Helping

Northen Southener —

What I've spent my morning thinking:

How can you help someone who doesn't want to be helped?

Sitting on the sideline is slowly but surely killing you both.

But any time you try to help - you get shot down, shut out. (because he's older than you so clearly "knows better")

It's not even like he's your child, so slapping him over the head and forcing him to do the right thing is out of the question too.

You're 100% certain he will benifit from the proposed changes and it will improve his life in countless ways. (not just this life)

Yet all can do is watch "what could have been" get flushed down the pan.

 

The Lamp — Wed, 9 May 2012 - 14:36

I hear you, I really do. All you can do is be gentle, wise or understanding and try and discourage it, if they don't listen you just have to wait for them to come back to you (if at all, you'll have to pray for them, maybe).

 If they do, hopefully they'll thank you for your patience.

 But I think you're describing a guy- there's one thing that guys love- SPACE.

 Give him advice/naseeha and then if you give him space, could that help?

Northen Southener — Wed, 9 May 2012 - 14:45

I've done the whole "space" thing, but I don't know how effective that is.

At least before, while we were having our daily disagreements etc, he had someone to answer to so wasn't as loose a cannon as he may have become in the last 18 months.

The Lamp — Wed, 9 May 2012 - 14:49

I think asking a mutual friend for advice might be the better thing to do, no? Because unfortunately I don't know enough about the situation.

 Based on your other posts you seem to a married guy with kids (I wouldn't have guessed that) and I don't know how he's related to you, or who he was answering to.

 

 I think you could try understanding WHY he acts defensive or like he does.

Northen Southener — Wed, 9 May 2012 - 15:01

[quote=The Lamp]

 I think you could try understanding WHY he acts defensive or like he does.

[/quote]

I'm in the process of putting a blog post together to lay out my thoughts on that.

 

But this post was more of a general discussion than me seeking advise for myself.

I did seek advise from a life coach, three different Imams, and my therapist. So I think I covered a number of avenues that I had at my disposal.

 

Hummus — Wed, 9 May 2012 - 15:12

[quote=Northen Southener]

I did seek advise from a life coach, three different Imams, and my therapist. So I think I covered a number of avenues that I had at my disposal.

[/quote]

Wooow! This is one topic thats been affecting you for a while! ^ That takes effort!

Northen Southener — Wed, 9 May 2012 - 15:23

[quote=Hummus]

Wooow! This is one topic thats been affecting you for a while!

[/quote]

Not too long. Only 30 years so far.

😉

Hummus — Wed, 9 May 2012 - 15:27

[quote=Northen Southener]

[quote=Hummus]

Wooow! This is one topic thats been affecting you for a while!

[/quote]

Not too long. Only 30 years so far.

😉

[/quote]

Hmmmm... since the day you were born?

Hummus — Wed, 9 May 2012 - 16:10

[quote=Northen Southener]

no - the first week or so wasn't too bad.

[/quote]

Sooo sarcastic (!) Probably because you didn't have the ability to listen neither speak or argue!