THE MEAT MARKET

Ramz —

Ive finally resigned to putting myself through the degrading process of the meat market. Lets face at age 24 Im not getting any younger and its not as if I any longer have a man in my life. I refuse to met desi guys but I told mum that Im OK with seeing guys from this country. The whole process is a lot of crock I have to come out wearing my best sari, smile and preen and act as if Im a whizz in the kitchen and the perfect traditonal bengali girl. The truth is far from it. Its a fake act that I have to put on.

Lately Ive been thinking, since I pretend to be someone that Im not then the guys are most prob doing the same thing. :shock: But at the same time I cant be myself as I know that no one will want me. On top of that every guy that has walked through my door has been a wet blanket. But still I have to act as his protuding belly and receding hairline is the next bext thing since sliced bread. Mum tells me I should be grateful for what I get :roll:

Im having a shit time back home for my christmas holidays. But Ive vowed not to date again. It only leads to heartache and the feeling of being used. Does any one have any tips on how to act when being put through the meat market? Are there any success stories

Forum

equanimity — Sun, 25 Dec 2005 - 02:12

I have many freinds who have extreme pressure on them to marry into their caste systems and into families, surely this is wrong and unislamic
the perpous of marriage is to expand islam
in addition caste systems are agaisnt islamic principles

24/25 can be seen as old , but not worth panicking about , when you reach 30 then panick shock

Anyway as a guy i dont know much about this dilemma , but as ramz stated the problems of dating, i know of many girls who are desperate to get married and avoid being sent back yard, as a result they turn to dating and get attached too quickly, guys are quick to pick up on this e.g. they boast ' i got my girl hooked, she'll do anything for me', then many girls will get exploited.

I think the best and safest route of marriage for muslim girls are through family or imams, dating is unislamic and far too risky

are there any happily married people on this forum? admin? , i think your advice on marriage could be of great benefit

*DUST* — Sun, 25 Dec 2005 - 03:33

[quote="Ramz"]I never cover my head with a scarf when I meet rishta's. I dont see the point as I dont cover my head outside the house. But Im considering wearing the scarf very soon. But I still dont think that I'd cover my head in front of suitors, because the guy has a right to see a persons hair IMO. Thats where a girls beauty lies. I asked the head of my study circle teacher and she told me that there is a difference of opinion regarding this. Apparently some scholars have even said that a guy can see a womens leg if he wishes. Of course I wouldnt expose my legs and if the guy asked he'd be shown the door. But thats only because I dont expose my legs outside the home either.

Anyway, was that girl right?[/quote]
Ramz, i checked up on this, and its fairly clear cut that a suitor is not allowed to see the girl's hair, let alone the legs.

his sister and mother or other female relatives would be able to confirm that she doesnt have spiky pink hair... 😉

Ramz — Sun, 25 Dec 2005 - 15:59

[quote="yuit"]I think at the age of 25 if you ain't beginning to become worry about marriage, there something wrong because everything will catch up really quick and before u know u 30. .[/quote]

I disagree. I'd would to be married by 30. But of course my parents have other plans. :roll:

I'm not worried about this desi shelf life stuff.

BTW Aasiyah mothers are known to be fibbers. Especially in this rishta buisness. Everyone including my own parents try to convey their child as someone they are not. Thats why I hate this system.

yuit — Sun, 25 Dec 2005 - 17:00

[quote="Ramz"][quote="yuit"]I think at the age of 25 if you ain't beginning to become worry about marriage, there something wrong because everything will catch up really quick and before u know u 30. .[/quote]

I disagree. I'd would to be married by 30. But of course my parents have other plans. :roll:

I'm not worried about this desi shelf life.
[/quote]

It not about shelf life, it just about being prepare for the future. IMO if a man or woman are not worried about marriage and still enjoying single life at 25, there a good chance the marriage scene with pass them by, because if you start looking at the age of 30, the opportunity, experience and option of finding someone is going to be much more harder. That why it important to at least be thinking in this direction at 25 IMO. When someone decide to get married it is up too them, it their own personal choice, but i personally wouldn't recommend leaving it too late.

Ramz — Mon, 26 Dec 2005 - 14:08

Another moan.

Why do people wrongly sell themselves in the rishta process. Why dont people expose themselves warts an all? Some mothers remind me of cheesy salespersons who make out as if their son is the best thing ever when he isnt. I can understand exagerating a bit like people do in their CV's but lying is WRONG.

This is another reason why I dont want to get married this way. Only liars get married via the meat market because they cant find anyone the honest way.

*DUST* — Tue, 27 Dec 2005 - 02:57

[quote="Ramz"]Another moan.

Why do people wrongly sell themselves in the rishta process. Why dont people expose themselves warts an all? Some mothers remind me of cheesy salespersons who make out as if their son is the best thing ever when he isnt. I can understand exagerating a bit like people do in their CV's but lying is WRONG.

This is another reason why I dont want to get married this way. Only liars get married via the meat market because they cant find anyone the honest way.[/quote]
well thats y (islamically) u should see the person before u get married to them. and to be honest, deception depends on the family/person and what they are like, not on the process. there's often loadsa deception involved in dating too.

ok to turn this point around for the sake of discussion - doesnt this mean that women shouldnt wear make-up in the 'rishta process'? 😉

Ramz — Tue, 27 Dec 2005 - 12:25

Whats wrong with make up?

Make up only enhances it doesnt change a persons appearance.

*DUST* — Tue, 27 Dec 2005 - 12:54

[quote="Ramz"]Whats wrong with make up?

Make up only enhances it doesnt change a persons appearance.[/quote]
yeh but say if u saw an actress/model without her make-up ud b like 'whoa, is that really her?!' - my bros think that women with make-up look 'fake'. a little is ok, but i mean the whole works, foundation and wotnot, makes a person look like someone they're not.

make-up certainly doesnt involve exposing yourself 'warts and all' right? 😉 so i guess guys could argue that loadsa make-up counts as 'deception' too.

muslim_kuri — Tue, 27 Dec 2005 - 12:58

[quote="Aasiyah"]i mean the whole works, foundation and wotnot, makes a person look like someone they're not.[/quote]

thats true...itz amazing what make-up can do 4 a girl - totally transform her face :!: hmmmm not a gud idea when a potential partner is coming ta have a look>>>>he'd rather wana see the way she really looks

but IMO a little doesnt hurt...as long as it dont look like a mask :!:

Medarris — Tue, 27 Dec 2005 - 13:58

I dont think it is all deception. I can understand if you getting married outside the family then deception is most likely involved. But from the marriages and rishtey that I seen being done within the family, its been pretty straightforward.

No deception cos they know each other from before. They dont speak to each other but are aware of the other person, see how he/she behaves, what they like etc.

muslim_kuri — Tue, 27 Dec 2005 - 16:35

[quote="Med"] They dont speak to each other but are aware of the other person, see how he/she behaves, what they like etc.[/quote]

thats what i dont like - i mean they should talk 2 each other...its the person your gona spend the rest of your life with atleast exchange a few words :!:

seeing how someone behaves and knowing about their likes/dislikes is one thing but i would prefer talking to the person myself (obviously within the boundaries set by Islam)!

You — Tue, 27 Dec 2005 - 17:01

[quote="Med"]But from the marriages and rishtey that I seen being done within the family, its been pretty straightforward.[/quote]

I would say this is the most complicated type of relationship.

If both families already know each other, and something goes wrong with the marriage (you know... personality clashes do happen), there will be hell to pay. everyone will be at each others throats.

Ramz — Tue, 27 Dec 2005 - 18:59

[quote="Admin"][quote="Med"]But from the marriages and rishtey that I seen being done within the family, its been pretty straightforward.[/quote]

I would say this is the most complicated type of relationship.

If both families already know each other, and something goes wrong with the marriage (you know... personality clashes do happen), there will be hell to pay. everyone will be at each others throats.[/quote]

I agree. Marriages within the family are the worst nightmares. TOOOOOOOO many people are involved. And Aasiya when I speak about make up I'm only referring to eye liner and maybe some light eye shadow nothing OTT.

Dawud — Tue, 27 Dec 2005 - 20:53

[quote="muslim_kuri"]nothing wrong with a little make-up gota look presentable[/quote]

I beg to differ.

8) But shades are cool.

*DUST* — Wed, 28 Dec 2005 - 00:21

[quote="Dawud"][quote="muslim_kuri"]nothing wrong with a little make-up gota look presentable[/quote]

I beg to differ.[/quote]
Dawud, please expand on your view then...! 🙂

muslim_kuri — Wed, 28 Dec 2005 - 14:21

[quote="Aasiyah"]
Dawud, please expand on your view then...! :)[/quote]

my thoughts exactly :!:

MuslimSister — Thu, 29 Dec 2005 - 12:57

Salaam

An aunty once told me that some family who came to look at their daughter…her daughter was a full time Hijaabi but the family rejected her cos she wore an hijaab.

Her daughter took it to heart and decided to take of her hijaab. Another family came to look at her and rejected her because she didn’t wear the hijaab. I couldn’t help but laugh when she told me this (I know it’s sad)….but the way she was telling me this was funny too.

A person should be themselves…if they cant cook then they shouldn’t pretend that they can…if they don’t have a job then they should so say…if they are not religious then the shouldn’t pretend to be…

A person should have a “like it or lump it” attitude…Its pointless and dangerous trying to make out as if your someone that you’re not.

It too find the meat market degrading. However, even though I can go on and on about all the things that are wrong with it. I can’t think of an alternative either.

Wasalaam

Dawud — Thu, 29 Dec 2005 - 17:56

[quote="Aasiyah"][quote="Dawud"][quote="muslim_kuri"]nothing wrong with a little make-up gota look presentable[/quote]

I beg to differ.[/quote]
Dawud, please expand on your view then...! :)[/quote]

Oh er...right.

If you're being screened then I don't think you should wear make up (or take off your hijab if you wear one, niqab- I think its okay to take that off)
You should wash your face and comb your hair (hey thats more than i do most days) and then if a prospective candidate can't hack it, fine.

I just don't think wearing make up is a good idea as the whole idea of it is to make you look good.

I was in the meat market the other day, the sheep heads reminded me of that jibba jabba dude out of star wars. 😂

MuslimSister — Thu, 29 Dec 2005 - 18:00

[quote="Dawud"]

You should wash your face and comb your hair (hey thats more than i do most days) and then if a prospective candidate can't hack it, fine.

I just don't think wearing make up is a good idea as the whole idea of it is to make you look good.

[/quote]

Some take this to the other extreme and make themselves look "ugly".

The stories some people have of their experiences in the "meat market" are hilarious and at times disturbing.

muslim_kuri — Thu, 29 Dec 2005 - 20:26

[quote="MuslimSister"]A person should have a “like it or lump it” attitude…Its pointless and dangerous trying to make out as if your someone that you’re not.
[/quote]

I totally agree - but try telling that 2 most parents

Seraphim — Thu, 29 Dec 2005 - 21:03

[quote="muslim_kuri"][quote="MuslimSister"]A person should have a “like it or lump it” attitude…Its pointless and dangerous trying to make out as if your someone that you’re not.
[/quote]

I totally agree - but try telling that 2 most parents[/quote]

aint that the truth :roll:

muslim_kuri — Thu, 29 Dec 2005 - 22:37

[quote="Seraphim"][quote="muslim_kuri"][quote="MuslimSister"]A person should have a “like it or lump it” attitude…Its pointless and dangerous trying to make out as if your someone that you’re not.
[/quote]

I totally agree - but try telling that 2 most parents[/quote]

aint that the truth :roll:[/quote]

ya its the truth duh....but some parents want their kids ta come across as being absolutely perfect or as absolutely someone else altogether :!:

Seraphim — Fri, 30 Dec 2005 - 12:04

[quote="muslim_kuri"][quote="Seraphim"][quote="muslim_kuri"][quote="MuslimSister"]A person should have a “like it or lump it” attitude…Its pointless and dangerous trying to make out as if your someone that you’re not.
[/quote]

I totally agree - but try telling that 2 most parents[/quote]

aint that the truth :roll:[/quote]

ya its the truth duh....but some parents want their kids ta come across as being absolutely perfect or as absolutely someone else altogether :!:[/quote]

Maybe they shouldnt tell you why some1 has come over to meet you... that way you're more likely to be yourself.

star — Fri, 30 Dec 2005 - 14:08

[quote="muslim_kuri"]ya its the truth duh....but some parents want their kids ta come across as being absolutely perfect or as absolutely someone else altogether :!:[/quote]

true...my mum acts like we so good when people come down, not that we bad ..but i dislike the fact she goes telling them my daughters and sons are like this, they listen to everything we say blah blah blah....

You — Fri, 30 Dec 2005 - 14:38

My mum is the exact opposite.

I once got 99% in school exams (Maths AND science.) (we are talking yonk ago now...)

My mum: why only 99%?

I can never succeed.

star — Fri, 30 Dec 2005 - 14:46

[quote="Admin"]My mum is the exact opposite.

I once got 99% in school exams (Maths AND science.) (we are talking yonk ago now...)

My mum: why only 99%?

I can never succeed.[/quote]

admin you come across that poem fingy...

U know when yr asian... thats typical asian familys for all. lol