Superwomen-Necessity or Choice?
Salaam
I was reading an article the other day which basically was arguing that women are expected to become “superwomen”-they must do it all or lose it all.
They become “supermums” and are “burned out” a few years later. And it was basically arguing that career-orientated women lead stressful lives and that too many of us have fallen prey to the feminist mystique....and that women should only focus on family and home and nothing else.
Islamically, it is the father/husbands job to financially provide for his family. I do not dispute that; however is it wrong for women to educate themselves just in case one day God forbid she won’t have a man in her life to financially take care of her?
My mum has stressed education for her girls, not so that we’d become “feminist and career orientated women who believe that we don’t need a man” but so that, if God Forbid something happens…we’d be able to take care of ourselves.
My grandfather passed away when mum was young, leaving my nan to marry off and bring up six young kids and cos my nan was not educated - mum’s family lived in relative poverty for years.
Mum put of marriage till she was qualified and earning money. Her qualifications also came in handy, because for the first three years of marriage dad was a student and not earning much…
Whilst men are obliged to financially take care of their women….I feel that many women lose out when they depend on their men 101% and are not equipped to take care of themselves…
Is it wrong to stress education for women as a back up?
Life doesn’t come with guarantee’s…people get divorced, widowed, or suffer from bankruptcy. And I also know of situations where the husband earns a lot of money but because of his stingy nature, out of desperation the wife is forced to ask others for money…
It depresses me when parents focus so much on their son’s education but for their girls they feel that GCSE’s is more than enough….
A few friends of mine are struggling to call their husbands over from Pakistan cos they have young children and are not educated and struggling to find work….
I don’t believe that women can survive without men.
After all it was dad who’s financially took care of all my needs since I was little-paid for my Uni fee’s, took me Hajj, brought me a car, has always dropped me off all my life wherever I wanted to go. It’s him I call up when I’m lost, or when the mobile company is ripping me off, or when the bank is messing me about or when work cuts my pay…I’d be lost without him.
But at the same time…I feel that women should be fully equipped to deal with whatever life throws at them and parents should stress education for their daughters for this reason.
I’m desperate to become a qualified teacher….I pray that I get accepted on to my teachers’ training course, but at the same I have no intention of being in full time employment….I just want to work when I feel like it, and have the reassurance that I can take care of myself.
How far do you guys agree with the above…?
Wasalaam
Superwomen-Necessity or Choice?
Superwomen-Necessity or Choice?
If the girl expects husband to shower her with expensive gifts and designer clothes then there has to be some give and take. In return the rich hubby may have a few expectations of his own.
He might expect the girl to be a pretty trophy wife that he can show off to everyone. So she better make sure she doesn’t put on too much weight, doesn’t have any bad hair days, or spots, or bad moods, and keeps smiling and looking pretty at all times.
It’s only fair.
Superwomen-Necessity or Choice?
Ramz you need to calm down a little. I don't see why you're acting like the victim. You were the one who began the accusations. I never called you shallow, yet you were the one who gave me that title along with self righteous? Granted i'd accept those qualities if i had made comments that warranted it, but i don't think i did.
I could have replied with a lot more disrespect if i had chosen but i didn't. What right have you to be angry exactly, i'm the one who should be angry?
No ones saying you must agree with my view or anyones views. We;re all entitled to our say here. I'm sorry if you felt like i was shoving my views down your throat. Ultimately you decide how you live, no ones telling you how to live so relax a little.
As for the designer handbag comment, well you made it sound as if you were referring to yourself. You didn't say it was an example, so it's a misunderstanding leave it at that.
Superwomen-Necessity or Choice?
apparently
according to my mosque teacher
a man MUST seek to give his wife the same life of luxury that she had at her parents home
dunno how tru that it
Superwomen-Necessity or Choice?
So the solution for a cheap skate man is to find a wife from a poverty stricken family and he won’t have to flash the cash too much.
Superwomen-Necessity or Choice?
Oh puh-lease... what are you women like.
A guy is obligated to provide for his partner to the best of his ability. If you wanted jewels and riches you should have asked for his banking details before marrying him.
If a guy cant afford to keep you in such comfort then you should have checked that before marrying him. But he's under no obligation to provide the same luxary that she enjoyed at her parents, meaning that if he can afford it he will provide, if he cant then he cant... get a job woman.
Superwomen-Necessity or Choice?
[quote="Seraphim"]Oh puh-lease... what are you women like.
[/quote]
errr seraph no all women are like that, read a few posts from other females and u will see what i mean.
Silly boy jumpin to conclusions :twisted:
Superwomen-Necessity or Choice?
[quote="Seraphim"]Oh puh-lease... what are you women like.
A guy is obligated to provide for his partner to the best of his ability. If you wanted jewels and riches you should have asked for his banking details before marrying him.
[/quote]
Obviously.
That is why women must never marry below their standard.
Superwomen-Necessity or Choice?
Salam
When a woman loves a man, she willing sacrifices all luxuries for him.
When a man loves a woman, he cannot sleep when she is not around.
Omrow
Superwomen-Necessity or Choice?
When a man loves a woman he gives her whatever she demands.
Superwomen-Necessity or Choice?
[quote="Ramz"]When a man loves a woman he gives her whatever she demands.[/quote]
not really... he's in love... that might make him crazy but he's not stupid.
Theres a difference.
Superwomen-Necessity or Choice?
[quote="Ramz"]When a man loves a woman he gives her whatever she demands.[/quote]
If a woman loved a man, what [i]could[/i] she demand?
Edit: When a man loves a woman, he gives. If she thinks its because she demands, thats up to her.
Superwomen-Necessity or Choice?
[quote="Dawud"][quote="Ramz"]When a man loves a woman he gives her whatever she demands.[/quote]
If a woman loved a man, what [i]could[/i] she demand?
.[/quote]
Proof of his love.
Superwomen-Necessity or Choice?
[quote="Ramz"]When a man loves a woman he gives her whatever she demands.[/quote]
Not if her demands are unreasonable. He would be foolish to give in to her every whim.
Superwomen-Necessity or Choice?
[quote="latifah"][quote="Ramz"]When a man loves a woman he gives her whatever she demands.[/quote]
Not if her demands are unreasonable. He would be foolish to give in to her every whim.[/quote]
You do get many foolish men out there though...
My neighbour has the loan sharks knocking on his door at the moment because his wife has got him into so much debt.
It is true that a man gives his woman all that she wants when he is crazy in love with her....but this is def not a good thing.
Superwomen-Necessity or Choice?
[quote="Ramz"][quote="Dawud"][quote="Ramz"]When a man loves a woman he gives her whatever she demands.[/quote]
If a woman loved a man, what [i]could[/i] she demand?
.[/quote]
Proof of his love.[/quote]
what kind of proof wud u want?
some claim that they would jump of the cliff if their lover asked
what kinda proof wud u ask for?
Superwomen-Necessity or Choice?
she has already answered that. A five figure salary... that he just hands over to her.
Us men normally call that slavery, but each to their own definition. :twisted:
Superwomen-Necessity or Choice?
[quote="Angel"]errr seraph no all women are like that, read a few posts from other females and u will see what i mean.
Silly boy jumpin to conclusions[/quote]
Yes u are dont lie to me. Ive seen all the movies.
Its your fault the millenium dome failed... you know what you did!!
Stop telling me to jump off things... manipulative little scot.
[quote="Ramz"]Obviously.
That is why women must never marry below their standard.[/quote]
This coming from a girl who wants a partner who earns a five figour salary when she dont earn no where near that much. A Word of advice Ramz, before you can demand a five figour salary try earning a five figour salary.. then you'll get someone to you so-called 'level'.
And thats why men shouldnt bother coming down to womens "level" of insecurity we'll only get beaten with experience. Guy should marry whoever he wants and not worry about levels... let the old fogies worry about that cr@p.
The fact that he married her and comes home every night, eats what she puts infront of him, doesnt tell her shes fat and loosing it should be all the proof you need of his love. Asking him to hand over all his wealth is not love... its stupidity. Buying gifts on special occations ... is fine IMO... buying expensive gifts all the time... a waste of money.
Superwomen-Necessity or Choice?
[quote="Seraphim"]
The fact that he married her and comes home every night, eats what she puts infront of him, doesnt tell her shes fat and loosing it should be all the proof you need of his love...[/quote]
lol!
Superwomen-Necessity or Choice?
[quote="Seraphim"]
The fact that he married her and comes home every night, eats what she puts infront of him, doesnt tell her shes fat and loosing it should be all the proof you need of his love. .[/quote]
Most forced marraiges where the husband or wife didnt want to be with one another in the first place run like that too. That does not mean they love one another.
What can be a better expression of love than giving all that you own to your partner? Proving that his love for her is more valuable then his wealth.
Superwomen-Necessity or Choice?
[quote="Ramz"]What can be a better expression of love than giving all that you own to your partner? Proving that his love for her is more valuable then his wealth.[/quote]
But why should it be?
Afterall he worked for his wealth. He can do whatever he likes with it. He can shpower with it, or spend it on himself. Noone, not even his living wife has any right whatsoever to demand it all.
All she has a right to is a decent amount needed for her expenses. Remember that Islamically the Woman does not have to give any of her wealth to her husband, so if she is rich, she can even allow him to (almost) starve to death without any obligation on her!
If any woman demands proof of love through finance, she does not love her husband herself.
Superwomen-Necessity or Choice?
By Islamic law Muslim men must provide for their wives. If the wife is at home making babies and looking after the house for him. When can she go out and work?
It is because of the fact that Muslim women can not work themselves that men must provide for her every single need.
Superwomen-Necessity or Choice?
provide for is not the same as handing over everything.
If the woman is well fed, clothed, and her needs met, there is nothing more required, but more can be given.
The thing about extravagance is it should IMO be avoided. Simplicity is always best.
Superwomen-Necessity or Choice?
[quote="Ramz"]By Islamic law Muslim men must provide for their wives. If the wife is at home making babies and looking after the house for him. When can she go out and work?
[/quote]
My cousin works and she has two kids, she gets help from her mother-in-law, she works four hours a day, 4 days a week which is not too much i guess but for a mother of two i would think it is. It's all about how active a person is. Two kids can wear you out but if you really want to work then you can.
Superwomen-Necessity or Choice?
Giving your entire wealth to a loved one isn't the highest expression of love. Wealth isn't everything. The fact that he presented himself to you, and made sacred oaths to be yours till his dying day should count for a lot more than a wad of cash and jewels.
If a woman desires excessive wealth she should work for it. Don't expect a wealthy man to give you his wealth by default via marriage, simply to express his undying "love" for you. No man owes a woman his entire bank account. Marriage isn't a financial transaction if women see it that way they're morally bankrupt. Men who are willing to give a lot of their wealth to their women often want something in return. So if you're willing to be a pawn on his monopoly table and lose all sense of dignity just to get your hands on his money then fair dos role the dice make headway.
BTW i don't work i remain home coz i have to look after my husbands mother and do domestic chores. Insha'Allah i'll have children to look after soon. Obviously my husband provides for my upkeep thats his duty morally and religiously. But I don't expect luxury items from him. I know if he could afford it he'd give me them willingly anyway. If i were the sort of woman who was always complaining about money, crying coz i couldn't get a diamond or the latest shoes then it would ruin our marriage. The acquisition of wealth isn't more important than losing my husband. If i had a certain lifestyle that i couldn't do without i'd get a job rather than be a parasite to my husband.
Superwomen-Necessity or Choice?
Wouldnt it be less of a headache if the man kept the money and dealt with the phone/gas/electric bill, payed the rent, council tax etc etc?
In fact...I've always believed that if there are two incomes coming in the house, the husband and wife should have seperate accounts.
I'd rather pay for something myself or go without rather then pester others for money.
Most men naturally pride themselves in being financially able to provide for their family....but to fund an extravagent lifestyle is a totally different issue.
Superwomen-Necessity or Choice?
I dont think guys have a problem dealing with the everyday bills and what not. But from what her earns he's obligated to use that to support his family, what she earns however is for her to use as she pleases. She is under no such obligation to support the family. Ofcourse she can if she wises to contribute but doesnt have to.
It would be interesting to see what would happen if the roles where reversed and the guys had to stay at home with the kids whilst the women went out and worked full time.
Superwomen-Necessity or Choice?
[quote="Ramz"]What can be a better expression of love than giving all that you own to your partner? Proving that his love for her is more valuable then his wealth.[/quote]
lol. one of my aunts recently told me: 'you know your husband loves you when he cleans up after you when you're sick.'
Superwomen-Necessity or Choice?
[quote="*DUST*"][quote="Ramz"]What can be a better expression of love than giving all that you own to your partner? Proving that his love for her is more valuable then his wealth.[/quote]
lol. one of my aunts recently told me: 'you know your husband loves you when he cleans up after you when you're sick.'[/quote]
lol, i'm presently in self imposed quarantine because I've got a cold and don't want to put her or the twins in jeopardy.
This makes me "thick skulled"
Superwomen-Necessity or Choice?
[quote="† Don Karnage"]lol, i'm presently in self imposed quarantine because I've got a cold and don't want to put her or the twins in jeopardy.
This makes me "thick skulled"[/quote]
But the question is wether the door is locked from the outside...
Lol Ramz in life you need basic things to survive ie food/drink/roof over your head. If your hubby can't provide a monthly manicure for you, tough. If the guy brings food on your table and has a roof over your head then he is fulfilling his duties, i don't think it says anywhere that he MUST provide monthly manicures! Like Yash said its give and take, marriage is all about compromise, if your hubby cant give u certain things then understand his situation and accept it.