What does Google Suggest suggest about the state of humanity?

Why would a little girl in Yorkshire think Jesus was born in an egg?

It's a question we must all ask ourselves. And apparently it's a popular question on Google. The search engine offers a feature called Google Suggest, which, as you begin to type in a search query, offers popular searches that begin with what you've typed.

It highlights some worrying concerns that humanity struggles to deal with. For example, We typed 'why would a...', to which Google suggested the above query. Fear gripped our hearts -- fear for the future of the species.

To highlight the many disturbing questions Google frequently pulls up answers to, we've picked our favourite Google suggestions. Because we're awesome, we've provided no-nonsense answers for the benefit of the hard-of-thinking who look for them.

We typed: 'Can you put...'
Google suggests: '...peroxide in your ear?'

Answer: Theoretically, yes. But if you feel you want to, consider other orifices too, such as the nostril, the tear duct and the humble anus.

We typed: 'Am I going...'
Google suggests: '...into labour?'

Answer: There's an easy and reliable way to test. Is there a brand-new human poking out of your lower body? If yes, then congratulations, you're going into labour. More accurately, you're already in it.

We typed: 'Am I having...'
Google suggests: '...a heart attack?'

Answer: There's no point asking Google this. Web sites aren't doctors. You know what are doctors? Doctors. If your chest is hurting and your left arm hurts too, call a blinkin' ambulance for heaven's sake.

We typed: 'Why can't...'
Google suggests: '...black people swim?'

Answer: There is no answer to this question. It's demented to even ask it.

We typed: 'Why can't...'
Google suggests: '...I own a Canadian?'

Answer: Because, despite popular myth, Canadians are not objects. We have one in the office, and can confirm this for anyone left wondering.

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