I was walking past the Dawa stand, munching on my sandwich, minding my own business after Jumma on my way back to the office when the Brother called me over.

“Asalamalykum Brother” he said.

I replied with the standard “walaykumasalam”

“I see you’re on your way back to work for the capitalist kuffar so I’ll not take too much of your time” he began.

‘Capitalist kuffar’ I thought to myself, ‘that’s not one I’d heard before, I’ll have to remember that’ and secretly smirked to myself at what may follow on from this comment.

“Sheik Saab is doing a talk this Sunday at the Dawa place and we’re trying to get as many brothers to come to it as possible. Here’s 5 leaflets for you, give them to some other brothers at your work and bring them along with you too”

“No worries, inshallah I’ll try to make it as long as the wife hasn’t planned anything for us to do with the kids this weekend”

That term ‘if looks could kill’ really was applicable here and it was accompanied with that disapproving shake of the head. I thought it was at my comment of ‘letting the woman in the house decide what we do with our free time’ but thankfully it wasn’t.

“Are my eyes deceiving me or do some sisters think it’s more important to cover their hair than their bodies? Look over there bro, it’s disgusting, it don’t leave anything to the imagination!!” still shaking his head while gawping at the pretty, tall, slender, Arab looking hijab girl who was fully covered, but in attention seekingly fitted clothes. “I know it’s kinda warm bro, but does she not realise the hell fire will be a lot hotter than this!!” he went on.

I felt a little awkward pointing this out to someone who looked older and more religious than me, but I felt it had to be said “I know what you’re saying Bro, but in all fairness you should really be looking down and not at the sister. It’s only the first glance that’s allowed”

Uh oh – that angry face again. If there wasn’t this many CCTV cameras in town he may even have punched me. I could see the rage building up in his face. I wouldn’t fancy my chances against him – he looked like he lives on protein shakes and in a body zone gym. Then he erupted “is that why you’re so f’in ugly? Cos you keep bumping into lamp posts and walls cos you walk around looking down all the time and not looking where you’re going??!!”

‘Funny comeback comment for a stand-up comedian, but a little uncalled for in this situation’ I thought to myself. I also thought ‘have you not looked in a mirror recently dude? You’re no more than a 2 out of 10 on the HOT scale yourself mate’

But I thought I’ll avoid an argument and just said “mashallah, at least being ugly has saved me from the hell fire. Vanity is just for the dunya bro”

I don’t know if he was just looking for an argument, or if my comments and manner had offended him in some way, but he became all aggressive.

“oh, so you’re sure you’re saved from the hell fire are you!? That’s a decision for Allah to make – you don’t know you’re saved from it. IF YOU HAVE NOTHING SENSIBLE TO SAY, DON’T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL!!!!!!” A bit rich coming from someone who moments earlier was sending a ‘sister’ to hell fire.

“The same could be said to you bro, if you don’t have anything constructive to say about her, just keep quiet. If it’s bugging you so much, why don’t you go over and educate her. Why do you need to point her out to me? Anyway Brother, this is not the time or place to have this conversation. Inshallah I’ll see you on the weekend and we’ll discuss it then when our tempers have calmed down a bit and we’ll have a few Alims present who’s knowledge we can call upon” I said. I was conscious now that I’m due back in the office any minute and I’ve not even finished my sandwich yet.

“Brother!? You calling me Brother?! You’re no Brother of mine saying things like that to me. Give my leaflets back and get out of here!”

This week, even if weather is as pleasant as it was last Friday, I’m not walking past that stand again.