Do you think parents who are not very islamic have an influence and a effect on their teenage children?
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Defnitely. A child's education starts at home, so if the parents aren't the best role model then the kids are more than likely to be like them. This is also proven frm the friends we have, if we are in a bad crowd then we are likely to behave the way they do. So it is extremely vital for a child to have a good environment in the home to get a good up-bringing.
I think this thread overlaps with the following: http://www.therevival.co.uk/forums/viewtopic.php?t=1248&start=0
what if the child knows that their parents don't have a good islamic influence on them and wants to start practing Islam, what should they do, they obivously love their parents and everything but don't like non-islamic home that they are living in?
sam
Depends on how old the child is, but kids should continue to respect their parents even if they may dislike certain things about them. End of the day they're still your parents.
You could make your parents aware with a gentle well mannered approach about their unislamic practises. Ensure you're not harsh or preachy, lest it be taken as disrespect or arrogance. If after that they still continue in these wrong practises all you can do is continue to advise them, and do your best to protect your own faith.
Depending on your age commit yourself into a regular course of study i.e islamic circle. Or if you're really serious about studying work to put yourself through an islamic education. You can do many things to protect your faith, you can't blame your parents or anyone if you start to slip.
There was no strong Islamic ethos in my home, but i turned ok coz i began to take some interest in my religion on my own initiative.
i know this girl and her mum passed away a few years ago and lord she has turned all negative and is totally on the wrong path. she sleeps around, smokes weed, drinks, is two faced and tries messing people relationships up. She has older brothers and sisters they have slapped herr up a few times cause they found out she smoked weed, so now she does everything undercover.
i was there for her when her mum died and tried helping her out and when she did something stupid like drinking i tried explaining to her it was wrong and she shouldn't do it but there was nothing that i could do no matter what i told her she did what she wanted. we got to the point when we stopped talking to each other cause she tried getting me involved in her business.
Do you think most people turn to the wrong path when there parents pass away?
sam
i would argue that if you have older siblings then they will influence you more than your parents .
Many people i know are more influenced and see their older brothers and sisters as rolemodels, but those who have no older siblings are influenced by their parents alot.
Sam that girls sounds like a idiot but i have read about it in psychology how when teens lose loved ones espeically parents they hide the pain and seek attention and love through rebellious nature and revolt due to the pain they feel, maybe the girl need a good hearth to hearth and hug or maybe she needs a few more slaps and medication twisted
It can have an opposite effect- which brings one closer to Allah, I've read stories of brothers and sisters transform after a lost.
Coping with death or a lost is never easy- by maybe the pain is to much to bear for them and they have no other way to grieve but to become destructive/ going astray, that why salaat is critical to help protect one from sin.
And Sam I think this person who you’ve mention, just doesn’t know how to cope, without guidance from her mother, no one has the authority to tell her what is right and wrong.
good point mate
nice to know that SOMEONE had their head screwed on
unlike some pschologist wannabe who state that people who have lost a parent are idoits and need slaps :roll:
i think its real imp cuz kids look upto there parents and u need to really educate ur kids from a young age, u cant expect them to grow up and then become islamic, like my dad he never used to say to me read salaah wen i was little even up to the age of 15-16 and wen he started tellin me i found it real hard but ive started to read five times and wear a hijaab so thats good. my bro is very religious and i really think its becuz of him i started to pray he looked up to my grandad who was very pious my dad i think is just really lenient towards us.
IF someone close to me died, like my mom, it would hurt to and i personally think it will bring me close to Allah more because thats when i will start preparing for death even more. but people are different and deal with things in differents ways.
That girl i mentioned her mom died about 3/4years ago. she was alright at the time and after about a year she started messing up. she knows for sure what she is doing is wrong but she just seems to be getting worse.
first she would lie about something stupid like "oh yeh am going out with this guy" and she wasn't but now she just sleeps with around with guys and thinks its something to be proud of. she for well knows they all are using her. i just feel sorry for her and i do seriously think her screws are loose cause she does other wierd things like touching girls bums and pulling their low neck tops. she does reverse psychology and says she's biosexual and there was a time when everyone believed it.
she needs help but if you be nice to her and do something good for her she throws back in your face..
i've given up with her
sam
wow sis someones moody today, i never stated people who have lost a parent are idiots and need slaps, i said the girl who sam has stated deserves slaps and is a idiot, pardon me for being insensitive but i dont there is any excuse for a girl to drink,smoke weed , and sleep around imagine the stress she is giving to her family and the shame on her brothers and after losing a mother her family need her more than ever, so sis she does deserve slaps and is a idiot.
psychologist wannabe-true, i want to be a psychologyst
Sam she needs counselling and she probably heading towards a bleak future , the more you try to frce these people the more they rebel, let her learn from her mistakes dont talk to her, when she feels isolated and lost the respect of all those who mean something to her she will change but then it will be too late.
I don't be bitchy or anything like that i just be civil with her, if she talks me i talk back but i don't go round licking her bum trying to change her ways cause i've my done what i needed to so let her be simple.
sam
My mums best mate passed away a few years back, her girls also went down that road. Boy, were they out of control.
I guess they were just trying to get over the loss of their mother and were lashing out...mum really took them in, they lived on our road so they were always in our house.
The eldest is now settled with a husband and child whilst the youngest has just recently started to wear a hijaab...nothing can top the loss of a parent-esp mother... such people strongly need the love, patience and compassion of an elder otherwise they'll start looking for it elsewhere.
Not everyone turns to Allah (swt) in stressful times for solace.
Patience is vital when it comes to dawah work.
everyone works differently and its good that your moms mates daughters have sorted themselves out. but with this girl u jus have to let her come round her own way cause if you do her a favour she'll throw it in your face and nothing sinks into her head so give her own space and let her make her own descions is the best way i think
sam
Its true everyone works differently, if u keep doin things for her it will hit her one day that everyone is being nice to me but all i do is throw it back in their face.
People take time gettin over this, i cant imagine how hard it is to lose a parent. Just try to keep her in a good environment for long as possible without being in her face with telling her what to do.
raf? why hav u changed ur name, u do realise we have a member called 'wass786'? dunno if ur doing it on purpose but i'm pretty sure its against the rules to impersonate another member...
[size=9]I NEVER WORE IT BECAUSE OF THE TALIBAN, MOTHER. I LIKE THE [b]MODESTY[/b] AND [b]PROTECTION[/b] IT AFFORDS ME FROM THE EYES OF MEN.[/size] [url=http://www.adherents.com/lit/comics/Dust.html]Dust, X-Men[/url]
Wow Aasiyah :shock: i didnt even notice that!! I am impressed
true, sam i think u should go out of your way to continue being nice to her. she just needs some sincere love and affection from a muslim, and lots of du'a inshaAllah. dont abandon her. no one of us can know what it feels like to lose someone so close, unless we have been in that position. this girl has not only lost her mother, she's also lost her faith. you cant bring the former back but u sure can encourage her towards the latter. there's no need to be preachy, as u sed she knows the difference between right and wrong, just be nice to her, be there for her, be the perfect example of a Muslimah, and inshaAllah some day she'll find her way back to Islam.
[size=9]I NEVER WORE IT BECAUSE OF THE TALIBAN, MOTHER. I LIKE THE [b]MODESTY[/b] AND [b]PROTECTION[/b] IT AFFORDS ME FROM THE EYES OF MEN.[/size] [url=http://www.adherents.com/lit/comics/Dust.html]Dust, X-Men[/url]
tut tut 'Site Admin' - keep up.
[size=9]I NEVER WORE IT BECAUSE OF THE TALIBAN, MOTHER. I LIKE THE [b]MODESTY[/b] AND [b]PROTECTION[/b] IT AFFORDS ME FROM THE EYES OF MEN.[/size] [url=http://www.adherents.com/lit/comics/Dust.html]Dust, X-Men[/url]
lol yeh site admin that can do jack :evil:
Admin can u remove that stupid title ASAP
lol. y dont u see if there's any change in ur profile, see if u can fix it...?
[size=9]I NEVER WORE IT BECAUSE OF THE TALIBAN, MOTHER. I LIKE THE [b]MODESTY[/b] AND [b]PROTECTION[/b] IT AFFORDS ME FROM THE EYES OF MEN.[/size] [url=http://www.adherents.com/lit/comics/Dust.html]Dust, X-Men[/url]
hmm as i thought, its a setting which can only be changed by Admin or the mods.
The person who did this shud have silly plonker on their's :evil:
No idea what has happened there.
Who is trying to overthrow me?
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
i change name out of boredom and no i didnt realise theres a member call wass786 and im not doing it on purpose and by even thinking i was doing it on purpose is insulting :evil:
sam regarding your freind
although im not a psychologist ive concluded the reason behind her rebellious anti-islamic behaviour is a result of 1 of the 5 scenarios
1. she feels somehow responsible for the death of her mother as a result she is guilt ridden , therefore her behaviur e.g. weed + drugs hides these feeling of guilt
2. The death of her mother may have caused her great anguish and trauma therefore to hide the pain she has resulted in the rebellious behaviour
3. By losing her mother at such as young age where mothers are seen as role models and essential figures, she may have no one to look up to and therefore may have bad company and negative influences
4. When losing her mother , her family may have been proccupied and stressed out, as a result she may have been ignored and consequently carries out such behaviour t get attention and to be noticed
5. It could have nothing to do with her mother death but rather her personality, many young people do the similar acts such as weed, drinking and sleeping around and they have not lost parents, she could just be one of those many young muslims on the wrong path.
many psychologist including Sigment Freud will state that the mother child relationship is only important in the first part of a childs life, however i disagree and think mothers and fathers play a significant role throughout our lives, and the loss of a parent can be significant at any time of our lives but more so at a young age.
I must say though losing a parent is no excuse for such behaviour , the prophet (pbuh) lost both his parents at a young age.
Sam you have been a good freind to her , most people would have given up , but with some people the more you try to help them the more they rebel, i knew of someone from school who lost his mother early he started smoking weed, drinking and girls too , but i just met him about 4 yrs after school and he had changed, he was married and islamic. Stay freind with her , she needs a good freind like you otherwise she may completely lose the plot and go overboard.
Wouldn't you like to know
haha be afraid be very afraid.
but it would be easier if u chose one name and stuck to it so that we all know who it is we're addressing, makes things less confusing. lol sorry u felt insulted but just thought i should point it out...
[size=9]I NEVER WORE IT BECAUSE OF THE TALIBAN, MOTHER. I LIKE THE [b]MODESTY[/b] AND [b]PROTECTION[/b] IT AFFORDS ME FROM THE EYES OF MEN.[/size] [url=http://www.adherents.com/lit/comics/Dust.html]Dust, X-Men[/url]
her family is a bit messed up to be honest, i mean her brothers r married but they go out with 12 year olds and their in their late 20's/30. her eldest brother is disabled and they don't even let him go out of the house and treat him like crap as if he is something on the bottom of their shoes. he was married and after he had the accident and couldn't do anything for himself, they threw his wife out of the house and the fathers just as bad.
i met her mom god bless her when she was alive and she was a really nice person and i think to be honest she was the only person that kept the family together... and thats just sad really so in a way i feel sorry for her but she's got sisters and their quite mature like i have said people are different...
i've done what i could so am jus going to be civil with her
[b]EDIT[/b]
sam
just pray for them lots and lots and have faith in Allah to help them all,
at the end of the day nothing happens without Allah's will, isn't that right?
smile and be happy!!!
wow that is one messed up family they seem to have alot of issues and explains her behaviour , with such a bad environment now wonder she turned out the way she did.
The part that really worries me is
that is rape :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:
so firstly that should be reported and if you are not 100% sure dont spread such vicous rumours, otherwise it needs reporting, maybe an anonymous call to protect yourself
too bad about their older brother , but its better than care homes they are full of crap
Well hopefully their sisters are good
this reminds me of a similar case with a family in liverpool where the family of 2 children and 2 adults, the stepdad abused the one disabled child and the 2 elders were criminals, when a neighbour reported it the children were sent to care step father jailed and elders sent to rehab for his drug addiction.
I woudn't make up something like that cause its sick. her married brothers don't actually have relationships with the 12 year olds they jus abuse them n i swear down am not lying people have wittnessed it in his car am not even going to bother coming out with anything else
[b]EDIT[/b]
sam
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