Marriage v Cohabitting

Oh come on, that's not being fragile!

Ok so what would be your reason for wanting more than one wife huh?

Following the sunnah of the prophet pbuh, wanting more than one woman to speak to the latter was a joke btw.

[quote="Imaani"]I thought islamically they did...

It would depend on his reasons for doing so...

...I'd be really hurt though. 🙁

:)[/quote]

Nope i don't think they do. Leme double check anyway.

I don't know how i'd feel, will depend on who the guy was and how hardcore he was. Actually, i'm coming round to the idea, before i was like no way! This had been made halal for the man and is the sunnah of the Prophet ﷺ so the wife can't really object can she? It also depends on the wife and the man whether if he can support them both and the mental state of the wife.

I couldnt take that on, so i would stick to one.

Technically you DONT need the first wifes consent to get married a second time. But i think in cases where it is done its only as a common courtesy.

Personally i wouldnt. Who wants the headache of two wives both nagging you. Id find it hard to love one woman and put up with her nagging.

This is the argument do you want this:

:roll:

or with two wives this:

:roll: :roll:

[quote="Irfan.Khan"]This is the argument do you want this:

:roll:

or with two wives this:

:roll: :roll:[/quote]

lol!

Anyway, I think everyone has realised what specification they want in their pre-nups now: Only marry one lady!

OK, guys, let's get back to the real issue. I'll play devil's advocate.

"I don't need to marry I can just cohabit and have a healthy relationship. It's ok to have sex before as long as you're relationship is good."

Guys, how do we convince a Westerner that Islam isn't old fashioned when it forbids cohabitting and fornication?

Well, practically, why would someone need to marry more than one wife. Islam allows it but is very strict about the reasons. Most people think that by marrying another wife they can run away from the problems in the first marriage. And if polygamy is going to threaten the first marriage, then my understanding is that a divorce is allowed. Correct me if I'm wrong.

Utterally deceptive twaddlespeak say I.

If we're talking practicality; if every woman on earth got married there would still be loads of women left. Isnt that reason enough?

Leaving aside the fact that you'd be living in sin as cohabbitee's. Cohabbiting is a short hop and a skip away from marriage... so you may aswell get married coz your gonna have to deal with it someday.

Relationships have a start a middle and an end. And any "good healthy relationship" (to use your words) needs to see its going somewhere and that somewhere is marriage.

After which you could do all the things they talk about on the discovery channel and without risking contracting a STD.

savvy?

In regards to pros and cons for cohabitation, id suggestion you read [url=http://www.lawcom.gov.uk/docs/cp179_overview.pdf]The Law COmmission's Consultation Paper on Cohabitation[/url] and the

[url=http://www.aml.org.uk/pdf_files/AML_Cohabitation_Response.pdf]Associati… of Muslim Lawyer's Paper on the reform of the Law of Cohabitation[/url]

Another point.. the default of man is monogamy, not polygany. When Allah swt created Adam (as), He created for him ONE mate (Hawa) not many. 😉

Our beloved prophet ﷺ was only married to ONE wife (Khadija ra) until he was 50.

All said and done, Ive told my man several times that he can marry more than one wife :shock: I even told him id even help him find one lol I dont think he can quite understand how I as a female could even suggest it :shock: :shock:

[quote="Amal"]

All said and done, Ive told my man several times that he can marry more than one wife :shock: I even told him id even help him find one lol I dont think he can quite understand how I as a female could even suggest it :shock: :shock:[/quote]

he's probably waiting for the punch line

my friend asked his wife about what she would think about him getting married to a second wife. She said the exact same thing you said. To which he replied "aawwww your soo sweet. I dont want to now" and carried on reading the paper. lol

[quote="Courage"]OK, guys, let's get back to the real issue. I'll play devil's advocate.

"I don't need to marry I can just cohabit and have a healthy relationship. It's ok to have sex before as long as you're relationship is good."

Guys, how do we convince a Westerner that Islam isn't old fashioned when it forbids cohabitting and fornication?[/quote]

My answer would be that the advantages of being married outweigh that of cohabiting.

[b]marriage v cohabiting[/b]

1) a spouse can on the break down of her marriage apply to the court for financial provisions. Cohabiting partners CANT.

2) Spouses can apply for maintenance. Cohabiting partner cant.

3) married father automatically acquires parental responsibly (rights, duties and responsibilities the father has in relation to the child) of their child (can include step children). A cohabiting partner can only acquire PR automatically if he is named as the father on the birth certificate.

4) married couples can benefit from better tax benefits ie capital gains and inheritance taxes, unmarried couples cant.

5) on the death of one spouse the remaining spouse has automatic rights over the deceased’s property. Cohabiting partner has no right but can ask court to make provisions if they have lived with the partner for 2 yrs before his death.

Also if the couple decide to have kids then a married couple can provide stability (which a child needs) which a cohabiting couple cant.

[quote="Amal"]...Ive told my man several times that he can marry more than one wife :shock: I even told him id even help him find one lol I dont think he can quite understand how I as a female could even suggest it :shock: :shock:[/quote]

If only everyone thought like you.

However, bigamy or trigamy is illegal so legally you can't get married to more than one person, can you?.... unless you marry someone back home?

But what about for the guys? We don't want all that (1,2,3) stuff!

No cares about you guys lol. You aint the ones that suffer when the relationship breaks down.

[quote="MuslimBro"]However, bigamy or trigamy is illegal so legally you can't get married to more than one person, can you?.... unless you marry someone back home?[/quote]

It might be illegal, but the law does allow you to get married once and then have like a 100 mistresses. Wheres the sense in that?

Plus married couples are also elligable for certain tax benefits... whereas cohabitees are not.

And yes guys do suffer as well. Its just we suffer in a different more efficient way.

[quote="Seraphim"]It might be illegal, but the law does allow you to get married once and then have like a 100 mistresses. Wheres the sense in that?[/quote]

There isn't, but that doesn't mean we can break the laws of the land, even if we're living in the West.

If Islam allows a man to marry up to 4 wife’s who gives toss what the west have to say about. The man can obviously only marry one of them in English law and the rest will be recognised as his girlfriends but as long as they are recognised as his wives in Islam sod the west and its laws.

I suggest you read this: [url=http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.asp?HD=10&ID=2409&CATE=144]Obeying the law of the land... what about the West?[/url]

I think this sums it up preety well.

[quote]Muslims are generally obliged to abide by the laws of the land and the country they live in, whether it is a Muslim state (al-khilafa), Muslim countries, or non-Muslim countries such as those in the west, as long as they are not ordered to practice something that is against Shariah. If they are forced by the law to commit a sin, then in such a case, it will not just be unnecessary to abide by the law, rather impermissible.

Some Muslims are under the impression that it is permissible to violate the laws of countries that are not a Muslim state (al-Khilafa), which is totally incorrect. Muslims must adhere to the laws of any country they live in, whether in the west or the east, as long as the law is not in contradiction with one’s religion. [/quote]

Things you might have not known.

Before the advent of Islam, polygamy had been practiced unlimitedly in many parts of the world. A man use to marry several women at one time. Even the Prophets (upon whom be peace) were not immune from it. Sayyiduna Ibrahim (peace be upon him) had two wives, Sayyiduna Ishaq and Sayyiduna Musa (peace be upon them both) had many wives, Sayyiduna Sulayman (peace be upon him) had several wives whilst Sayyiduna Dawud (peace be upon him) had hundred wives. In fact, there are only two prophets who never married, one being Sayyiduna Isa and the other Sayyiduna Yahya (peace be upon them both).

Its arguable

If he only married one according to English law and the rest under Islamic law he would still be abiding by the rules of the west. In English law he would be classed as having one wife and be receiving benefits for that one wife while other 3 would be classed as his girlfriends. But under Islamic law all 4 would be recognised as his wives so whats the problemo.

If he married 2 under English law then that obviously bigamy or if he underwent an English ceremony but not an Islamic one then that goes against Islam.

I would be really jealous if my husband married a 2nd wife, i am so the jealous type but not psycho!

LOOK FORGET ALL THIS ARGUING JUST PLAIN AND SIMPLE STICK TO ONE WIFE AND EVERYBODY IS HAPPY, WHY COMPLICATE THINGS!

im sorry my rant is over.

It's called discussing things kiddo no need to get excited! :roll:

Okay no need for the noory smiley.

[quote="Naz"]

[b]marriage v cohabiting[/b]

1) a spouse can on the break down of her marriage apply to the court for financial provisions. Cohabiting partners CANT.

2) Spouses can apply for maintenance. Cohabiting partner cant.

3) married father automatically acquires parental responsibly (rights, duties and responsibilities the father has in relation to the child) of their child (can include step children). A cohabiting partner can only acquire PR automatically if he is named as the father on the birth certificate.

4) married couples can benefit from better tax benefits ie capital gains and inheritance taxes, unmarried couples cant.

5) on the death of one spouse the remaining spouse has automatic rights over the deceased’s property. Cohabiting partner has no right but can ask court to make provisions if they have lived with the partner for 2 yrs before his death.

Also if the couple decide to have kids then a married couple can provide stability (which a child needs) which a cohabiting couple cant.[/quote]

True, but many of these laws are going to change to accommodate cohabitees and gay people with civil partnerships

[quote="Seraphim"]Utterally deceptive twaddlespeak say I.

If we're talking practicality; if every woman on earth got married there would still be loads of women left. Isnt that reason enough?

Leaving aside the fact that you'd be living in sin as cohabbitee's. Cohabbiting is a short hop and a skip away from marriage... so you may aswell get married coz your gonna have to deal with it someday.

Relationships have a start a middle and an end. And any "good healthy relationship" (to use your words) needs to see its going somewhere and that somewhere is marriage.

After which you could do all the things they talk about on the discovery channel and without risking contracting a STD.

savvy?[/quote]

No savvy, if I'm a total Westerner! Actually, for every 1000 men there are 1005 or (1050) women, so only some men can put themselves to trial.

Oh and Naz, even going through a "marriage" ceremony is illegal, R v Allen (1872). Lawyers can correct me if I'm wrong.

OK here's my view.

The biggest reason why so many people cheat is because they don't get enough sex and cheat rather than try to address the problem. Islam gets people to appreciate sex by ordering them to refrain from it until they're sure that they absolutely trust this person, making them less likely to cheat. It still happens, but not as much.

Cohabitation, well, according to statistics cohabittees are more likely to have relationship break downs.

In Islam marriage is about the dialogue and about sitting down and talking about the "serious" stuff, which is what you have to do. Whereas in Western relationships, you just hope that the "issues" come up in their mild form. Plus men are psycologically more committed if they have signed a "contract". Well those are some of the reasons, tell me what you think.