Posted as a bit of fun, intended to be light hearted and humourous. So please don't flame me for this.....

Subject: Birmingham Tornado Appeal

As you are probably aware, recently a serious tornado hit parts of southern Birmingham. News of the disaster was swiftly carried to the civilised world by pay-as-you go SMS messages. Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly muttering
"Blooooody 'ell" and "You'll rite?".

The tornado decimated the area causing several million pounds worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from the Balearics and Spanish Costa's were damaged beyond repair. Several historic Ford Sierras and Nissan Bluebirds were blown off their brick plinths. A large number of 3 series BMW's had their alloy wheels damaged and a quantity of Renault Clio's had their tinted windows blown out.

Many locals were woken well before their giro arrived. One resident, Sharon Knowles, a 15yr old single mother of seven said:"It was such a shock, my little Beyonce came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Azif and Delbert slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was watching Trisha the next morning".

Another resident, Community worker Royston Akimose, 38, said: "I was 'avin' a meetin' wiv a business associate, the sky went dark, an, de next fing I know, me ganja is blown all over 'is Impreza!" Apparently though, looting and car crime did carry on
as normal. The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, which include benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and bone china from Pound Stretcher.

How Can You Help?

This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in the disaster. Clothing is most sought after, items needed include: Fila or Burberry baseball caps, Kappa tracksuit tops (his & hers), Von Dutch t-Shirts, white sports socks, Rockport boots and any large gold plated accessories. Food parcels may be harder to come by but are needed all the same. Required foodstuffs include microwave meals, tins of baked beans, ice cream, and bottles of
Smirnoff Ice. 22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms, £2.00 buys fish, chips & blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9, and £5.00 will pay for a packet of B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.

Please do not send tents for shelter as the sight of posh housing is unfair on the population in neighbouring areas.

(ducks and runs for cover)