Sometimes when I’m upset (I’m not upset now – I’m just saying) I forget how to be happy. It feels foreign to smile and I actually have no recollection of happy times. It's weird actually. At this point everything that has ever upset me (ok well the major times) comes rushing back and I feel upset at that too – even if it has nothing to do with why I’m upset in the first place. These major things are usually things that only bother me when I think about them (as in reflect on them) and time and time again I have told myself that I forgive the people that had upset me (during these major times). So does this mean that each time I forgive them, I actually don’t forgive them? Can anyone really forgive anyone? Scars will always be there no matter how hard the person tries to ignore/or change it right?

Occasionally I make a list of things that make me happy to remind myself of things to thank Allah for and in order to change my mood (yes I am one of those people who has to get past things by writing them down – can’t you tell?).

For example:

Mint Ice Cream on a hot day or Sitting with my friends in the park or Laughing until I can’t breathe or Having butterflies in my stomach.

I know they’re random and they probably don’t make a lot of sense but to me each point brings back memories of a certain time, good times..

I’m actually reading a book called ‘Don’t Be Sad’ – By Dr A’id al-Qarni, translated from Arabic.. it’s a good book actually, something to help you get some perspective on things when times are tough.

Also I tend to sleep when I’m upset (or after I have been), it’s like a shutting out of everything, a pushing away of all your problems (unless you’ve been thinking about something so much that it comes to you in a dream – that sometimes happens to me).

At this point it’s all fine until I wake up and I remember that before I went to sleep such and such happened because so and so did this or something.
But yeh like I said I’m not actually upset now but I just wanted to write it down.

In fact I’m happy, I had a good Iftaar with my amigos from school today. Had cheese and crackers (an after) while listening to a good story by Friend A that was interrupted by Friend B and Myself, partly because Friend C and Friend D were listening over intently and partly because our discussion of the different flavours of cheese was interesting too. I also tried strawberries and chocolate (and grape and chocolate) for the first time today, even though it wasn’t bad, the thought of fruit and chocolate just doesn’t appeal to me much – it seems – no – IS weird, like having fruit (pineapples) on pizza (why? It's a confusing combination!)

But yes, it was all rather fun actually and just to repeat I am not sad right now, I was just saying.

Godspeed, Cheerio, Peace Out