Just wondering.
You know when someone badmouths/has an argument with/etc with their friends and family and they get involved with the argument etc?
Well Islamically what should you do in such cases?
It makes sense to just keep yourself neutral and don't get involved in other peoples' business I think, unless they really need some support and are in the right.
But when it's your family it's just different. Are you still supposed to be pleasant to them if they're pleasant to you? Or is it ok to 'stick up' for people?
(I had no idea what to title this, does it even make sense? Admin if you can think of a more suitable title feel free to change)
I don't know about the precise Islamic response but taking a firm position is morally correct. Doing so without alienating people is an artform. Speak softly but be persistent. If someone is obstructive in a conversation I normally draw attention to it but at times when that gets you nowhere you can take a break from the issue. If you do a big thing like protecting someone unpopular there should be ways without forming battle lines. Be the Saintly One.
But am I the only one who sees the "softly but persistent" approach not working very well,
especially with a bunch of teenswith people?"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi
No, nothing always works. But I just sent an email to a programmer about some video download software not working and it turns out he has a fix I need to download. The persistence part requires patience, and as for exactly what usually does and doesn't work, we live and learn. Some people need a smile and a hug when you give them insights they don't like to hear, and others will feel totally patronised by that - the latter might belong to a type that wants to see steel in your eyes. Like sometimes it clicks, this shouty person will respect me if I act really angry about it, because they operate by displaying every emotion. Whereas other people will get it without you doing that. Sometimes you meet with belligerence and things get exciting.
You've appealed to me here because my ego largely depends on my communication skills.
There's a knack to highlighting what is at stake - often love and the costs of love - and bringing people to consider that without you having to say too much. And you can sometimes make a point incrementally. What's the thing that's bugging you?
I don't understand what you mean here. :S
"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi
I don't understand what you mean here. :S[/quote]
Just that people don't like to lose out, and if you can subtly draw attention to the social cost of taking a wrongheaded position, it is more effective than telling them they are not right. And that, you can sometimes make your point and drop the subject rather than looking for humility, because after hearing the point enough times people come around after sleeping on it. (And they never give you credit, which is not a bad thing since you don't want people blaming you for stuff either.)
Are you still supposed to be pleasant to them if they're pleasant to you?
did u mean if theyre unpleasnt to u??? cos tht make more sense....
"Verily, in the remembrance of Allah, do hearts find rest"
no I did mean the first one.
Like if someone says something bad about your sister or friend but are fine with you, do you have the right to be angry *and* be horrible to them or do you stay out of it. (Or the best option would be to try and make everyone happy/friends again, but if they don't listen etc then what...)
"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi
oh ok, i see what u mean now!
well, tht situation kinda happened with my sister and cousin, but she was fine with the rest of us and used to come to our house as well during the little 'thing'. come to think of it, tht is quite akward! in this case the situation resolved itself though theyre not exactly best buds....if it happened to me and it was a friend that said something about my sister it would be different than family i suppose but i wouldnt choose the option of being horrible to them that would make things way messy...
actually i did have friends who werent friends with one of my other friends and they werent exactly nice about her but i would tell them to not talk about her like tht in front of me, not necessary balah blah...but i was still friends with the..;/
u see i comment on these blogs, but i dnt actually knw what im talking about!! so frustrating....im rubbish with advice
"Verily, in the remembrance of Allah, do hearts find rest"