Police will begin arresting Brian Thompsons
like this one later today

THE government has banned the extremist group Islam4Uk, forcing it to change its name to Brian Thompson.

Following a high-level inquiry by the Daily Mail, home secretary Alan Johnson said he had proscribed the organisation under a series of names it goes by including Al Muhajiroun, Beard Force and Anjem and the Hurricanes.

Mr Johnson said: "We can only keep Britain safe from terror by continually restricting the number of names these organisations have access to.

"By forcing them to be constantly ordering new stationery and car stickers we can ensure they have no time to say those horrid things that make the editor of the Daily Mail phone me from the tinfoil-lined, underground capsule beneath his garden shed at three o'clock in the morning."

He added: "Eventually they will be reduced to using an ever-changing sequence of numbers and not even the angriest young muslim man is going to want to join an organisation that doesn't have any words in its name."

Terror experts have backed the home secretary insisting the IRA was a legal organisation for much of the 1970s allowing it to not only carry out violent attacks but set up a chain of discount carpet warehouses and a frozen food delivery business.

A spokesman for Brian Thompson said: "We expect Brian Thompson to be banned within hours, so we have prepared a series of names to last us until at least mid-March including Phil Jackson, Barbara Evans and Big Jim Barker's Dixieland Jazz Quartet.

"Anyway, who's up for having loads of crazy opinions about stuff?"

From The Daily Mash