The internet has sparked a revolution in the way some Muslims are meeting potential partners.
Many young Muslims in the UK are now breaking with tradition by turning to online introduction websites to find a suitable spouse.
In Islam, parents were traditionally expected to facilitate marriage, often by suggesting potential partners for their offspring to consider, but some young Muslims are now using modern technology to find partners for themselves.
Bridging the gap between tradition and the modern world
Jason Rahim of the online agency Islamic Faces insists that young Muslims who sign up to his website are serious about making a match that will win their parents' approval.
"You do get some websites where guys log on for fun or just to find a girlfriend," he says. "People who come to my website are serious about getting married."
He adds: "There's a big demand for matchmaking, particularly in the Muslim Asian community."
Rahim, who met his wife through the internet, explains: "I was introduced to women through my family. You have a meeting or a chat for one to two hours and then have to decide if you want to marry them. The pressure to say 'yes' can sometimes be unbearable. If you do say 'yes' it's hard to get out of it if you change your mind at a later date.
"If you're looking online - there's no pressure. You can meet people at your own pace. Or you can even get to know people without meeting. You can chat by email or on the phone. You can also choose someone you know your parents will approve of."
Searching for a partner online
Salman, a 30-year-old Muslim businessman, had been searching for a marriage partner for more than four years before meeting Yasmin, 25, through Islamic Faces.His family had introduced him to a number of women but none of them had been suitable.
"It wasn't enough just to find a Muslim," he says. "I wanted to find a Muslim from a Mauritian background who spoke Creole and understood the food, culture and way of life."
After Salman discovered Yasmin's profile online he was convinced she would be the perfect match.
He recalls: "She registered on the website in January 2005. I saw her picture and thought: 'Wow, she's very, very attractive. We chatted by email and I found she had the same background as me. On paper we were perfect for each other. She felt the same way as I did about many, many things."
Teething problems
But things took a turn for the worse after Salman sent Yasmin, a graphic designer, a picture of himself."I wasn't smiling on it. Then she went on holiday and things fizzled out. I was really upset. I wanted her to at least meet me and give me a chance. I was the first guy she'd chatted to on the internet so she wasn't sure I was the one. I'd been looking for someone for four years so I was sure."
Yasmin recalls: "I wanted to meet a Mauritian Muslim, someone who was slightly older with a good education. Religion and culture are important to me. I'd been to university but hadn't met any Mauritian Muslims there. When I joined Islamic Faces I'd decided I wanted to get married and find someone really special. Salman ticked all the right boxes - education, health, religion and culture.
"But when I saw his picture, I hated it. He looked really skinny and miserable and he was wearing a posey suit. I've got quite an eye for detail. It looked like he had touched up his picture, blended his stubble and changed the shape of his face. My sisters saw his picture and said he looked like a freak."
Perseverance
Four months passed before Salman plucked up the courage to contact Yasmin again with another photo. On the new picture he was smiling. He looked so different that Yasmin didn't realise at first that he was the same person."When we eventually met, we had a laugh in Creole and I really liked his personality."
http://www.bbc.co.uk/religion/religions/islam/living/matchmaking.shtml
Internet Matchmaking: Good or Bad?
Published by s.b.f on 25 December, 2008 - 23:42
sully man, you should have told me. i got bare mans lined up, just come and take your pick dude
I posted this up because I dont know anyone personally who has gone through internet matchmaking.
Does this fit in with culture? and what do parents generally think of this type of matchmaking?
And also, the idea of putting a picture up, is that Islamically good or bad?
u still know how to make me laugh
It certainly is different to "traditional" match making where the only option may be to go and look back home.
I don't think its bad in any way shape or form.
Not sure I would have the guts to do anything like this though.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
No? I wouldnt either. But is that a confidence thing?
I was interested in what traditional culture would have to say things about this.
I know there are a lot of success stories.
Do you think (and Im asking everybody) that if culture didnt influence so much than more people would use the internet to find people?
[quote=YouIt certainly is different to "traditional" match making where the only option may be to go and look back home.
[/quote]
I know Im being naive, and I know you said "may be",, but is that still traditional,, I suppose the answer is going to be yes...:S
I think its less to do with culture and more to do with being wary of things online. Online works in a different way.
It does offer a break and a way out of some situations.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
mmmm,, I was thinking more along the lines of what older people would think,,
I think at some point we need to respect culture,, but culture does go over the top abit and disagrees with how most people think now.
Does anyone know how recent internet matchmaking actually is? I have heard of it before by the way,, I was just wondering ...
I think it has been there in some form from the start, but as a formalised service, that may have come later on.
Atleast 2/3 years I think.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
This has nothing to do with internet matchmaking.
Just something I found an interesting read.
From that link:
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
You know, the Revival has a better article on this than the BBC one.
See here.
Just ignore culture. I do.
It tends to over-complicate things.
Back in BLACK
I have one friend who married his wife from an internet agency, and they seem to be very happy together.
I hae another friend whose had some bad experiences with it though, mainly that the girls had a 'checklist' of everything they wanted from a husband, and if ONE thing didn't reach their standards, they would reject him.
They tended to be the ones in their mid-thirties who were *still* looking for someone.
Don't just do something! Stand there.
that can be really hard to do.
also, even though culture can be depressing, would you want to completely eradicate somethings culture says? ok, I cant think of any examples right this minute now,, but having culture can be nice too sometimes,, but really annoying when it comes to things like this.
See its not always bad to use this process, I think. Because there are a lot of success stories evn though I dont know any personally.
I dont know whether Im being insenstitive or not, but that was quite funny. Thats quite similiar to the story in the post.
http://www.therevival.co.uk/wedding-planner-revival-guide-muslim-matrimo...
just found it
All marriage related articles:
http://www.therevival.co.uk/taxonomy/term/90
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
I think Matrimonial sites are good, as long as it is done by observing the correct etiquettes.
Recently I recommended a site to a friend who is finding it hard to get married.
Can't talk about myself as I'm not in the marriage scene yet.
yep, I know. They can be a success. I just found the idea of finding your partner online a bit wierd. But its more than that.
Its also soo very different to the traditional way, so basically i was thinking about culture too, even though culture is definitely not the most important thing.