support and advice. We don't have to take her word for it but there's no need to think that she's lying or not telling the whole truth. Let's just keep an open mind.

You and some other members have done exactly what i have done except were on different sides. You have automatically assumed she is telling you the whole truth and therefore believed everything, word for word whereas i have questioned some of the things she has said coz it dont add up. Nowt wrong with that.

When someone comes onto a forum saying their parents are this and that its not easy to respect that person nor believe them.

@Amal finally somebody who is on the same wavelength as me.

There's nothing wrong with questioning, but to assume that she's lying, then we have a big problem. She hasn't said that her mum is vicious or anything like that, she's just said what happens between her and her mum. Now I know that's only her side, but questioning and being judgemental are two different things.
Besides, you were having a go at the mother who beat the crap out of her son. Why? Just because he wanted a drink. Were you wrong to feel that way? I don't think you were. But you have to realise that bitching about your parents and being constructive are two different things.

stress wrote:

i jus needed advice....

There are no scholars on this forum or any councillors that specialise in the area your asking for advice. If your serious about wanting advice get it from a profession!

Naz wrote:

stress wrote:

i jus needed advice....

There are no scholars on this forum or any councillors that specialise in the area your asking for advice. If your serious about wanting advice get it from a profession!

Give the girl a break ffs! She isnt asking for us to offer her fatwas on what to do.. she's asking us for advice. If my mate asked me for my opinion or my advice I wouldn't turn around and say to her go ask a scholar or a professional. I don't get whats wrong with you naz. you are one heartless girl.. This is a forum, for people to come and discuss things, ask each other for their opinions not be judged and condemned. You've got some serious issues..

Also we might not have any scholars or councillors on this forum, but some members are quite educated and have enough knowledge to write articles for the revivial magazion on issues affecting the youth which is why this forum in my opinion is ideal for girls such as stress to come and ask for advice and guidance.

Mehak wrote:

Naz wrote:

stress wrote:

i jus needed advice....

There are no scholars on this forum or any councillors that specialise in the area your asking for advice. If your serious about wanting advice get it from a profession!

I don't get whats wrong with you naz. you are one heartless girl..

Thank you and no i dont have issues but if i do you will be the first to no. As a Muslim one should seek guidance from a scholar first on this matter. She is a Muslim not a Kaffir. If she finds it hard to cope go see a councillor who has signed a confidently agreement and has experience dealing with such cases.

Most of the ppl on this forum are either in college or uni. The kind of problems that stress is having requires professional help you know the ones that have been trained to deal with this kind of stuff. If stress just wants to come and off load (which she has been doing) then go ahead by all means do so (BUT WITHOUT BRINGING HER PARENTS INTO) but dont come out with "oh i want advice" when its quite clear from her posts she doesn’t!

God dont you ppl every get bored discussing the same thing over and over again.

Look at the first post that is what were suppose to be discussing not someones family life. Tell you what il create stress her own lil thread and i will promise to stay off it (BUT only if she doesnt bring her parents into it or anyone else) and you hcan sympathise and "advise" her on there.