It would diminish the person especially as Islam allows divorce when a marriage cannot work so its not acceptable to go behind people's back like that.

Not been in a position where I have needed to consider this so I dont know.

maybe you should have chosen a "simpler" scenario, like "if you find out your friend was dating". coz i dont have a friend who cheats on anybody. but a friend who dates. that's more likely. and i based my vote on that.

Depends on the person

I chose other because i would try to help/advise them (with wisdom) but if they don't listen i wouldn't abandon them. If you don't stick by them then who will? You can't expect them to listen to you straight away. 

Hate the sin, not the sinner. 

It's sort of like someone who listens to music/ smokes/ hangs out with non mahram. I'm sure a lot of us have friends that openly do something we dislike or even believe to be haram. You don't abandon them because of it but at the same time if you care for them you'd advise them not to do it in a way that they will listen to you. It takes time. 

Shaitan allready takes the role of putting someone down or even filling them with pride when a person sins. We shouldn't be doing the same. 

Allah knows best. 

I guess i didn't feel like i fell into one of those hence i picked 'other'.

It comes through experience. A friend of mine, married another friend of mine. Now, if you had a normal conversation with him, he wouldn't simply leave it like that, he'd want to take it further. So the more you'd talk to him, the more his feelings for you would grow. So when you lectured him and tried explaining the right things to him, he'd admire your patience and coping abilities. Now, whether you screamed your head off at him, or you remained calm it was like talking to a brick wall, and to some extent you want to 'care' for this person by helping them to avoid sin, yet by doing this, it gives the wrong impression to him and he thinks you 'love' him, forget 'like', thats out the window! So, it comes to a point when enough is enough and by talking to him it becomes a so called 'affair', which he wouldn't even see it as, hence, he was in denial. Obviously, you want to guide this guy, but you have to make a fine line. So the best thing to do was to give a final good-bye and leave the rest to Allah, praying that Allah guides this guy on the straight path.

Now, with general dating, I wouldn't stop talking to a person totally. Number one, they're not married like the above situation and like Foysol said you need to give them your wisdom and not abandom them. By leaving them, it creates the urge to want to have someone whose on your level and who understands you, not someone who leaves you as soon as they know your doing sin! As a true friend, the best thing to do would be to explain whats wrong with dating and why you shouldn't do it. Everyone has flaws and you can't simply stop talking to them, over one mistake. You have to understand their situation and take it step by step and not be 'alright' with it. You have to be calm with a little harshness and obviously you can't expect them to wake up like a new person, this stuff does take time.

TPOS wrote:

It's a hypothetical situation, just try to imagine it!

By affair I mean either your friend being married and having a relationship with someone else or your friend being the 'other' person with a married person.

Also, those who choose 'other' - please say what you'd do instead!

Thanks

Ah, OK, that definitely changes things. I would ask him to sort things out with his wife and try and advise him. But if he doesn't I might threaten to tell her, maybe that'll give him the encouragement he needs!

itsnot abt leaving them straight away. its abt telling them a few times.

you know hate the sin not the sinner, is that a hadith along that lines?

and advising someone three times then your duty is done, is that also a hadith?

just things ive heard and dont know abt.

oh, also. you need to have long hair coz in next life they turn into snakes. if hair short they can bite your face? sounds like a lot of manure but just to double check?

I would slap the ever loving bjeezus outta him.

If he's dumb enough to get caught he's dumb enough to be slapped.

Why is it a "HE"

Can a woman not be the "bad guy" in a situation?

Reason I selected OTHER is because I'd blackmail the offender.

And then I'll blackmail them some more. Until they do a C.B.A and realise it's not financially viable to keep the secret and decide to tell their partner off their own free will.

Problem solved and I'm quids in too......

Northen Southener wrote:

Why is it a "HE"

Can a woman not be the "bad guy" in a situation?

Reason I selected OTHER is because I'd blackmail the offender.

And then I'll blackmail them some more. Until they do a C.B.A and realise it's not financially viable to keep the secret and decide to tell their partner off their own free will.

Problem solved and I'm quids in too......

Women are just as bad. Though not sure i could actually strike one.

Maybe throw my shoe at her three times like the Devil she is.

Sephy wrote:

Northen Southener wrote:

Why is it a "HE"

Can a woman not be the "bad guy" in a situation?

Reason I selected OTHER is because I'd blackmail the offender.

And then I'll blackmail them some more. Until they do a C.B.A and realise it's not financially viable to keep the secret and decide to tell their partner off their own free will.

Problem solved and I'm quids in too......

Women are just as bad. Though not sure i could actually strike one.

Maybe throw my shoe at her three times like the Devil she is.

i was imaging a lady...

i chose second one. if it was a close friend. i hope they'd value our friendship more and realise how wrong it was. and the prophet (pbuh) used to do that. the isolation is not the end of teh matter. its to make them realise. you leave them but if they come back you dont push them away. so if she came back to ask for advice, help, etc.. then i'd help.

Nice stuff, Lilly, i actually didn't see it as allowing them to value friendship and giving them space and isolation to realise!

Is this sin called zina, I read about zina and didnt know it was such a big sin! Ths happened to a friend of a relation who did not give up the friendship and eventually married the girl and now has 2 wives. The second one was a widow with a little girl and in the long run good came from the union and he asks forgiveness for the time before marriage when they committed zina.

So I'd choose other as not all situations remain constant . Good can sometimes come from bad, but if you really feel you can't help the person then have less contact as breaking friendship would for me depend on what influence this would have on my own actions, whereas less contact does not sever the tie but makes your feelings known and leaves a way open for advice and help

there's loads of different zina. zina fof eyes, hands, feet, tongue etc...

Multiple marriages are not zina.

adultery is worse than zina.

zina fof eyes, hands, feet, tongue etc...

which are not the same as actual zina

I thought zina was any sexual relationship outside og marriage, including adultery

other way around i think?

fornication when not married

adultery when married.

right?

Lilly wrote:

fornication when not married

adultery when married.

right?

+1

I agree with Foysol... You have to deal with them with wisdom. remember the reason why they came and told you is becuese they trust you... Then if you go and screw at them, they're obviously gonna either feel even worse or feel like rebelling in a sens. Personally, I just feel (through experience) that to talk them through it all from both normal and an islamic aspects would help them understand and make them want to give it up on their own accord. Finally, if you're a close friend... Your going to need to be their as support and as a rebound for them... Becuese they're are bound to be depressed. Big time.

Is an affair of the heart that someone doesn't act upon, still zina?