Big Boys Don’t Cry
Salaam
Is what I said to one of the boys in a school I was working in who was crying his eyes out because the other boys had taken his toys…
I’ve never said this to little girls though.
As Muslims we all try to live our life doing what’s “expected” of us by Islam.
However, as always when it comes to gender issues sometimes things get a bit cloudy.
I agree with the statement that “A Man should be a man and a woman should be a woman”.
However, what exactly are women expected to act like and when do men start acting like women?
I can understand the clear cut differences in dress and mannerisms….but what about how one chooses to live their life?
Different people make different choices in life…just because other people’s choices aren't the same as ours…this doesn't invalidate their choice...
I know a couple, the wife works and earns good money whilst the husband is a “househusband”…Islamically, is anything wrong with that? So maybe it’s not ideal but if the husband and wife don’t have an issue with this, then no one else has a right to condemn or judge…
If a guy chooses to spend his time in the kitchen, does that mean he’s “acting like a girl”?
If the wife brings home the money and the husband stays at home and looks after the house and kids, does that mean the wife “wears the trousers in the house”?
If a guy is considerate enough to help around the house…do the cooking and cleaning etc is he “feminine” or does the “wife have him under her thumb”?
If the husband is considerate enough to consult his wife before he makes major decisions....Is he not “manly enough”?
Is a woman only acting like a REAL woman when she spends ALL her time at home totally devoted to keeping a immaculate home and keeping her husband happy? Is she any less of a “real woman” if she does the above as well as pursuing some of her own interests too?
If a man chooses to talk about his feelings or is moved to tears when something deeply upsets him...Is he not "manly" enough?
Are the roles and responsibilities of boys and girls black and white? Doesn’t the culture, time and society play a role in this?
So, yeah I just want to know when YOU think a guy starts to act like a girl and vice versa.
Wasalaam
Big Boys Don’t Cry
Big Boys Don’t Cry
Salaam
I heard a scholar once quote a hadith which said …“when you read the Qur’an you should cry and if you can not cry you should at least act as if you’re crying”.
He also added that women are easily moved to tears and this is a spiritual advantage they have over men…
Women, on the whole have softer hearts, therefore they’re naturally more merciful, compassionate, forgiving, and patient….men on the other hand have to achieve and work hard at acquiring these praiseworthy characteristics.
Sheikh Humza Yusuf also said that dry eyes are an indication of a hard heart.
Wasalaam
Big Boys Don’t Cry
MS i think what you meant is when someone is praying orasking for forgivenness, then one must cry or atleast look astho they are. Its said becuz Allah swt see's that we are really sorry and will forgive us.
Regarding Men crying, I think every man shud be able to cry when asking for forgiveness from Allah swt.
Men crying in cases wher they think they are in a situation they cannot bear, and cannot figure out how to get outta it. Then crying isn't the right way to go about it for men. Men crying because they are worried about something worldly i.e. money, their job etc is kinda feminine.
But Men crying in cases of death of someone is ovviously.
There are other times, for example when contemplating the past etc. E.g. My grandma had a stroke in 2000, and when i see her sometimes, and when i remember how she used to be, it often brings tears to my eyes, not sobbing cryin but tears, Thas cool also,
If a person cant cry over anything at all except the death of someone, then i think they shud worry cuz their heart is dead.
Big Boys Don’t Cry
[quote="MuslimSister"]
I heard a scholar once quote a hadith which said …“when you read the Qur’an you should cry and if you can not cry you should at least act as if you’re crying”. [/quote]
we were told this when we did zikr at MICS and it makes sense - when your asking 4 forgiveness and mercy from Allah then crying is natural
Big Boys Don’t Cry
[quote="razor"]MS i think what you meant is when someone is praying orasking for forgivenness, then one must cry or atleast look astho they are. Its said becuz Allah swt see's that we are really sorry and will forgive us.
[/quote]
that i can do sometimes..but its a real problem when i cant just let my tears out, like they say if the heart is humble all the rest of the body parts and limbs are followers of it..
and if the hesrt is rectified the whole body is rectified and if corrupt the whole body is corrupt..
like you said this is worrying.
Big Boys Don’t Cry
I found this article useful
When was the last time you cried? Not a few drops of salty water from your eyes, or the odd tear that slipped down your face while watching Muhammad, the Palestinian boy screaming in agony.
I’m talking about a flood of tears that won’t stop. Tears that stain your face. Tears that sting your face because they’ve been there so long, their bitter saltiness hurts your skin.
When was the last time you cried like a baby. Back when you, and all of us, were closer to our Fitra, our true nature.
Crying happens when we remember how much Allah has blessed us with and how much we disobey Him. We can never repay Allah for everything we have, yet we still blatantly commit sins both big and small: whether it’s backbiting, taking and giving interest, treating our family badly, lying, doing good deeds to show off, cheating, etc.
Remembering this, and remembering Allah’s Mercy towards us should make us cry. Remembering how powerful He is, how He can destroy us and this world because of our disobedience, yet He chooses to have Mercy on us instead.
We should also remember how Allah puts us in difficulties and opens ways out of them for us, easing our burdens. Yet, we still disobey Him and take His Mercy for granted.
Abdullah ibn Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) said he would rather shed two tears from the fear of Allah than give a thousand dinars in charity.
And the most telling example of a man who few would think would cry because of Allah is Umar (may Allah be pleased with him). He was known for being strong, fearless, and uncompromising when it came to matters of faith. Yet, Abdullah ibn Isa said that Umar had two black streaks on his face because of constant weeping.
He feared Allah so much that he said ‘If someone announced from the heavens that everybody will enter Paradise except one person, I would fear that that person would be me.
[url=http://www.therevival.co.uk/ramadan/crying_allah.php]LINK[/url]
Big Boys Don’t Cry
[quote="MuslimSister"]
When was the last time you cried like a baby. Back when you, and all of us, were closer to our Fitra, our true nature.
[/quote]
That above line is deep. mashaALLAH.
It so simple and obvious but I never thought about it like that. The pious people can cry so easily over their sins and can cry so easily when supplicating because they are closer to their childhood state of innocence!
Thank you, that line will give me a lot to think about for a good few hours.
May ALLAH reward you. May ALLAH Rabbul Izzat cleanse us and purify us just as a white clothing is cleansed and purified from its dirt.
ameen
Big Boys Don’t Cry
[quote="razor"]
If a person cant cry over anything at all except the death of someone, then i think they shud worry cuz their heart is dead.[/quote]
woh woh woh
comeon that aint fair. Just bcoz they dont wimper and cry like baby over every little thing (thats prob out of their control anyway) doesnt mean they hav a dead heart.
They just except there some things that are beyond our control. So what the use in crying over them. The death of some1 close to them is different bcoz u suddenly realise you aint never gonna see that person again. You took them for granted that they're always gonna be there but truth is nothing in life is sure except death.... and taxes.
Big Boys Don’t Cry
[quote="Seraphim"][quote="razor"]
If a person cant cry over anything at all except the death of someone, then i think they shud worry cuz their heart is dead.[/quote]
woh woh woh
comeon that aint fair. Just bcoz they dont wimper and cry like baby over every little thing (thats prob out of their control anyway) doesnt mean they hav a dead heart.
They just except there some things that are beyond our control. So what the use in crying over them. The death of some1 close to them is different bcoz u suddenly realise you aint never gonna see that person again. You took them for granted that they're always gonna be there but truth is nothing in life is sure except death.... and taxes.[/quote]
doesnt look like u read all of razor's post - he also said that men crying over little worldly things is 'feminine' too... and he was referring to crying during du'a:
[quote="razor"]Regarding Men crying, I think every man shud be able to cry when asking for forgiveness from Allah swt.
Men crying in cases wher they think they are in a situation they cannot bear, and cannot figure out how to get outta it. Then crying isn't the right way to go about it for men. Men crying because they are worried about something worldly i.e. money, their job etc is kinda feminine.[/quote]
Big Boys Don’t Cry
[quote="Seraphim"][quote="razor"]
If a person cant cry over anything at all except the death of someone, then i think they shud worry cuz their heart is dead.[/quote]
woh woh woh
comeon that aint fair. Just bcoz they dont wimper and cry like baby over every little thing (thats prob out of their control anyway) doesnt mean they hav a dead heart.
.[/quote]
[quote="MuslimSister"]
Sheikh Humza Yusuf also said that dry eyes are an indication of a hard heart.
[/quote]
they shudnt be cry babies of course-
but they shouldnt be as hard as rock either and NEVER be moved to tears
Big Boys Don’t Cry
Salaam
In Uni I learnt how kids lot a lot via play…when they are young they learn more through play then via formal education. That’s why up until the age of 8 “play” is in their daily timetable.
So, in lower school kids are often given “free time” in which they can go and play with whatever they want…some run to the construction area, some go to the sand area, some read books, some play on the computer whilst the rest either dress up or play in the home centre area.
Overall there are no major gender divisions in where the kids choose to play….its not unusual for me to separate two kids (a boy and a girl) fighting over a Barbie doll or some toy truck.
I often play with little boys in the home centre area…(I sit on the lil table and get them to cook for me)…. A young boy actively engaging in pretend house which includes cooking, cleaning, role-playing, caring for a doll etc shouldn’t be frowned upon….and when it comes to “tidy up time” its incredibly important that girls and boys help in sweeping/washing up and putting the stuff away….no kid is allowed to skive.
The fact that up until the age of 8 activities are not divided by gender in lower schools makes me wonder how much we influence kids into choosing toys/colours/activities that are socially acceptable to their gender…
And who decides that boys should wear blue and girls should wear pink?
Would you be up in arms if you saw your young son carrying a baby doll around the house?
Wasalaam
Big Boys Don’t Cry
Last time I cried was on......................
Big Boys Don’t Cry
[quote="(*_Khamzat"]Last time I cried was on......................[/quote]
Are we supposed to ask when, if so when?
Big Boys Don’t Cry
[quote="Angel"][quote="(*_Khamzat"]Last time I cried was on......................[/quote]
Are we supposed to ask when, if so when?[/quote]
When he lost him milk bottle last week he said.
Not to worry, i bought him a new one 😃
Big Boys Don’t Cry
[quote="razor"][quote="Angel"][quote="(*_Khamzat"]Last time I cried was on......................[/quote]
Are we supposed to ask when, if so when?[/quote]
When he lost him milk bottle last week he said.
Not to worry, i bought him a new one :D[/quote]
was on Lailat ul-Qadr......................................
Big Boys Don’t Cry
i cant remember the last time I cried :shock:
I'm not a cry baby-my style is to get angry when I'm upset
Big Boys Don’t Cry
Salam
Speaking of crying.
Have you ever wondered why God makes babies cry ?
I was watching No Angels. Its so educational as well as funny. Pure entertainment. Well done Channel 4. Lia is intelligent, and Kate is... God, what can I say. She is good. Infact, both are alright. So sharp. Whereas, Beth and Anji are a complete waste of clay.
Anyway, one of the lady doctors said that crying is actually good for the your immune system.
That means crying is beneficial. It increases your health.
Omrow
Big Boys Don’t Cry
[quote="Omrow"]Salam
Speaking of crying.
Have you ever wondered why God makes babies cry ?
I was watching No Angels. Its so educational as well as funny. Pure entertainment. Well done Channel 4. Lia is intelligent, and Kate is... God, what can I say. She is good. Infact, both are alright. So sharp. Whereas, Beth and Anji are a complete waste of clay.
Anyway, one of the lady doctors said that crying is actually good for the your immune system.
That means crying is beneficial. It increases your health.
Omrow[/quote]
i thought no angels was about slutty unproffessional nurses that live a messed up life. and dnt decribe anyone as God its so disrespectful, i knw its a figure of speech but really be careful with what you say...
Big Boys Don’t Cry
[quote="madiha"] no angels was about slutty unproffessional nurses that live a messed up life. [/quote]
:shock:
really?
no wonder the omro loves that show :roll:
Big Boys Don’t Cry
[quote="MuslimSisLilSis"][quote="madiha"] no angels was about slutty unproffessional nurses that live a messed up life. [/quote]
:shock:
really?
no wonder the omro loves that show :roll:[/quote]
i'm not sure now, but i thought it was. i haven't watched it but im sure i read somewhere about it.
Big Boys Don’t Cry
Salam
1.) I don't think Omrow meant "kate [size=18]is[/size] ..."
I think he meant "Kate is...er..wow..blah blah"
Point being I don't think he was committing shirk (that words not been used for a few minths now 😃 ) I think he meant like when people say:
"Oh my God"
or:
"Ya Allah"
2.) okay secondly, I thought 'No angels' was a program about problem kids and child psychologists or something.
3.) Last time I cried, well thats sort of private. 8)
[quote="Aasiyah"][quote="Dawud"]I know, I thought, have [blank] and [blank] got [the same cheese curer at the local dairy] when we weren't looking,[/quote]
😂 wots with the change Dawud?[/quote]
i guess some JINN told him off..