What would you do?

Isha Al-Maghribi —

Ok, So I am friends with this girl, (let’s call her X). X is best friends with this other girl( let’s call her Y). All of us used to go to school together. I dropped out, but I’m still updated and we still meet. Everyone likes X, she has got a loveable personality, but everyone hates her friend Y. Because of Y, everyone has started hating X. Y is a very dodgy person, who is a very sly, cunning….witch. You know in movies, where there’s the bad girl, who acts all ‘nicey-nice’; but everyone knows what she’s truly like? Yeah, well that’s her.

In secondary school , she was still like that, but had a hint of decency. I knew what she was like, but when talking to me, it was like “Isha…oh yeah, Insha’Allah…masha’Allah, that’s great! Yes…we have to work to please the great deity, Allah…Islam….Al-din…Ramathaan” . Basically just throwing random Islamic-Arabic words in. Always working to please people. Her style has totally changed now. Firstly, she used to wear like a loose smock-like garment, and baggy trousers with it (Asian dress- sorry, can’t be so specific, can’t remember what it is called.) . Though, sometimes I meet her and she’s wearing coloured-contacts, heaps of foundation, fake eyelashes , tons of blusher, and tube tops and mini skirts. When talking to old friends, I here them say “god, Isha, she’s such a slapper!” or “Do you know what X and Y get up to….” Or “ Oh, she’s been seen coming out of alleyways, with her clothes…” and the worse “ Do you know Y is planning on getting her 5th abortion?” I tell them “ Rubbish! It’s all a rumour! As if Y would do that! X would never do anything like that!” I can hear/see the hint of truth in what they say, but I try to console myself (rather than them) it’s not true.. X is a really good friend of mine, and I don’t want her to get hurt of Y’s doings. I am told Y is ’linking up’ with some Feyzaal (?) But, then I ignore it, because X works at a beauty salon, and she tells me all these things about “oh, it’s Feyzaal’s mum’s salon, and he said this…he said that….” Suddenly, it clicks that this Feyzaal guy is playing a role in this thing….

Last month, I go to their uni to pick up a friend of mine and I see X, Y and Feyzaal coming out of the alleyway. Him holding Y’s jumper. And X wearing shorts and a sleeveless top. Then it sinks in to my head, the rumours were true. Even though, I knew it was true before, this incident throws me, and I am shocked! I don’t know why, because I already knew what they got up to. All these rumours continue, and I find out Y is telling her parents that she is going to X’s house, but instead she goes to meet Feyzaal. I’ve been told about Y’s parents and siblings, and I’ve been told that her oldest sister is 44!( same age as my parents!) and that evidently means that her parents are in their 60’s. It makes me so angry, because Y is driving her parents to an early grave. They think their youngest darling daughter prays five times a day, and went to do Uumra, when she actually went to Canada with her bf. I know that in Pakistani families, the daughter plays an important role as izzah or whatever . Ok, she doesn’t care about her honour, but what about her parents? Why is she deceiving them? Especially in this age?! Ok, I have absolutely no right whatsoever to butt into her life, but should I do something about it? Should I speak to X (whom I thought was a decent girl, but turned out to be a total….2-faced nitwit. )?

Should I confront X>? I’ve lost all respect I had for X. Do I do anything about it? Do I let Y kill her chances of having a child? Of course, right now she doesn’t want it, but in the future, she’ll regret it so much! I should do something, but what? Funnily enough (with my own problems), girls come to me when they need religious advice . I know X respects me a lot, and I know that even though Y sees no-one above herself, I know she respects me. Should I take advantage of the fact? Should I say something? Plus, X is a very good friend of mine, who Or do I leave things like so? Yes, I know I don’t want to intervene in her life affairs or issues. But, what about her parents? What about her? She’s ruining her life because of a ’him’. And, I don’t think I’m going to let her. And, I’m pretty sure this is not so-called love (!)If it was, I’m sure he wouldn’t be entertaining X. I wish that was a lie as well. But, I’ve seen the 2 with my own eyes.
...
You’re wise people. Tell me. Do I say anything, or do I try stopping them? Do I stop her? Or do I be a bystander? I really honestly, don’t mean to intercede into her personal life, but I have to before it’s too late.
I know, me, myself, I want to confront the 2; but is it the right thing to do? Most of the time, I follow my feelings rather than logic.
And, Thank you for Reading.

Forum

zdc — Thu, 7 Oct 2010 - 09:50

[quote=Ocean]Isha...

Why in the friggin world are you writing all this on a public forum?

I'd die of shame if that was me but then I would never have got myself into that situation in the first place. Can't you see he's insulting you? He has HUMILIATED you! To say that he respects you and does that, Come on. and I don't blame him becaue you say something here but You're actually not what you seem... Quite frankly you brought this on your self.

Why did you go back? It's not for your friend's sake... not at all. You went back because YOU wanted to see him, you KNEW it was going to happen!

and I wondered for nights why you weren't so keen on marriage.

I'm sorry if this hurts but this is what I see (unless all of this is a bad lie!)

Isha, you knew this might happen so why take the risk? You say you understood the consequences but you actually WANTED it to happen. So that you have an excuse/REASON to (I don't want to say it)

Are you even sure you have children? You don't even want to be tied in marriage well not to the man with whom you have children anyway. Living in denial or what?

For once can you be a little honest with yourself please, this is quite embarrassing to read you know and a bad case of letting the your nafs defeat you![/quote]

I really hope none of this is true.

Isha Al-Maghribi — Thu, 7 Oct 2010 - 16:49

[quote=Ocean]Isha...

Why in the friggin world are you writing all this on a public forum?
[/quote]

Though, you may find this lame; Therevival is somewhere where i can be myself. Where I don't have to act like I don't need anybody's help. Because I do!
People who know me think I'm a stuck up God-knows-what. That I am strong enough to handle everything on my own. Thats not true. I may act like that, but thats not true. Even I need to turn to soemone for help. And, I can't just give you half the facts; and tell you Ive done half the dance. Because thats not true. For you to understand, you need to see things how they are. yES, iT'S embarrassing. But, I'm not going to pretend to be someone Im not. I'm not going to act like my life is nothing but all blue skies, and singing birds, etc. Because its not.
...
I want help, which is why I posted it here.

[quote=Ocean]
I'd die of shame if that was me but then I would never have got myself into that situation in the first place. Can't you see he's insulting you? He has HUMILIATED you! To say that he respects you and does that, Come on. and I don't blame him becaue you say something here but You're actually not what you seem... Quite frankly you brought this on your self. [/quote]

Why am I so easy to blame????? I've been asking that question ever since.

[quote=Ocean]
Why did you go back? It's not for your friend's sake... not at all. You went back because YOU wanted to see him, you KNEW it was going to happen!

and I wondered for nights why you weren't so keen on marriage.

I'm sorry if this hurts but this is what I see (unless all of this is a bad lie!)
[/quote]

It hurts,but at least you are being truthful and saying what you think. Thank you.
...
I swear, I'm that type of girl. My friends were the only reason I went. I mean, if you saw Y's parents, you would just cry your eyes out. They're the most sweetest people you would ever meet, who never would wish bad thing on anyone. And Y is doing something like so with them? They'd die of shame!
...
Again I swear! I did not know that was going to happen! He apologised!¬ He said 'sorry.' And, i really really really really thought he had meant it! Really!
I didnt know it was a lie!
"You went back because YOU wanted to see him, you KNEW it was going to happen!"
That is the most cheapest thing anyone can say!
I asked for help, If you are not willing to do so, then stop.
I hate it when people question my character. I'm as pure as can be.
...
I have never been one of those girls who was into guys. Why would I want him to do something like that?
For Gods' sake, a week left for the marriage![/quote]

[quote=Ocean]
Isha, you knew this might happen so why take the risk? [/quote]
Because when you care about someone you put them before yourself. If you're a good friend that's what you'd do. I'm sure anyone would do that. It just so happens it had to be me!

[quote=Ocean]
You say you understood the consequences but you actually WANTED it to happen. So that you have an excuse/REASON to (I don't want to say it)
Are you even sure you have children? You don't even want to be tied in marriage well not to the man with whom you have children anyway. Living in denial or what?

For once can you be a little honest with yourself please, this is quite embarrassing to read you know and a bad case of letting the your nafs defeat you![/quote]

Wanted what to happen?
Yes, It's embarrassing, but since when isn't the truth?

Thanks for your help(!)
And please, please, please do not question my character. I'm not like that.
'He' is a guy in a million. Yes, i hated him at the start, and I hated him after that.
But, you know the reason why. You know the reason why.
Though, I learned to appreciate what I have.

Isha Al-Maghribi — Thu, 7 Oct 2010 - 16:52

[quote=You]@Isha - less forceful than the others, but remember there are things you cannot control. and others that you can.

You can tell your friends parents who they are dealing with. Ask yourself this, if he assaults your friends if/when they say no to him, will you be comfortable knowing that you could have gone above them and told others who may have been able to do something?

They probably see a sense of danger and get a thrill from being around such a person and may not be able to see all the danger. but you can. FOrget about trying to reason with them. Tell their parents and then stay away from them. No need to be apologetic as what you are doing is in their best interest.

You need to avoid this person forever.

You should report it if you can, but I can see how that would be a logistical nightmare.[/quote]

Thank you!
You so get me.
...
You do understand I'm not that type, right?
All i wanted to do was help them out, I didn't know things would get this far.I really didn't. And, I didn't want this to happen, I didn't. who would?

Isha Al-Maghribi — Thu, 7 Oct 2010 - 17:01

[quote=s.b.f]Just a general question to anyone:

If someone asks you to meet them in the alleyway...how many times would you re-think that question? you're an intelligent girl. what were you thinking? especially with the knowledge that:
1. you yourself saw your friends and him coming out of one. what if people saw you?
2. he's cheating on both your friends. what made you think he wouldn't try it with you?
3. are you looking forward to your wedding next week?

And what the heck.

He sounds like a tramp.

you're not telling your fiance about this? I feel sorry for him.

PS. there is a discussion surrounding this topic, taking place on tribune. Check it out.[/quote]

I know I'm really stupid! I thought he was telling the truth. I mean, look, he apologised!

1. I didn't think people would think like that. They know Im with someone.
(Thanks for that. I didn't see it from that perspective before.)
2. Exactly. I thought he's with 2 girls already. I thought he'd be beating himself thinking which one of those 2 he wanted. I wear a Hijaab, they don't. Hijaab is not just a piece of clothing, but it's a sign saying "keep away!"
I assumed guys like that, are into ...loose girls. Also, I told him I'm married where we met last time. So, I thought he'd have some respect and leave me alone.
3. I was supposed to take the flight today, but i'm going on sunday with my brothers.I cant feel the 'spark' yet.I'm waiting for it.

I will tell him, but in Pakistan. I've already had a lecture from my brothers, and Faisal's probably having it now....

Isha Al-Maghribi — Thu, 7 Oct 2010 - 17:07

[quote=zdc]WHAT THE .............................

ISHA!!! WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU?? WHAT DID WE TELL YOU?? DID I NOT TELL YOU TO STAY AWAY FROM THIS PIECE OF SH1T?? MAN, MY HEART WAS BEATING LIKE A RUNAWAY TRAIN JUST READING THIS!!

DON'T ASK FOR OUR OPINIONS IF YOU NOT GONNA TAKE IT!! WHAT, WHERE YOU LIKE BORN YESTERDAY?? ARE YOU IN GRADE 2?? I DON'T THINK GETTING MARRIED IS A GOOD IDEA FOR YOU, YOU ARE STILL WET BEHIND THE EARS. YOU SHOULD GO BACK TO SCHOOL AND LEARN HOW TO READ AND COMPREHEND.

COMMON ISHA, TRASH LIKE THAT DON'T FEEL SORRY FOR ANYONE, SECOND CHANCE?? AFTER WHAT HE DID TO YOU?? YOU'RE DAMN LUCKY HE DID'NT RAPE YOU. THIS IS JUST STUPID MAN, JUST PLAIN SIMPLE STUPID. I DON'T HAVE ANY WORDS FOR THIS, SHOCKING!!!!!

PLEASE DON'T TELL US ABOUT THIS CRAP ANYMORE, YOU OBVIOUSLY ARE'NT GOING TO DO WHAT WE SAY, SO PLEASE DON'T BOTHER TELLING US. YOU ARE NOT CAPABLE OF HANDLING THIS, REALLY, YOU SHOULD GROW UP FIRST BEFORE YOU TRY TO SORT OUT OTHER PEOPLES PROBLEMS. YOU PUT YOURSELF IN THIS CRAP NOW YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT YOU GONNA TELL EVERYONE.[/quote]

I know!!!!!!
I'M SORRY! PLEASE DON'T BE ANGRY!?
But, just read my replies!
He aplogised; and I thought everyone deserves a second chance!¬
he actually bothered to get my number and apologise! I DIDN'T KNOW HE WAS DOING IT FOR THE WRONG REASONS ! i swear, believe me!
I'M SORRY! I KNOW I SHOULD HAVE LISTENED TO YOU; and I'm really angry at myself for not. Please forgive me.

Isha Al-Maghribi — Thu, 7 Oct 2010 - 20:41

[quote=zdc][quote=Ocean]Isha...

Why in the friggin world are you writing all this on a public forum?

I'd die of shame if that was me but then I would never have got myself into that situation in the first place. Can't you see he's insulting you? He has HUMILIATED you! To say that he respects you and does that, Come on. and I don't blame him becaue you say something here but You're actually not what you seem... Quite frankly you brought this on your self.

Why did you go back? It's not for your friend's sake... not at all. You went back because YOU wanted to see him, you KNEW it was going to happen!

and I wondered for nights why you weren't so keen on marriage.

I'm sorry if this hurts but this is what I see (unless all of this is a bad lie!)

Isha, you knew this might happen so why take the risk? You say you understood the consequences but you actually WANTED it to happen. So that you have an excuse/REASON to (I don't want to say it)

Are you even sure you have children? You don't even want to be tied in marriage well not to the man with whom you have children anyway. Living in denial or what?

For once can you be a little honest with yourself please, this is quite embarrassing to read you know and a bad case of letting the your nafs defeat you![/quote]

I really hope none of this is true.[/quote]
The only truth in there, is that I'm not keen about the marriage. There's 3 different weddings! Why would i be 'keen?'

zdc — Fri, 8 Oct 2010 - 06:33

[quote=Isha Al-Maghribi][quote=zdc]WHAT THE .............................

ISHA!!! WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU?? WHAT DID WE TELL YOU?? DID I NOT TELL YOU TO STAY AWAY FROM THIS PIECE OF SH1T?? MAN, MY HEART WAS BEATING LIKE A RUNAWAY TRAIN JUST READING THIS!!

DON'T ASK FOR OUR OPINIONS IF YOU NOT GONNA TAKE IT!! WHAT, WHERE YOU LIKE BORN YESTERDAY?? ARE YOU IN GRADE 2?? I DON'T THINK GETTING MARRIED IS A GOOD IDEA FOR YOU, YOU ARE STILL WET BEHIND THE EARS. YOU SHOULD GO BACK TO SCHOOL AND LEARN HOW TO READ AND COMPREHEND.

COMMON ISHA, TRASH LIKE THAT DON'T FEEL SORRY FOR ANYONE, SECOND CHANCE?? AFTER WHAT HE DID TO YOU?? YOU'RE DAMN LUCKY HE DID'NT RAPE YOU. THIS IS JUST STUPID MAN, JUST PLAIN SIMPLE STUPID. I DON'T HAVE ANY WORDS FOR THIS, SHOCKING!!!!!

PLEASE DON'T TELL US ABOUT THIS CRAP ANYMORE, YOU OBVIOUSLY ARE'NT GOING TO DO WHAT WE SAY, SO PLEASE DON'T BOTHER TELLING US. YOU ARE NOT CAPABLE OF HANDLING THIS, REALLY, YOU SHOULD GROW UP FIRST BEFORE YOU TRY TO SORT OUT OTHER PEOPLES PROBLEMS. YOU PUT YOURSELF IN THIS CRAP NOW YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT YOU GONNA TELL EVERYONE.[/quote]

I know!!!!!!
I'M SORRY! PLEASE DON'T BE ANGRY!?
But, just read my replies!
He aplogised; and I thought everyone deserves a second chance!¬
he actually bothered to get my number and apologise! I DIDN'T KNOW HE WAS DOING IT FOR THE WRONG REASONS ! i swear, believe me!
I'M SORRY! I KNOW I SHOULD HAVE LISTENED TO YOU; and I'm really angry at myself for not. Please forgive me.[/quote]

I forgive you.

zdc — Fri, 8 Oct 2010 - 06:34

[quote=You]its not anger, its concern.[/quote]

You're right, I may have over reacted though. I sometimes get too emotional. I'm not sure if I can handle this forum anymore.