Well, it is pretty much known on here (and real life) that I do not care what others think. Of me or really anything else.
(Now here comes the philosophical bit - do I really not care, or am I good at ignoring what others think? How does one tell the difference?)
But what about others?
Do you worry about others opinions? Is this a good thing?
When is it a bad thing?
Perhaps you do care... but pretend not to care so as not to raise expectations in yourself and others.
Or perhaps you have trust issues... or your generally lazy.
Back in BLACK
I'll admiot to that - but the point was to gauge other people and what they think about themselves.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
maybe u have trust issues
or insecurity issues
or commitment issues
or fear of failure
or fear of letting people down
etc etc
everyone wants to be loved, liked and appreciated
tis impossible to live in this world and not give a crap what anyone things
there must be one or two people in ur life whom u try to impress
I hope you won't mind me saying that the above claim is not true; and that you do fear what the American might be thinking of you and your forum; which is why I had to state that this forum is turning into "Please the Americans Forum."
Maybe I am wrong. If so, please forgive me.
Ayatollah rightly named America as "Great Satan".
www.presstv.ir
yes, you are wrong.
Your posts were deleted because they did not follow the rules and that was pointed out to me.
I am normally lax with applying the rules, but I try to have an atmosphere condusive to relaxed discussion on here. That means not too much ranting.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
Everyone cares, unless you're a psychopath! Some people care less than others, and ignoring what others say or think is a good way to show that you do not care when you actually do. You cannot tell the difference between someone who doesn't actually care and others who just ignore it. If someone doesn't react in anyway to what someone else says or thinks of them then they must have a problem IMO. Might be a problem caused during childhood as Freud would say, so see a psychologist!
Yep, I take in what others (parents, relatives, friends) say or think about me but may ignore certain things. Obviously what parents say or think has the biggest impact. Because if your parents keep on saying for example that you're a criminal, you're most likely to either a) accept and conform to that label or b) prove them wrong, and be a police officer for example - or even c) where you just ignore them and get on with your life as normal. It is a good thing when others (esp. parents) say or do something to help us. But we being young and inexperienced may think that we're right and they're wrong until something happens and then it's too late.
When one cannot distinguish between fantasy and reality. I remember saying to a classmate (who's a girl) that she's fat when she's actually not and she took it seriously....even when I later said that I was only joking. It is important to know when someone is joking and also when they are being serious. There is also the problem in knowing whether someone is actually being serous or not, for example when we make our parents mad and they say something. Do we really know if they were being serious or did they just say it out of anger.
If I consider someone really important…if I really admire, respect or look up to someone, than their opinion of me matters a LOT.
I think I’d be devastated if someone who really meant a lot to me had a negative opinion of me… I’m very, VERY sensitive of opinions from such people.
However, general people’s opinion means very little to me…people are very quick to lay on OTT praise and OTT criticism. Their comments mean nothing to me…positive or negative.
When I was younger…I think it was an insecurity thing, but people’s opinion of me, used to define what I felt about myself.
Now, I’m a bit more secure as a person…I know what I am and what I’m not. And it’s usually my loved ones who confirm or dispute this.
I think to a certain extent it IS important to take on board public opinion. If 99 people said that 'your not a very good person'...its time to rethink the way you act.
It is said that a critical eye brings out many honest flaws.
Really and truthfully the opinion of others should not matter to us.
If we are trying our honest best to please Allah (swt), then no opinion in the world should matter above this, as it is a form of shirk.
If we start doing things solely for other people, then we begin on the path that will lead us to hell.
Of course, this is a lot easier said than done!!
But I think it is important to make people happy and to please other people FOR THE SAKE of Allah (swt).
For example, if I help or look after my parents in order to make them happy, because Allah (swt) has told us to be kind and dutiful to our parents, than that is ok. If, however, my parents want me to join them for lunch when they are eating pork and drinking wine, I shouldn't want to please them because it would be breaking Allah's (swt) divine law. It should not really matter to me if they get upset at me in this instance.
Even if we are giving charity openly and in front of everyone, if our intention is to encourage people to give charity too, or to show how important genorosity is in Islam in order to make da'wa to non-Muslims, then it is ok, because again you are doing it for the sake of Allah and not just to earn the favour of other people.
When I was younger the way to earn favour with my friends was to do terribly bad things, like taking drugs etc. As I was a non-Muslim, I had no reason NOT to do these things, and Alhamdulillah now I have learnt from my experiences and can tell other people the evil and dangers of these subsances from first-hand experience.
Assalamu alaikum
Don't just do something! Stand there.
There’s a hadith that says…(I’m paraphrasing here) “when a believer is praised he is encouraged to do more for Allah (swt)”
That shows us that people’s opinions DO matter and are not necessarily a bad thing.
One of the main way I raise standards in my class (be it in a public school or my Islamic studies class)…is by praising children a LOT when they do something good. And they really work hard when they know that their efforts are being acknowledged.
In fact, proximal praise is my main behaviour management strategy cos it’s so effective.
And Imam Ghazzali has actually said….if we want to improve our characters we should actually listen to the taunts of our enemies.
Cos a critical eye brings out many faults.
It isn't really necessary to be careful about what people will think. Different people think different things. And people think different things at different times. If you look hard enough, you'll always be able to find someobody to approve and somebody disapprove - or whatever.
We can never have an informed view on 'what people will think/say.' So, its not worth worrying about. Unless of course your pondering about what a specific person will think or say. Then its a bit of a prob and worth trying to get around.
I wasn't aware of that hadith. I would be interested in hearing the full version.
The distinction I was trying to make was actively 'seeking' praise.
When I was reading Imam Ghazzali (Duties of Brotherhood) the point that struck me was when he said that if you are a true friend or brother/sister, you should be able to point out to someone his/her faults. This is because you are not concerned with making them happy, if you were you would praise them all day and ignore their faults. He said that a true brother/sister would not be concerned with making someone pleased, but only in improving their character, and this would be for the sake of Allah (swt).
He carries on to say that most people are not like this, instead they will praise us and ignore our faults to make us happy. So when he says we should listen to the taunts of our enemies, this is not because we want our enemies to like us, but because enemies are the only ones who will actually do us a favour by pointing out our faults. In the end, us trying to improve our character should be solely for the sake of Allah Alone (swt).
Don't just do something! Stand there.
Exactly!
Behavioural psychology - operant conditioning; rewarding behaviour that is desired.
Don't always work the same with everyone.
different people find different things rewarding.
For young kids praise itself may be enough, but later on it is not. It may even be a hurdle.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
I think it all depends on who the praise is from.
And praise should never be the GOAL of performing a good deed, or doing anything.
This is why praise from a teacher is important, but should never be the final end.
For example:
A young boy was learning Tajweed and practiced all through the week until it came to his lesson when his teacher would give him feedback. If the teacher was critical of his pronunciation, it would upset him and if he was praised, he would get very pleased and be happy. But he wasn't pleased because of the actual praise, he was pleased because the teacher had studied Tajweed, was knowledgable, and could distinguish good pronunciation from bad. If one of his friends had overheard his recitation and praised him, it didn't have the same effect because the friend wasn't an expert and may well praise him even if he'd made mistakes.
Once he boy had finished learning Tajweed, he would recite the Qu'ran alone all through the night purely for Allah (swt) and noone else ever heard him recite again. In this case, the praise the boy recieved while learning was not the driving force behind his improvement. He tried hard and improved purely for the sake of Allah (swt).
What if once the boy's lessons with his teacher had finished, the boy never recited the Qu'ran ever again? What if he thought that there was no point in practicing anymore because his beloved teacher wasn't around to hear him anymore? Then his whole process of learning Tajweed would have been Shirk, because it would have been for the sake of someone other than Allah (swt).
[b]A Muslim should say "At-tayyihatu Lillahi, As-sallawatu, At-tayibbatu" ATLEAST nine times a day. Everyone should remember what this means.[/b]
Don't just do something! Stand there.
public opinion does matter
just ask the girl whom the aunties b**** about 24/7
But should she not just ignore them?
But then again this backbiting/slander/gossip is pretty much endemic.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
Why would you care what people like that think?
They don't deserve to be taken seriously.
Their views are probably very fickle and inconseqential.
it bothers me beast - a LOT
esp when its slander
its like - remember when it happened to one of the Prophets wife (pbuh) - dunno which one
but its not a nice feeling
Then b.itch about them.
Better yet, confront them and let rip.
I'm trying to think of a four letter word that fits in there and still makes sense...
Are you sure that shouldn't be five asterisks?
Hence the ' they shud look at their own stupid daughters' attitude :twisted:
Have you ever told them that to their face?
Is it wise to?
I understand the satisfaction that can be gained, but is it really a good idea to use it as oneupmanship?
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
Ohh!! Let me do that!!
You can send them a nastygram! I'll come with black balloons and sing them your insults in a cheerful and pleasantly sardonic tune, then I'll pop all the balloons and go away before they can think of a come back!
It'll help one feel better.
no becuase. im not a grass.
its usually mum that i lash out to-cos its usually mum who tells me that so and so aunty said this about u
no one has ever said anything to my face-ever
if they did i'd appreciate it-cos then i cud put them straight
Just know that you are better than them.
Sticks and stones and so forth...
i believe it was Ayesha (ra)
But the Quresh called our beloved Prophet
all sorts of terrible names and slandered him and even spat on him and sent their dogs to attack him. He had to face more trouble than any of us will ever have to deal with (insha'Allah), and he put up with all this patiently and waited for Allah (swt) to give him victory.
Don't just do something! Stand there.
I came across that hadith in Shaykh Humza Yusufs book 'Purification of the heart'. The full reference wasnt given.
Yes, we shouldnt try to actively 'seek' praise.
But I believe its important to give praise where praise is due. It makes a person feel appreciated, valued and encouraged to do more...for the sake of Allah (swt) of course.
It just depends how one phrases praise and how well the person recieves it.
oh, i think i read that book quite a while ago, before i had actually taken shahada. I would really like to read it again now i'm (a bit) more knowledgable and may gain more from it, but i leant it to someone who left it in Syria
Don't just do something! Stand there.
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