Which One Do YOU Prefer

[quote="MuslimSisLilSis"][quote="St George"]

U shuld be thankful u got da option…

either way…u got a guaranteed wife/husband…no probs…it literatly on a plate…

[/quote]

Georgy porgy dont aim very high does he

ANYONE can find a wife

finding a decent wife is the porblem

u dont want to end up with someone who ends up running for Britians Worst Wife (btw did anyones watch that today?)[/quote]

but lilsis...any wife is better than no wife...

and it aint dat easy to get a wife! these days most girls dont even wanna get married, they just want to have a baby so they can get a flat...so even though im a very good catch, it aint easy to get a real missis....

least if u have arranged marriage u get a good selection...otherwise u might end up havin to marry some man wiv an ASBO 😂

[quote="St George"]

i dont mind scots girls...they ok...bit fiesty though, a bit lippy, but they acceptable 😃

im sure u a scottish patriot, good 4 u...i bet u will make ur husband ware a kilt at ur wedding... 😉

so find me a decent scots girl, angel...

she gotta be intellegent...2:1 degree mimimum...good cook...houseproud...etc etc....and make sure she studyed RE at school, i aint gonna marry no girl who cannot match my depth of religious knowledge :wink:[/quote]

ewww i hate guys in kilts!! as for findin you a gal, its gona be tricky u have a lotta bad things to say bout scots than good but i think a scots gal can sort you out an turn you into a decent gentlemen (will take work but nothin is impossible!)

But how am i gona make any gal interested in you when i dont have nothin good to say bout you? 😛

p.s. how far did u get in your education 😉

Salam

Furbal. Its a mixture of the two.

Cant you think for yourself !!

Omrow

its intresting that FIVE people-thats 50% also prefer NEITHER type of marraige

I didn’t want to start another topic and since this one kinda been dead for a while, thought i would just add a bit to it. (hope u dnt mind lilsis)

Goin with the same theme but more into the actual after marriage once you have gone beyond the stage of choosing love/arranged marriage. This has probs been covered but i am bored...

How does a marriage work?(what factors)
Should a woman/man take any sort of abuse?
If a woman is facing domestic violence should she leave her husband (even if she has kids)?
Is love vital to make marriage work?

I personally think marriage needs a lot of factors such as compromise, love, patience, consideration for each other and a lot of effort..

I also think women shouldn't get any abuse and if a woman is getin beatin up from her husband she dont have to take it, even if she has kids, the fustration and anger and pain a women faces can take effect into her children’s life later, and kids shouldn’t be exposed to such things...

What does everyone else think?

i agree. for a marriage to work both parties have to be understand and patient with each other....and remain calm at all times 🙂

beatin up is a strict no-no, and end of day...if u love some1 so much, you wouldnt consider it.

these situations usually only happen in arranged marriages where theres no understanding!

IMO, you should get to know the person properly b4 u proceed with the daunting rituals.....all in a halal way of course 😃

Well this is obviosuly one that people will all differ in opinion on.

For me i dont really care as long as there are 2 people that at the end of the day genuinely love each other, i wouldnt go out of my way 'looking' for a wife and i belive in myself enough to think that if i was to want to a marry a girl throough my own means that i would do things the right way.

At the end of the day all i would want is to be married in a lawful way in Allah swt eyes in a loving relationship and however it happens is irrelevant to me.

You can’t have a love marriage without an illicit relationship… if ya do it’s gonna feel really weird… Personally I would like 4 wives. Two arranged and two love, so I can then work out which option is best for me. After that I will take on wifey number 5…

deleted

i agree with yashmaki 100%

but its not easy in this day and age, to go thru the halal way when you find sum1 you like. a lot of the elder generation get very disgruntled and only want you to marry some one they chose for you! wich isnt a bad thing if you like that person, but its not too often that happens.

his/her (sorry!) views on whats defined as 'love' marriage is very concise and very true IMO. some people think theyre in love as soon as tehy see a girl. not mentioning any names Kaz 😂

for a person to agree to marry someone OBVIOULSY they must really really really really like them-which is close to being in "love with them"

thats why I dont think there's any thing as "arranged marrige" -only "love"

[quote="angel"]I didn’t want to start another topic and since this one kinda been dead for a while, thought i would just add a bit to it. (hope u dnt mind lilsis)

Goin with the same theme but more into the actual after marriage once you have gone beyond the stage of choosing love/arranged marriage. This has probs been covered but i am bored...

How does a marriage work?(what factors)
Should a woman/man take any sort of abuse?
If a woman is facing domestic violence should she leave her husband (even if she has kids)?
Is love vital to make marriage work?

I personally think marriage needs a lot of factors such as compromise, love, patience, consideration for each other and a lot of effort..

I also think women shouldn't get any abuse and if a woman is getin beatin up from her husband she dont have to take it, even if she has kids, the fustration and anger and pain a women faces can take effect into her children’s life later, and kids shouldn’t be exposed to such things...

What does everyone else think?[/quote]

salaam i totally agree marriage is a compromise between everything as far as aubusing women men who hit women in any shape or form are cowards and and i have very horrible words for men like that.
Saadia khan

i think one of the reasons why arranged marraiges dont work is cos parents dont even KNOW their kids and think that they can find a partner for them

i have any uncle who's extremly liberal and is a massive coconut

he's always cussing and generalising about Paki women

the other day he told my sister that he dont like Paki women cos they buy too many handbags

:roll:

anyway my gran wants to get him married

but instead of looking for a coconut like him-she has her eye on the more homely traditional girls (who are very rare these days anyway)

which is why both mother and son aint agreeing on anyone

thats my main issue with arranged marrieges too

instead of looking for what their kid would be happy with-they look for someone who THEY think they will be happy with :roll:

deleted

the guys in his early 30's

very fussy and a massive coconut

no one knows any coconut women-the type he goes go

so i think he should find his own woman

its not as if my family has anything against finding u own partner

Salaam

Marriage used to be such a simple, uncomplicated affair. But we've over-complicated a simple, straightforward matter

Today this topic is the obsession of nearly all elderly women who obviously have too much time on their hands.

Current affairs, the condition of our Ummah, working toward the betterment of society, learning and teaching Islamic knowledge all seem to be pushed into the background.

Marriage seems to be the be all and end all for the older generation. And to think, it isn’t even Fard for all.

I'm not saying marriage is irrelevant, but its importance in our culture seems over-exaggerated.

Wasalaam

[quote="MuslimSister"]

I'm not saying marriage is irrelevant, but its importance in our culture seems over-exaggerated.

[/quote]

Very exagegrated. went pakistan when i was 14 and everyone was asking when i was getting married....and even asked me if i liked a certain so-and-so!! Our Pakistani elders do seem to emphasise to much on marriage, but why beats me. Did our elder generations hold similar views?

only uneducated people with too much time on their hands are obsessed with marraige

most people like that are in the older generation

Salam

[quote="angel"]How does a marriage work?(what factors)
Should a woman/man take any sort of abuse?
If a woman is facing domestic violence should she leave her husband (even if she has kids)?
Is love vital to make marriage work?

What does everyone else think?[/quote]

Marriage works only on trust.

No trust. No marriage.

Omrow

marraige only works when there is no interference with busy bodies :roll:

slaam
very true. but with arranged marriages there are usally loads of interfering people....who like to add their ideas and views thinking that everything they say is correct. the marriage is between the two poeple not the whole generation. :twisted:

[quote="liberty4women"]slaam
very true. but with arranged marriages there are usally loads of interfering people....who like to add their ideas and views thinking that everything they say is correct. the marriage is between the two poeple not the whole generation. :twisted:[/quote]

Lol! Thats very true.

Salam

[quote="liberty4women"]marriage is between the two poeple not the whole generation[/quote]

Yes. But these two love birds don't live on an uninhabited island.

Moreover, as you so beautufully said:

Life goes on. Bad things happen. Move on.

Omrow

ur all right

firslty marraige dont ONLY concern the two people involved

secondly it also dont concern every Tom Dick and harry in the family

IMO if the parents are happy so are the two people to be wed who cares what others are on

p.s EIGHT people go for "neither" type of marraige :shock:

[quote="liberty4women"]slaam
very true. but with arranged marriages there are usally loads of interfering people....who like to add their ideas and views thinking that everything they say is correct. the marriage is between the two poeple not the whole generation. :twisted:[/quote]

u just reminded me of some bollywood film I watched YEARS ago

the herione had three crazy uncles

one was a religious fanatic

one was modern

the third one was into body building

and they all were looking for a guy for their niece that was very religious, AND very modern AND into body building-

funny movie-and kinda true too

u can never please everyone in ur family

[quote="MuslimSisLilSis"]u can never please everyone in ur family[/quote]

lol which is why I am determined to disappoint all of them.

[quote="Dave"][quote="MuslimSisLilSis"]u can never please everyone in ur family[/quote]

lol which is why I am determined to disappoint all of them.[/quote]

what would ur family have against Annette?

Do they think she's too good for you and that u should aim lower? :twisted:

if so, u should listen to them

mama ALWAYS knows best

[quote="MuslimSisLilSis"][quote="Dave"][quote="MuslimSisLilSis"]u can never please everyone in ur family[/quote]

lol which is why I am determined to disappoint all of them.[/quote]

what would ur family have against Annette?

Do they think she's too good for you and that u should aim lower? :twisted:

if so, u should listen to them

mama ALWAYS knows best[/quote]

She's Catholic - it's complicated.

[quote="Dave"]

She's Catholic - it's complicated.[/quote]

so what kind of church will u get married in?

either one u wishes to change? What will u bring up ur kids?

wud it be correct to say that catholics are the most strict christians?

[quote="MuslimSisLilSis"][quote="Dave"]

She's Catholic - it's complicated.[/quote]

so what kind of church will u get married in?

either one u wishes to change? What will u bring up ur kids?

wud it be correct to say that catholics are the most strict christians?[/quote]

If she would want me to I would convert, we would bring up our kids as Christians but leave to them what they would want to be. If a person grows up knowing the history of Christianity and all sides of the arguments it is better than growing up just on one set of beliefs.

For example many Christians do not know that they can be Christian (believe Christ is the Son of God, and Messiah) without believing in the Trinity - a docrirne established at Nicaea.

There is also Modalism, Arianism etc that have different approaches to how precisely that is worked out.

Also there are questions regarding the role of Mary and the nature of the Eucharist that have long been settled by various groups though not all Christians know the reasons.

As for who is the most "strict" in doctrine it is hard to say. My religious influences come from Calvin and Knox two very strict men and my religion has been most typically paired with the beginnings of fundamentalism in America (although not the type you see today) so the emphasis on self discipline, punishment of sin, and "hardliner" stands like only followers of Christ will be saved are all considered pretty strict. Catholocism can be doctrinally strict - as in strict with the application of it's own derived dogma, but very loose in it's interpretation of the bible (whereas most protestants are very enfatic the bible is literal).

Ultimately though our religious differences are not a problem due to conflicting understandings of religion... but rather this whole elitist arrogance that I am surrounded in. I am basically your typical wasp - and my parents have a silent understanding I have never acquiesed to that I am going to marry a blond hair blue eyed white protestant.